estranged friend reaches out after 10 yrs

[Anonymous]

just a note saying i miss our friendship. we grew up together. but i felt that she always saw me as second rate among our group of friends. we went to different colleges and i tried to let the friendship die out naturally but she had a bad accident had to leave school for a year and her family, who have always been kind to me, wanted my support with her recovery and depression. we revived our friendship for a while but when she recovered and got back on her feet and i moved abroad for work for a few years we dropped out of touch again. that was 10 years ago. i wish her well, but i just don't trust her. and i'm a little scared she's going through tough times again, what if she's suicidal or something, i would feel guilty if i should have tried to help. what to do...

[Anonymous]

Just keep it light. You can fade into a friendship too, just like fading out. Test the waters.

[Anonymous]

Do you want her friendship back in your life? If you do, respond. If not, don't.

Make it about what you want, not about her and what's best for her life.

[Anonymous]

She probably wants to sell you something MLM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably wants to sell you something MLM.

Legit LOL.

[Anonymous]

I totally get you wanting to protect yourself from going through the same cycle. Maybe some words of advice/encouragement during a difficult time wouldn't be a bad idea. Have you thought about speaking to her about the in and out of friendship that she display? God Bless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably wants to sell you something MLM.

This is my first guess. It doesn't sound like you had the kind of friendship that would be missed.

[Anonymous]

A similar situation happened to me. I had a friend I grew up with that was a total queen bee. We were in the same group, went through a lot together, etc but she totally treated me as a second rate friend and LOVED to make snide remarks about me to my face and cleverly bring me down as a way of making herself feel better. I was pretty insecure and let it happen.

Anyways, we went off to different colleges (and the distance tamed the issues) and all seemed fine until the summer after our freshman year of college, while at a bar at the beach, she attempted to make a pass at/get together with my then-boyfriend. I was finally done and cut her out of my life.

20+ years later, she reached out to me on Facebook. She was profusely remorseful, said she missed our friendship, wanted to reconnect, etc. I'm sure there's a chance she changed, but I wasn't really interested in rekindling that friendship so I left a quick message saying that I hoped she was doing well and left it at that. I think we're still friends on Facebook. That's it, though.

It doesn't sound like your friendship ended quite as badly. And she may have matured and grown up in those 10 years. It can't hurt to respond and have a quick catchup conversation to see how her life is going. Just don't be afraid to cut things off if you feel you're being demeaned again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably wants to sell you something MLM.

This is my first guess. It doesn't sound like you had the kind of friendship that would be missed.

Agreed! Had at least 7 long lost HS friends reach out to me on FB trying to sell me crap over the years. After the first 2, I learned to just ignore.

[Anonymous]

You are under no obligations to prove your concerns are true. You are under no obligation to explain yourself. You don't even have to have any reason/suspicions at all. You have a preference. You are entitled to a preference.