Social emotional development

[Anonymous]

How to promote social emotional development of 2.5 year old? Is that the same as EQ? Per psychologist, the way he plays is below average, and sometimes he does not get social cues/hints, does not know how to play "with" kids. He looks really social, not shy, love to interact with kids, but it was pointed out that the way he plays is not up to his age level.

[Anonymous]

How does he not play with other kids? At 2.5, it is still a lot of play next to another kid...

What are the other issues that prompted you to see a child psychologist?

[Anonymous]

Parallel play isn’t unusual at this age. I would direct these questions to the psychologist who gave you this feedback as to why they think this is problematic for your kid. Is it due to delays in speech, cognitive, motor issues.

Play dates might help in general but your kid may need some therapeutic support as well.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure I understand exactly what you mean or what your son is doing, but here is how I promote social/emotional development with my two-year-old...

I have always talked to her about other kids and adults feelings - asking her if a character in her books was sad or scared or happy. She is very empathetic by nature and will always stop what she is doing in a class if she sees another kid crying and then always wants to go up to the crying kid and hug him - and I praise her for that kindness. When she doesn't want to share a toy, I ask her how she would feel if someone wouldn't share a toy with her.

We have lots of social interaction with kids her age and always have. I host a play group once a week at our place, we go to other kid's houses for one-on-one playdates, and do a class - gym, dance, music and art - four days a week.

I also have told her that there are things I don't care for (like tomatoes) or a particular book - just to let her know that other people, including adults, have wants and needs. Every so often, I will tell her that I don't want to do something (like go in and brush my teeth) but I have to and I do it anyway or that I don't want to play a certain game with her but I will do it because it was her turn to choose the game.

Hope that made some sort of sense, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My boy is seeing psychologist because he has some developmental delay, mainly speech delay & cognitive. He goes to gym & music class once a week, and sometimes indoor playground or library storytime, but unfortunately he never has one on one playdate or playgroup.

I am still in the stage trying to figure out what psychologist means by DS not knowing how to playing "with" kids well & his social emotional development is not to his age level. My DS first impression is really bright, smiley, social & outgoing, loves to interact with kids, so I always thought that is one of his strength, not weakness. Well, looks like I am wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to promote social emotional development of 2.5 year old? Is that the same as EQ? Per psychologist, the way he plays is below average, and sometimes he does not get social cues/hints, does not know how to play "with" kids. He looks really social, not shy, love to interact with kids, but it was pointed out that the way he plays is not up to his age level.

Op, this is a clip from kki of a child with autism. Not trying to diagnose your kid at all but what is helpful is learning how to take the child’s lead and learning how to make play more interactive: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V-c50HNnPg0

The Hanen book, “it takes two to talk” is also very good at illustrating this concept.

[Anonymous]

I mean, shouldn't the psychologist who said that to you be the one answering that question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, shouldn't the psychologist who said that to you be the one answering that question?

OP here. Yes, the psychologist did answer my question, but I am not sure if I understand it correctly or not and what to do about it. Psychologist says that when it comes to a little bit complex social play or social cues, my DS does not get it. For example, during the evaluation, DS had no problem playing with him throwing ball & catching bubble. But when it comes to when the psychologist wants him to copy him the way how he stacks the blocks or the way he plays with the toy in a specific way, my DS does not get it even doctor showing him same examples multiple times, and he does not seem to understand what is going on, and doing in his own way. Originally I thought it is normal toddler behavior, but psychologist points out that the reason my DS did not do it because he did not get it (looks confused), not because he did not want to do it or could not do it. The psychologist looked at him in the eyes so intensively during the whole appointment, and trying to read through his mind like a hawk. Unfortunately, I was holding him on my lap the whole time, so I don't really get the chance to see DS's facial expression & eye contact during the almost 3 hour evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, shouldn't the psychologist who said that to you be the one answering that question?

OP here. Yes, the psychologist did answer my question, but I am not sure if I understand it correctly or not and what to do about it. Psychologist says that when it comes to a little bit complex social play or social cues, my DS does not get it. For example, during the evaluation, DS had no problem playing with him throwing ball & catching bubble. But when it comes to when the psychologist wants him to copy him the way how he stacks the blocks or the way he plays with the toy in a specific way, my DS does not get it even doctor showing him same examples multiple times, and he does not seem to understand what is going on, and doing in his own way. Originally I thought it is normal toddler behavior, but psychologist points out that the reason my DS did not do it because he did not get it (looks confused), not because he did not want to do it or could not do it. The psychologist looked at him in the eyes so intensively during the whole appointment, and trying to read through his mind like a hawk. Unfortunately, I was holding him on my lap the whole time, so I don't really get the chance to see DS's facial expression & eye contact during the almost 3 hour evaluation.

This doesn't sound like an emotional intelligence issue, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure I understand exactly what you mean or what your son is doing, but here is how I promote social/emotional development with my two-year-old...

