Bringing your older child to college when you still have several younger kids at home.

[Anonymous]

Our oldest will be starting college in the fall, at a college that is about a 4 hour drive from our house. On the move in weekend, we'd like to spend the night before move in, as well as that move in day night, in a hotel near the college. We also have 3 younger children at home, not old enough to stay home overnight by themselves. We have no local family.

If you were in a similar situation, did you bring the whole family up to the move in weekend? Since tons of other freshman parents will be up there for the weekend, hotels will be at a premium and with a family our size we'd need at least two rooms. Did you have just one parent help the student move in, while the other parent and younger siblings stayed home?


There is a "family weekend" about a month later, and I guess I have the same question for that--bring the whole family? Or just one parent?

[Anonymous]

Do your kids maybe have a friend they could stay with? A friend of ours once left one of their kids with us to do such a thing...

[Anonymous]

I'm the middle kid of three. When we moved my sister to college (6 hr drive away) we all went with her. It was fun and a nice look at college for me since I was two years behind her. My parents detoured to visit a couple other colleges I was interested in on the way home.

How about just asking your oldest what would be best for her -- would she want the whole gang there to help her move in or would it be less stressful for her with one parent?

For the family weekend, if there's a schedule of events, look at that for guidance, does it look like things the younger ones would be welcome to participate in?

[Anonymous]

No, it is her time. 90% of the kids just have parents there or maybe a high school age sibling. Little ones? No. You have plenty of time. Get grandparents in town for a week. 1. To see good bye to the college kid. 2. Babysit while you go on your last adventure with the oldest. Ask friends if needed.

Otherwise bring everyone but only have one parent go to the actual school for move in day. The other parent takes the younger ones somewhere.

[Anonymous]

One of you stays home with the little ones. This isn't a family event like thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

The first drop off is special. Make it abut your freshman. You have plenty of time to find a friend for each of them to stay over with. You will only be gone 1 night. Not sure how big your car is, but students have a lot of stuff. How will you fit extra kid plus all the stuff?

[Anonymous]

No. Also a family of 6 here. We've done 3 freshman drop offs so far; occasionally I'd see a family with a younger high school aged kid but never three extra kids. Here are the reasons we do not bring along the entire crew:

-we would not be able to fit six people + college kid's stuff in our vehicle (and we have a minivan). We needed that back seat folded into the floor to get everything in there, and my kids weren't even that heavy of packers. (Plus you'll have your own luggage if you're staying overnight).

-move-in day should be about the freshman. Maybe your kids are different but I could just hear the "Mooooom I'm sooooo boored" comments, fighting among kids in a 12x12 dorm room, etc. and I don't want that to "overshadow" what should be an exciting day for the freshman to be "sent off" to their new home.

-Dorm rooms are small. You'll have your freshman's roommate and his/her parent(s) there too. Having an extra three kids there, they'll just get in the way.

Just have them find a friend to stay with - you have ~6 months so it shouldn't be a problem. If you can't, just have one parent go.

Now, family weekend is when you tend to see entire families there. If your other kids want to see their oldest sibling's dorm room, just wait until then.

[Anonymous]

Just have one parent go. That is enough.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the input! We'll figure out something for our younger kids so it can be all about our college student!

We'll probably bring the whole crew for family weekend, but if things get too chaotic we can always leave one parent at the hotel with the younger kids and the other parent hang out with the college student.

[Anonymous]

Agree that college dropoff doesn't lend itself to bringing the whole crew, for all of the reasons mentioned already.

But if it's really a 4-hour drive and you have 2 adult drivers, why make college dropoff into a 2-overnight extravaganza? What about driving up in the AM, delivering DC to room/unpacking, perhaps having a meal, and then heading home the same day?

Make plans for the other kids to visit friends and/or get a sitter, especially if you do it as a day trip.

[Anonymous]

We got an overnight sitter and went as a family for Parents Weekend. Best decision - little ones would have had no patience for all the schlepping and unpacking!

I would get up and out early on the move in day (presuming you dont have a move in time which many schools give to manage the traffic) or plan to come home after move in if you go up the night before. A one nighter is sufficient.

[Anonymous]

No need to spend two nights - one night is probably enough if that.

I'd probably go up the night before, have a nice dinner with your college student, move her in, maybe get lunch together, then head home. Our kid's college had move in starting at 8AM - it took us about 3 hours to get everything in and settled. She was only 3 hours away so we were home to make dinner! (Without her at the table...I remember that being such a sad realization!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the middle kid of three. When we moved my sister to college (6 hr drive away) we all went with her. It was fun and a nice look at college for me since I was two years behind her. My parents detoured to visit a couple other colleges I was interested in on the way home.

How about just asking your oldest what would be best for her -- would she want the whole gang there to help her move in or would it be less stressful for her with one parent?

For the family weekend, if there's a schedule of events, look at that for guidance, does it look like things the younger ones would be welcome to participate in?

+1
Youngest of 3 and I went along when my siblings went off to college. We're close knit so it just seemed natural that we supported each other, said good byes, etc .
Plus, as Pp mentioned, it gave me a snapshot of college campus life for when it would be my turn.

How "young" are these siblings op? Like a 5 yr old (who would probably be bored beyond tears) or like a 13 yr?

And when I was at va tech (a 4 hr drive) my parents did the drive in 1 day. No need for a 2 night stay at a hotel.

[Anonymous]

We didn’t bring my younger daughter because she was in preseason sports and I’m glad that forced the decision. It was nice to enjoy time with my older daughter alone. We did two nights and she spent the first night with us ahead of the 8am move in (college was 6-7 hour drive). Once we settled her in there were some parent orientation events and since my husband hadn’t seen the school or town he wanted more time to check it out. We let our daughter do her own thing but ran some errands for supplies and then met her for coffee the following morning to drop supplies and say goodbye.

In all, it was a really nice experience and I’m glad my younger daughter (high school) wasn’t there. She would have been fine but it would have changed the dynamic. She couldn’t wait to visit for parents weekend though!

[Anonymous]

OP back again, thanks for the additional responses.

The younger kids aren't very young--they will be 12, 14, and 16 this summer. The 16 year old could stay by himself, and probably even the 14 year old with him...it's the 12 year old I'm worried about.

I'm thinking you all are right about it not needing to be a 2 night event also. I like what 22:31 said "I'd probably go up the night before, have a nice dinner with your college student, move her in, maybe get lunch together, then head home. " and that is probably what we will do

Thanks again everyone, for the perspective!