Nine-year-old son getting more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Our 9-yo son is becoming more combative and disagreeable by the week. He is a very good student, has a group of steady friends and is involved in family activities. But now every time something doesn't go his way, however small, he flies off the handle and rages. He picks fights with his older siblings (although they often reciprocate) and is defiant when asked to do even the most routine task. And yet he's an angel at school. Is this typical for a boy his age? No one is finding this pleasant.

[Anonymous]

No its not typical at all. What are your older kids like? Were they the same at that age?

[Anonymous]

Has the change in behavior been building or was it sudden? Any new or building stressors in his/your life/s? How is the structure at home?

[Anonymous]

Can you give some more specific examples of this behavior (& what -- if anything-- provoked it) & an estimate of how often it is happening ? This could help us tell you whether or notthe behavior seems within the realm of normal for a kid his age.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty normal. Both my kids went through a rebellious teen-like phase at 9. My usually mild-mannered and sweet son even sometimes pretended he was going to hit me. My daughter fought about everything and pushed every button. There had been no changes or stressors in their lives, I think they started discovering that they technically don’t need parents anymore (to feed them, clothe them) and were testing their independence. I was very firm in both cases without becoming hostile. I also eased up on the controls a bit since they were obviously ready for some automomy. They are now 12 and 10 and back to their kind, respectful selves. For now.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. It gets better. Then puberty hits and it gets worse. It’s a normal phase. I wouldn’t put up with bad behavior, though, just because it’s normal.

[Anonymous]

I have four kids. I don't think these "phases" come out of nowhere, nor do I think they are simply developmental. At least they don't seem to be with my kids. When my kids go through periods like these, I assume that I need to take a good look at the activities/sleep/friend/school situations and see if there are any problems. If there is nothing obviously negative that needs to be addressed, I assume that kid is just struggling with what is being asked of him and needs to cut back, have more down time, or get more sleep--or all of the above.