Ex/ DD's dad is remarrying-- get a present?

[Anonymous]

My ex is getting remarried and I'm wondering about presents. He was engaged once before and I tried to get him something off of the registry but then they broke up. Now his wedding is coming up and I'm thinking that I should get something for our daughter to give to him, as I do for his birthdays and for Father's Day (now that I think of it, he has her do a card but doesn't do the gift thing, or thank me for helping her find and get a gift). The point of it is to show my daughter that we do generous and thoughtful things on special days. Granted, he's not teaching her that but I feel like it's my job to set that example. On the other hand, I know that he won't appreciate it (and will probably just say that his child support is being wasted) so she won't see the other 1/2 of the lesson, which is about making people happy.

So what do I do? Be classy? Be like him? Try to teach DD a lesson about generosity?

His bride-to-be is nicer than he is, but kind of dense, so I don't think she'll care one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Don't know how old you daughter is but maybe you could help her make something as a present, something that is more sentimental so that way you can teach her to be thoughtful and generous and that kind of gift might make her father appreciative. How about a piece of pottery with their names and her's and the wedding date or a framed painting by your daughter for their home.

[Anonymous]

Go the classy route. It's a great model for your daughter. You sound like a great mom.

[zumbamama]

You do sound like an awesome mom! I agree with 13:07 and 13:10. Handmade gifts from a child are so precious, and he won't be able to complain about "misused" child support.

[Anonymous]

We do this, we both get each other birthday and holiday gifts with DC's participation, it's one suggestion of mine DC's dad decided to take. If he remarries, I will encourage DC to get a gift, we will get it together if DC likes.

Have you discussed this with your ex? If not, how do you know he won't be game? I'm talking simple things. A gift certificate for a pedicure. A book. Not round-trip tickets to the Turks and Caicos!

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should have your daughter get a gift for her nice new stepmom? That pedicure certificate is a good idea. Maybe a stepmom/daughter day at the nail salon?

[Anonymous]

20:03 Not what I was thinking! Something for the two of them -- the grownups.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the ideas. What about a painted picture frame for their wedding photo, with "Daddy and ____ October 2009" on it?

That will definitely give my daughter a sense that she's giving.

[Anonymous]

OP That is a sweet idea!

[Anonymous]

OP!!!! do it! u r a great mom and after all... she will remember that you are great for her... who cares about what he is going to say about child support beeing wasted???


She will have GOOD MEMORIES... better than $...

[Anonymous]

Bottle of strong alcohol and a sympathy card for the new bride?

[Anonymous]

Definitely. I'm a big fan of the high road. I like the idea of your daughter making them something. (and if you want to give them something from you, maybe a decent bottle of wine or champagne. Not too expensive, but a thoughtful gesture.)