Advice on how to respond to teen telling me “stuff”

[Anonymous]

My teen son is pretty open with me. Will talk about who is drinking, smoking weed, vaping, having sex etc. iI don’t always know what to say with this info. I try to not over react so he feels comfortable sharing.

On sex I’ve said “he/she is awfully young, I hope they’re being smart about protection. A pregnancy or STD could really impact their future.

Weed- “seems dumb, weed just makes you dumb and lazy- “ I do. Oncede it can make anxiouskuds feel better in the short run and can be tempting as it’s so pervasive. My teen has anxiety.

Looking for any and all advice.

[Anonymous]

“I do concede can make anxious kids” per above typos

[Anonymous]

I have three teens and hear much of the same "stuff." My responses are similar. Respond with your family,s vales and appropriate advice in a calm low key way to keep communication open.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re doing the right thing. Maybe ask more about what he thinks of xyz, if you don’t already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re doing the right thing. Maybe ask more about what he thinks of xyz, if you don’t already.

Good point!

[Anonymous]

I think you're handling it perfectly! My teen DS and I have conversations like that too. Vaping is a big thing at his school now so our conversation this week was on that.

[Anonymous]

I think sometimes my teen tells me things other kids are doing to test the waters. I try to make it clear that I'm critical of the *act* and not the child. I think using weed as a teenager is a mistake. But I don't look down on teens who do it, and I understand there are all sorts of reasons why teens do.

My gut reaction for some things was to be incredulous, and I realized that didn't help. If my teen was trying to see how I'd react if he did something dumb, I wanted him to know I was concerned for him and his friends and wanting to help them, not critical of them and just wanting to make them feel dumb.

[Anonymous]

I also try to get my teen to talk through why they think the friend is doing what they’re doing, about what better options there are, and if there is anything to do or say to help. I want them to understand why kids get themselves into jams and how brainstorming options ahead of time can give them potential ways to handle it if they encounter it again.

[Anonymous]

Op - he's not in the room. He does not know they are having sex. Someone said something. It could be happening but you should approach all second-hand info with suspicion.

[Anonymous]

I always ask what they think about it, or how they think it impacts their friend. Gives me a lot more info. As a fairly young mom (30’s with teens), I can still remember rolling my eyes at things like “pot makes you lazy.” If he has friends using drugs then he can seegfor himself that it had a different impact on different people. Not every casual user is a burnout waiting to happen. Likewise about any other judgy statement. Kids usually know the party line (at least mine do. We have regular adult-led chats about our values wrt sex, drugs and rock n roll), but what they are feeling out is their own values, and letting them explore these out loud will help them more than repeating your own values, IMO.