How do you deal with bitchy co-workers?

[Anonymous]

I have been work at my current job for about 8 months. I am still getting a lot of unnecessary bitchyness from some coworkers and I have been just taking it, but I think it's time for me to stand up for myself. I hate confrontation, though, and I am not the most self-confident person, so in the moment I just blank and don't say anything. I need to change that, I'm aware of it. I just don't know how. This is where you come in. Help?

[Anonymous]

Can you give us some examples of said bitchiness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us some examples of said bitchiness?

I was talking to one of them, for example, the other day. She tends to be very bitchy usually and she was ready to tell me everything I did was wrong, but as she started checking it, everything was right. We were still talking and I was telling her something and admittedly got a little carried away with the passion I was putting into it. She shushed me and told me not to be so loud. I wasn't being loud, but was not being as quiet as she was. And while she did that, she gave me the mom look of disapproval. It was so humiliating.

[Anonymous]

So you're impulsive and act like a child. Do you think this is the root cause of other people trying to parent you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So you're impulsive and act like a child. Do you think this is the root cause of other people trying to parent you?

I am impulsive and act like a child because I wasn't using a quiet voice like my co-worker, instead using normal conversation voice?

[Anonymous]

It will be an uphill battle because you already set the boundaries with your inaction. The easiest way to address it is in the moment. Example, roll your eyes to the back of your skull and say not-too-quietly in a singsong voice "sooorrry moooommm!" with a laugh. Then wrap it up with a polite and sparkly "thanks again!" and walk away. Some people like to pick on people that they see take it a little harder than others. So don't let them see you taking it hard.

[Anonymous]

Example, roll your eyes to the back of your skull and say not-too-quietly in a singsong voice "sooorrry moooommm!" with a laugh. Then wrap it up with a polite and sparkly "thanks again!" and walk away.

Um, perhaps if you are a teenager working in retail. If you are an adult working in an office, don't do this.

[Anonymous]

Could it be that they're older and you're younger?

[Anonymous]

How many coworkers have this behavior? If it's a lot, I'd leave. At a job in my mid twenties, I worked at a place where older women were awful to me. I left, and it was a smart decision.

You can't change the culture, and if you have to interact with these women, just find another job. In the meantime, don't overshare with these women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could it be that they're older and you're younger?

Not really, the ones I have the most problems with are about the same age. They have been working there longer, however. I have had no issues with people who have worked there for 2 years or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many coworkers have this behavior? If it's a lot, I'd leave. At a job in my mid twenties, I worked at a place where older women were awful to me. I left, and it was a smart decision.

You can't change the culture, and if you have to interact with these women, just find another job. In the meantime, don't overshare with these women.

It's not a lot, maybe 4-5 people, but I don't see them daily. I just would like to address it so it doesn't happen every time I see them.

[Anonymous]

Keep all conversations to a minimum which means no small talk. Do not ask about their family or their weekend and for goodness sake, don't give them any info on you. Basically, keep it professional. Some women instigate a pecking order. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

PP^^here again. I forgot something my dad used to tell me when I was starting a new job. "Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut." This is how you really SEE the hierarchy.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of coworkers that are very bitchy/catty and just unnecessarily rude and confrontational about everything. Thankfully they're the exception at my organization, not the rule. I deal with them by being very aloof and cool towards them in every interaction. I don't act familiar or friendly towards them but I also don't act adversarial. I also make sure I have every t crossed and i dotted before I talk to them about ANYTHING. So when Larla comes at me with "OMG you did this completely wrong, you have to redo it all, don't you know what you're doing" I'm prepared with all the proof that I need to show that my work is correct and she is mistaken.

These are not the people to show emotion to, to ask for guidance, to have check your work, nothing. If you must submit your work to them for review due to policy, make absolutely sure the work is flawless.

There is no fixing these people or making them change their ways. They've probably always been this way and they will continue to be this way. Just take yourself out of their firing line, that's the only thing you can do.

[Anonymous]

This is why I like working with and for men