when is it ok to criticize/point out things regarding a friend's parenting?

[Anonymous]

this is the OP. I think he was trying to be helpful in some bizarre way, and didn't realize how it would be taken. I know his intent was solid. maybe his wife didn't want us coming back and outsmarted him?

he compared it to telling a buddy that he saw his wife out with another guy at a bar and worried she was cheating?? first, if I saw a friend's wife at a bar with a guy, I woudnt assume she was a cheater but might tell the friend that I saw his wife with X in an offhand manner.

we feed the child normal healthy food. it wasnt like we were cramming McDonalds down his throat - more that it was not the exact amount of milk and protein that she thought was better. and the bath comment was the most offensive to me, as if we would let our son be "dirty".

yeah, its a shame, because this is a good friend. but i cant see me visiting him again. when I told him I was offended (which was a mistake, should said nothing you are right) he got defensive so now we havent spoken for a while.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he was not only being judgmental about your parenting, but also about your balls as a husband. Just making sure your wife wasn't making parenting decisions and you didn't agree? Was he insinuating that you're incapable of standing up to your wife if you didn't like *her* parenting? Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Your friend sounds like he needs marriage counseling. If he steps out of line again, feel free to call him on it, but for now, maybe just pity him a bit.

[Anonymous]

Answer to question in subject line: only when the friend's parenting is endangering the child in some way or when the parent asks you for honest feedback;

Answer to final question: you are not out of line. The "high maintenance" wife is the problem, and your friend is p-whipped at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds completely whacked.

Just curious though, what kind of things were you feeding the child that he saw?

I'm kind of a nut about nutrition, myself, but try not to judge others. However, I realize some people may like advice or tips IF THEY ASK. But, if I spent a weekend with someone who was only feeding their kids McDonalds, junk food, etc., I would not call them after the fact and tell them I thought this was wrong. Instead, in the moment, I would say, "you know I have a recipe for healthy chicken nuggets that involves breading and baking the chicken." Or "have you guys tried sweet potato fries? So delicious and much more fiber than regular fries!"

That is as far as I would go though. It's none of my business but I would let them know I was open to talking about it, as some people really do want help especially if their child is overweight. Having a separate phone call just feels way too invasive.

There's really no need to do even that. They aren't your kids.

I know. And I've never done it before. I don't know if I would. I think it's fine to offer advice if the parent said, "all he will eat is McDonald's! I don't know what to do!"

My point was that I would never have a separate call to call someone out. It sounds like there is something else going on with OP's friend. My guess is he is insecure or unhappy in some way with his wife's controlling nature and he's taking it out on his friend or something. Because that's weird.

OK, yeah, totally agree with that.

[Anonymous]

fwiw, I think you were in the right to say you were offended. You were and you shouldn't apologize for feeling that way.

You're friend was out of line, and whether or not intended he was also insulting. I think it's all salvageable re: future friendship between you 2, but good god, don't make your wife hang out with his. That's sounds miserable.

[Anonymous]

When we go out of town, we eat a lot of McDonald's -- A LOT. I also skip bathing the kids unless they are filthy/sweaty. However, at home we eat McD's only occasionally and the kids bathe every night. Maybe the friend saw you in 'out of town mode' and thought that's how you lived daily life.

[Anonymous]

When we go out of town, we eat a lot of McDonald's -- A LOT. I also skip bathing the kids unless they are filthy/sweaty. However, at home we eat McD's only occasionally and the kids bathe every night. Maybe the friend saw you in 'out of town mode' and thought that's how you lived daily life.

Even so -- so what? That doesn't mean the friend has the right to be Judgey McJudgerson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is the OP. I think he was trying to be helpful in some bizarre way, and didn't realize how it would be taken. I know his intent was solid. maybe his wife didn't want us coming back and outsmarted him?

he compared it to telling a buddy that he saw his wife out with another guy at a bar and worried she was cheating?? first, if I saw a friend's wife at a bar with a guy, I woudnt assume she was a cheater but might tell the friend that I saw his wife with X in an offhand manner.

we feed the child normal healthy food. it wasnt like we were cramming McDonalds down his throat - more that it was not the exact amount of milk and protein that she thought was better. and the bath comment was the most offensive to me, as if we would let our son be "dirty".

yeah, its a shame, because this is a good friend. but i cant see me visiting him again. when I told him I was offended (which was a mistake, should said nothing you are right) he got defensive so now we havent spoken for a while.

Keep in touch every once and awhile. He's a good friend and he'll be back after the divorce! Seriously, his wife sounds awful. Absolutely awful. I'd steer clear.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could call him back, and explain that you saw some behavior between him and his wife that concerned you. Tell him you don't agree with how they are conducting their marriage, and that you have better ideas.

You know, just trying to be helpful and a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could call him back, and explain that you saw some behavior between him and his wife that concerned you. Tell him you don't agree with how they are conducting their marriage, and that you have better ideas.

You know, just trying to be helpful and a good friend.

Too funny!

[Anonymous]

You could tell the friend that you checked out your practices with Babycenter.com, and they are fine. Maybe it would make you feel better to tell him that there are a wide range of acceptable practices for parenting, and his wife is not the ultimate parenting authority?

[Anonymous]

Sure friends can be controlling but on the other hand OP can be in denial too and nice friends are trying to help. Some people think it's ok to bathe a toddler only once a week and sure they'll find people online saying it's ok.
OP might force feed the child and sure they'll find websites saying it's ok to do so.
Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure friends can be controlling but on the other hand OP can be in denial too and nice friends are trying to help. Some people think it's ok to bathe a toddler only once a week and sure they'll find people online saying it's ok.
OP might force feed the child and sure they'll find websites saying it's ok to do so.
Just a thought.

Regardless, making these issues a separate phone call after the fact just turns it into a really awkward, judgmental situation. If you MUST say something, and I understand the posters who say it's not okay to say anything, but if you simply can not stop yourself, it is much better to make more light of it in the moment. For the forcing feed thing, mention you were talking to a pediatrician about and he gave YOU a very useful tip.....anything is better than calling someone on the phone and unleashing a weekend's worth of criticism.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry OP. You don't need to justify yourself to this man or his tight ass wife. I feel like you are doubting yourself and defending and there is no need. And GOOD FOR YOU for telling him you were offended. You probably have not talked for a while because he is embarassed that he let the witch tell him what to do.