Having difficulty with moods and anger help!!

[Anonymous]

I am soooo concerned. My sweet, intelligent and funny tween daughter has changed so much. She is now angry and mean. Also rude and disrespectful. She is not the kid that gets material things and we live a very family oriented, spiritual life. She is moody and doesn’t listen. Taking things away doesn’t work. We try to be positive but she just makes mean comments. She claims that School is stressful and she like to lash out at home. We do not give any pressure and we give her time to relax. There is more testing and homework this year. I don’t know if that’s what it is. What can we do?? Maybe talk with the pastor? I don’t know. But it is very difficult on the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Take her to see a therapist. You can't pray away psychological problems and a pastor is not qualified to diagnose them.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like normal teen behavior to me- sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take her to see a therapist. You can't pray away psychological problems and a pastor is not qualified to diagnose them.

A pastor who can listen would be more qualified than the idiot licensed therapist we took DS to.

[Anonymous]

Your DD is going through a normal developmental stage and her mood swings are related to normal hormonal changes.

Read a book like “Yes, Your Teen is Crazy” to understand what’s happening to her and how you can better manage your own interactions with her.

[Anonymous]

Normal.

Pick your battles and don't escalate arguments when what is really going on is the hormones.

It sucks, and is unpleasant, but normal.

[Anonymous]

Huge props to your kid for identifying AND sharing with you the issue. School and her peers are a huge stressor and she keeps it together all day for them and needs to relax when she's home. Read that recent article about not asking your kid about their day and follow that advice. Buckle up and hang on. You have a tight family and solid values but she needs space to breath and sort through things. This age sucks. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

First, this sounds like normal teen behavior.

Second, the tight family structure might be suffocating her right now. Areate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is going through a normal developmental stage and her mood swings are related to normal hormonal changes.

Read a book like “Yes, Your Teen is Crazy” to understand what’s happening to her and how you can better manage your own interactions with her.

PS, I’m not saying, and that book won’t say, to tolerate her behavior. But the book will help you be more effective in how you deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to see a therapist. You can't pray away psychological problems and a pastor is not qualified to diagnose them.

A pastor who can listen would be more qualified than the idiot licensed therapist we took DS to.

Clearly you can't dismiss all therapists because you had a bad experience.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal but maybe look into learning differences- if smart this is the age they can no longer over compensate if there are some disabilities. I have two smart kids with LDS 6th/7th was when we realized they needed testing.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DD hit the inconsiderate, mean phase a bit later. Now that she is 15 yrs. old, I get the nasty attitude, especially in the morning, daily. I try not to take it personal. I know deep down she admires and respects me. She also needs me. So, I mostly let it roll off my shoulders. I remember I was the same way when I was her age. I grew out of it and I am sure DD will too. I try to model my behavior at all times. They pay more attention to us than we know.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a teen. Enjoy next few years! Plus what are you taking away if your family is not into material things? Does that mean she doesn't have a cell phone, lap top, or all the devices that all the people(not just teens "absolutely have to have"?) Everything that was a want, is now a NEED. If she has none of those she will be mad as heck at you. While I am not saying to give in all the time here, I will say that there are some things that are not worth fighting over. If she sees you have a smart phone and she doesn't, she knows you are a hypocrite, she sees you are a human with faults, and the way teens grow up is to start undermining your authority. If you are stuck on too many rules, that also might need to change. You need to stop being a rule enforcer to the extreme and loosen up, that way she will come to you when she needs you. And she needs you a lot, toddler one hour, teen the next, that is my take on teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to see a therapist. You can't pray away psychological problems and a pastor is not qualified to diagnose them.

A pastor who can listen would be more qualified than the idiot licensed therapist we took DS to.

Clearly you can't dismiss all therapists because you had a bad experience.

Nor should pp dismiss all pastors. Many are well trained in therapy. Also, they’re free whereas insurance isn’t an option for most people with therapists. If OP can’t crank out $100-200/hour weekly, then the pastor may be a very good option.

[Anonymous]

Testing limits and being snippy are normal, as is the occasional tantrum when parents enforce a boundary. Extended bouts of anger are not. If positive interactions with your child are getting hard to come by, pay attention to that too. It’s a fine line.

Pastors can be great empathetic listeners. They are not diagnosticians or trained mental health professionals, though. They have relationships with families outside of the pastoral counseling setting that can color the advice they give. Nor do they usually have the capacity to offer meaningful long term support that psychological conflict can require. Seeking out a licensed counselor in best.