I have always talked to her about other kids and adults feelings - asking her if a character in her books was sad or scared or happy. She is very empathetic by nature and will always stop what she is doing in a class if she sees another kid crying and then always wants to go up to the crying kid and hug him - and I praise her for that kindness. When she doesn't want to share a toy, I ask her how she would feel if someone wouldn't share a toy with her.

We have lots of social interaction with kids her age and always have. I host a play group once a week at our place, we go to other kid's houses for one-on-one playdates, and do a class - gym, dance, music and art - four days a week.

I also have told her that there are things I don't care for (like tomatoes) or a particular book - just to let her know that other people, including adults, have wants and needs. Every so often, I will tell her that I don't want to do something (like go in and brush my teeth) but I have to and I do it anyway or that I don't want to play a certain game with her but I will do it because it was her turn to choose the game.

Hope that made some sort of sense, OP.

I did very similar things with both my dc. One struggled. One clearly got it from infancy. Not saying you shouldn’t be like the pp, but I think it’s impirtant to realize a lot of the social and emotional “intelligence” is inborne. Also, you can be really good on the emotional side and struggle with the social stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, shouldn't the psychologist who said that to you be the one answering that question?

OP here. Yes, the psychologist did answer my question, but I am not sure if I understand it correctly or not and what to do about it. Psychologist says that when it comes to a little bit complex social play or social cues, my DS does not get it. For example, during the evaluation, DS had no problem playing with him throwing ball & catching bubble. But when it comes to when the psychologist wants him to copy him the way how he stacks the blocks or the way he plays with the toy in a specific way, my DS does not get it even doctor showing him same examples multiple times, and he does not seem to understand what is going on, and doing in his own way. Originally I thought it is normal toddler behavior, but psychologist points out that the reason my DS did not do it because he did not get it (looks confused), not because he did not want to do it or could not do it. The psychologist looked at him in the eyes so intensively during the whole appointment, and trying to read through his mind like a hawk. Unfortunately, I was holding him on my lap the whole time, so I don't really get the chance to see DS's facial expression & eye contact during the almost 3 hour evaluation.

This doesn't sound like an emotional intelligence issue, OP.

I tend to agree. OP, you said your child has a language and cognitive delay. Did the doctor explain how much delay, or what the "age equivalent" was? It could be your child's ability to understand what the doctor wanted was appropriate for his cognitive level. Does your DS do other simple imitation, like clapping if you clap, or if you show how to feed a doll with a bottle would he do that in imitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, shouldn't the psychologist who said that to you be the one answering that question?

OP here. Yes, the psychologist did answer my question, but I am not sure if I understand it correctly or not and what to do about it. Psychologist says that when it comes to a little bit complex social play or social cues, my DS does not get it. For example, during the evaluation, DS had no problem playing with him throwing ball & catching bubble. But when it comes to when the psychologist wants him to copy him the way how he stacks the blocks or the way he plays with the toy in a specific way, my DS does not get it even doctor showing him same examples multiple times, and he does not seem to understand what is going on, and doing in his own way. Originally I thought it is normal toddler behavior, but psychologist points out that the reason my DS did not do it because he did not get it (looks confused), not because he did not want to do it or could not do it. The psychologist looked at him in the eyes so intensively during the whole appointment, and trying to read through his mind like a hawk. Unfortunately, I was holding him on my lap the whole time, so I don't really get the chance to see DS's facial expression & eye contact during the almost 3 hour evaluation.

This doesn't sound like an emotional intelligence issue, OP.

I tend to agree. OP, you said your child has a language and cognitive delay. Did the doctor explain how much delay, or what the "age equivalent" was? It could be your child's ability to understand what the doctor wanted was appropriate for his cognitive level. Does your DS do other simple imitation, like clapping if you clap, or if you show how to feed a doll with a bottle would he do that in imitation?

OP here. I am not sure about my DS's "age equivalent" of language & cognitive delay, but I would say his expressive language delay is kind of severe, for being 2.5 years old only has less than 10 words (including sign language & make up words). For his cognitive delay, I am not sure yet because he is not in daycare yet, but I would say he is good at simple pretend play (e.g. cooking/little people go to school/feed doll & put doll to sleep), but he does not understand the more complicated ones (e.g. one doll is mommy, one doll is baby, so they should act different role)(e.g. one toy car is going slower because he is sick) (e.g. he does not understand why this boy is unhappy in the storybook because his ice cream got taken away) something like that. He can do simple imitation, like clapping hand if I clap, feed a doll with a bottle if I do it, but he cannot imitate me if I put blocks in certain pattern (like 4 blocks lining up in a row).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure I understand exactly what you mean or what your son is doing, but here is how I promote social/emotional development with my two-year-old...

