when is it ok to criticize/point out things regarding a friend's parenting?

[Anonymous]

long long story short: I'm a guy. Spent time with a friend's family who lives in Florida. We have a toddler son, they have an older daughter. His wife is pretty high maintenance. After the visit, my friend (who is a good guy but can be dense) called me to let me know that his wife thought we were not feeding or bathing our child properly. Our child is in great health, we do whatever our doctor tells us, my wife works in healthcare and I confirmed on babycenter.com that everything we were doing is 100% right. So I was pretty taken aback by the whole thing. His view was that he just wanted to let me know in case my wife was making the parenting decisions and I didn't agree. Again, I think that sounds bizarre, especially when he could have vetted his wife's comments by spending 10 seconds on the internet first.

am I being too sensitive or is that pretty out of line?

[Anonymous]

you are not out of line. sounds like you are a great dad.

everyone has their own ideas about how to raise children. and they should follow those ideas with THEIR children. not other peoples. to answer your question, it is never okay to criticize one's parenting if the kids are safe and doing well. move on. life is to short to let this kind of stuff get to you.

signed,

another parent who received advice that was bullshit in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Ummm, that is WAY the F out of line. Steer clear of this family. The nerve of this man trying to put doubt in your mind about your wife too!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!! I'd be so offended and probably would have told him where to stick it on the spot!

[Anonymous]

I'd also like to add that it sounds like his bitch of a wifey is JEALOUS of your wife and probably made her husband call you with some threat of no sex if he didn't! HAHAHA! What a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Oh, God, that's just bizarre. No, it's not OK.

The whole thing is puzzling. It sounds like "he" has an issue with how you parent. If it were just his wife, wouldn't he just chalk that up to "Mabel being Mabel" and never say a word to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are not out of line. sounds like you are a great dad.

everyone has their own ideas about how to raise children. and they should follow those ideas with THEIR children. not other peoples. to answer your question, it is never okay to criticize one's parenting if the kids are safe and doing well. move on. life is to short to let this kind of stuff get to you.

signed,

another parent who received advice that was bullshit in my opinion.

pp again. just wanted to drive the "you are a great dad" point home. checking it out on babycenter.com is evidence of that. please don't think I was being dismissive about saying "move on." simply what I would do in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

P.S. Don't go spend time with them again.

[Anonymous]

Can you say "controlling"?

[Anonymous]

He sounds completely whacked.

Just curious though, what kind of things were you feeding the child that he saw?

I'm kind of a nut about nutrition, myself, but try not to judge others. However, I realize some people may like advice or tips IF THEY ASK. But, if I spent a weekend with someone who was only feeding their kids McDonalds, junk food, etc., I would not call them after the fact and tell them I thought this was wrong. Instead, in the moment, I would say, "you know I have a recipe for healthy chicken nuggets that involves breading and baking the chicken." Or "have you guys tried sweet potato fries? So delicious and much more fiber than regular fries!"

That is as far as I would go though. It's none of my business but I would let them know I was open to talking about it, as some people really do want help especially if their child is overweight. Having a separate phone call just feels way too invasive.

[Anonymous]

Insecure or unhappy people often say things to hurt others who are secure and happy. It's not fair and it's not nice, but it is totally out of line and you should not let it get to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds completely whacked.

Just curious though, what kind of things were you feeding the child that he saw?

I'm kind of a nut about nutrition, myself, but try not to judge others. However, I realize some people may like advice or tips IF THEY ASK. But, if I spent a weekend with someone who was only feeding their kids McDonalds, junk food, etc., I would not call them after the fact and tell them I thought this was wrong. Instead, in the moment, I would say, "you know I have a recipe for healthy chicken nuggets that involves breading and baking the chicken." Or "have you guys tried sweet potato fries? So delicious and much more fiber than regular fries!"

That is as far as I would go though. It's none of my business but I would let them know I was open to talking about it, as some people really do want help especially if their child is overweight. Having a separate phone call just feels way too invasive.

There's really no need to do even that. They aren't your kids.

[Anonymous]

Your friends sound ridiculous. If they lived with you, maybe they could comment. MAYBE.

[Anonymous]

Was he doing it because he was trying to be helpful or being obedient to his wife? If so, then I wouldn't be offended. I would, however, be annoyed. Let it slide and put him in his place if he tries it again. Men aren't usually prone to do this. Women, as you may know, can get a little crazy with their judgments of other people's parenting. I wouldn't be too angry at him for something his wife put him up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds completely whacked.

Just curious though, what kind of things were you feeding the child that he saw?

I'm kind of a nut about nutrition, myself, but try not to judge others. However, I realize some people may like advice or tips IF THEY ASK. But, if I spent a weekend with someone who was only feeding their kids McDonalds, junk food, etc., I would not call them after the fact and tell them I thought this was wrong. Instead, in the moment, I would say, "you know I have a recipe for healthy chicken nuggets that involves breading and baking the chicken." Or "have you guys tried sweet potato fries? So delicious and much more fiber than regular fries!"

That is as far as I would go though. It's none of my business but I would let them know I was open to talking about it, as some people really do want help especially if their child is overweight. Having a separate phone call just feels way too invasive.

There's really no need to do even that. They aren't your kids.

I know. And I've never done it before. I don't know if I would. I think it's fine to offer advice if the parent said, "all he will eat is McDonald's! I don't know what to do!"

My point was that I would never have a separate call to call someone out. It sounds like there is something else going on with OP's friend. My guess is he is insecure or unhappy in some way with his wife's controlling nature and he's taking it out on his friend or something. Because that's weird.

[Anonymous]

P.S. How does one bathe a child incorrectly? Were you holding your kid's head underwater?