MIL extremely ill

[Anonymous]

My MIL is very sick in the ICU right now. Illness came on within 24 hours. I've been there to support them, but DH won't talk about it. I've been with him long enough to read his face and know he's upset and scared. I've told him many times he can talk to me ( both as support and for questions since I treat people with his MILs illness) but he just says he's fine and he's just exhausted. I know there is nothing more that I can do accept wait for him to open up, but it's driving me nuts. I think it's unhealthy to just hold it all in but I also know I cant push him.

Just needed to vent. Obviously this is bothering me a little bit more than it should since emotions are already high.

[Anonymous]

You seem to be the one with the more serious emotional issues. I'd seek counseling.

[Anonymous]

Everyone handles stress differently. While talking it out may work for you, it’s not his preferred approach. I recommend you don’t add to his stress by forcing/nagging him to talk.

[Anonymous]

It's very common for men to need to process things in their head before talking. They are different than women. Don't push him.

[Anonymous]

Don’t mirror his anxiety. Just be there with him, a steady presence in the trenches. He knows you’re there if he wants to talk. A warm touch can do a lot - even a hand on his shoulder, his back.

It’s normal to feel anxious and afraid, and he’s in survival mode now. It’s only been 24 hours, and it’s not unhealthy to be holding in his feelings, at this point — there’s no right or wrong and everyone copes with crises like this in different ways. Try not to project what you think he “should” be doing right now (even though it’s well-intentioned).

Just be there - it’s really enough. Help him decipher the medical jargon if he needs, and take care of him in other ways (bringing him food/drink, taking care of kids do he doesn’t have to worry and can just focus on his mom, making phone calls, etc.)

[Anonymous]

And wishing your MIL a complete recovery.

[Anonymous]

LEAVE IT ALONE.

I’m the same way as your DH and a woman and if you kept harassing me to talk when I didn’t want to talk, I’d eventually blow up at you. Then you’d be here posting again.

[Anonymous]

I rarely open up to my wife any more, and it's because she doesn't know how to listen. She just wants to fix things and move on. "Well, you need to just [oversimplified solution]."

Just make sure you're listening, and not just waiting for your turn to talk. People don't want to be told what to do, or how to feel. They just want you to be there to help them process what's happening.

[Anonymous]

It's so hard to see your spouse in pain and it's natural to want to "fix" it and make him feel better. But in these situations, you can't. The best things you can do his a hand on his leg, a small kiss, a hug. He'll talk when he's ready. You have to be the strong one and not let your emotion/anxiety be placed on him.

Wishing you and your DH the best.

[Anonymous]

Stop wanting him to be you. Just because opening up and pouring out every feeling is how you cope, it isn't the only way to cope. Many people while in the midst of the crisis, keep it all in and keep it all together so they can handle the crisis. People cope with strong emotions in many ways - not just through sitting down and sharing feelings.