I have always talked to her about other kids and adults feelings - asking her if a character in her books was sad or scared or happy. She is very empathetic by nature and will always stop what she is doing in a class if she sees another kid crying and then always wants to go up to the crying kid and hug him - and I praise her for that kindness. When she doesn't want to share a toy, I ask her how she would feel if someone wouldn't share a toy with her.

We have lots of social interaction with kids her age and always have. I host a play group once a week at our place, we go to other kid's houses for one-on-one playdates, and do a class - gym, dance, music and art - four days a week.

I also have told her that there are things I don't care for (like tomatoes) or a particular book - just to let her know that other people, including adults, have wants and needs. Every so often, I will tell her that I don't want to do something (like go in and brush my teeth) but I have to and I do it anyway or that I don't want to play a certain game with her but I will do it because it was her turn to choose the game.

Hope that made some sort of sense, OP.

OP here. Thanks for the shared tips, and they are helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, shouldn't the psychologist who said that to you be the one answering that question?

OP here. Yes, the psychologist did answer my question, but I am not sure if I understand it correctly or not and what to do about it. Psychologist says that when it comes to a little bit complex social play or social cues, my DS does not get it. For example, during the evaluation, DS had no problem playing with him throwing ball & catching bubble. But when it comes to when the psychologist wants him to copy him the way how he stacks the blocks or the way he plays with the toy in a specific way, my DS does not get it even doctor showing him same examples multiple times, and he does not seem to understand what is going on, and doing in his own way. Originally I thought it is normal toddler behavior, but psychologist points out that the reason my DS did not do it because he did not get it (looks confused), not because he did not want to do it or could not do it. The psychologist looked at him in the eyes so intensively during the whole appointment, and trying to read through his mind like a hawk. Unfortunately, I was holding him on my lap the whole time, so I don't really get the chance to see DS's facial expression & eye contact during the almost 3 hour evaluation.

This doesn't sound like an emotional intelligence issue, OP.

I tend to agree. OP, you said your child has a language and cognitive delay. Did the doctor explain how much delay, or what the "age equivalent" was? It could be your child's ability to understand what the doctor wanted was appropriate for his cognitive level. Does your DS do other simple imitation, like clapping if you clap, or if you show how to feed a doll with a bottle would he do that in imitation?

OP here. I am not sure about my DS's "age equivalent" of language & cognitive delay, but I would say his expressive language delay is kind of severe, for being 2.5 years old only has less than 10 words (including sign language & make up words). For his cognitive delay, I am not sure yet because he is not in daycare yet, but I would say he is good at simple pretend play (e.g. cooking/little people go to school/feed doll & put doll to sleep), but he does not understand the more complicated ones (e.g. one doll is mommy, one doll is baby, so they should act different role)(e.g. one toy car is going slower because he is sick) (e.g. he does not understand why this boy is unhappy in the storybook because his ice cream got taken away) something like that. He can do simple imitation, like clapping hand if I clap, feed a doll with a bottle if I do it, but he cannot imitate me if I put blocks in certain pattern (like 4 blocks lining up in a row).

This sounds like a cognitive issue rather than a social/emotional one.

[Anonymous]

OP, ok, you have your answer: your son can't follow instructions that are out of the ordinary, and can't "act out" other people's roles (one doll is the Mom, one doll is the Dad).

So, your son is also 2 1/2 years old, AND has a language delay. Work on your son's language delay with a speech therapist so he CAN understand what is being said, and then you'll see if there is a cognitive delay. I think until your son has more language (expressive and receptive) then it will be hard to truly see if the issue is language or cognitive.

So, he's confused about how to "build a tower" like the tester did. Is that because he didn't understand the words? Or, he understood the words but didn't have the motor planning or fine motor skill to do the task? Or has a cognitive delay that means he can't understand she wanted him to copy her? Or didn't want to "perform" for a stranger? You really can't know right this minute. If he were 4 years old, I'd be much more concerned.

Just keep doing what you are doing - 2 1/2 year olds play side by side (parallel play) all the time. And doing dramatic play "pretending to cook" is wonderful - his play will develop more as he has more experience and his langauge gets more developed. You can help (sometimes) by saying "I'm the baby. So what does a baby do?" And then he can tell you "cry" "drink milk" "sleep" and then you do the thing he says. Again, though, his language may not be there yet, so you'll see less of this than with other 21/2 year olds.

I'd agree, most 21/2 year olds can "copy" - if I build a tower, a child would do it (although they'd be more apt to build onto mine I'm building, not build the identical one). BUT the key is - WOULD THEY build it for a stranger? Not always.

Again, work on his language, and the rest will either come along on "his" timeline or it won't and then you can deal with that if he does have a cognitive delay. When a child has a language delay, often the rest of his play is affected because language is so critical - so it will take some time to "catch up" in all areas. For other kids, once they unlock the language key they catch up really quickly - you won't know for 6-12 months which one he is!