Public bathrooms--dads and daughters

[Anonymous]

Here's a reminder that parents might want to think through logistics of how a dad should take a daughter to the bathroom when they're out alone (or, vice versa, mom and son).

This weekend I saw a dad urging a very young girl (2 or 3?) into a public women's bathroom alone while he stood outside the door holding a baby and explaining that he wasn't allowed into the women's room. Since I was just leaving with my own daughter, I offered to help her out with the potty routine. I had great sympathy for the dad, trying to juggle both kids. Clearly, though, the situation was less than ideal.

So, if it's relevant to you, it might be worth talking through scenarios for dealing with opposite-sex children and public bathrooms, or at least asking what your partner/spouse does when placed in this sort of situation.

[Anonymous]

Here is another tip. NEVER EVER let a small child go into a public restroom alone, even if you are outside the door.

I would much rather my DD go into the mens room, with DH, than into the woman's room alone.

[Anonymous]

I am male and I can attest that I frequently see dads with daughters this age and even older in the men's room. I have never seen anyone think anything strange is happening. I'm not sure of the specifics of this dad's case, but I would say generally in this situation the better solution would be for everyone to use the men's room.

[Anonymous]

Legally, a child of the opposite sex can go into a restroom with their parent until the age of five. Not that a child of any age would not be a target for a would-be predator, but the law is in place just for that, for safety. If you take a male child in the women's restroom or vice versa you would be inside a stall anyway. Safety is placed above modesty at this point. And the law states that a CHILD can go into an opposite sex bathroom, NOT the adult. RE: A male adult cannot go into a women's restroom just because they have a female child.

[Anonymous]

There was an 8 year old girl who was assaulted in a bathroom at a toys r us in Fairfax county a little over a year ago. Predators are everywhere.

[Anonymous]

My child is very curious about the difference between boys/girls... came out of the mens room saying that daddies have big penis'.

Since then her father has been mortified, and goes into handicap stall and has her faces the door.

[Anonymous]

Bringing opposite-sex children up to age five into the bathroom makes sense to me, but much older is tough for me to understand. Pedophiles are not a new phenomenon, and I can't imagine many of us were going into the men's room with our fathers at age seven. (OP, for the record, the situation you describe is extreme -- I can't fathom why a father wouldn't take a 3-year-old girl into the men's room with him.)

I guess I also wonder whether taking older kids into opposite-sex restrooms actually has a negative impact -- namely, that we don't teach them forthrightly how to respond to and fend off a possible predator. Why not teach our older children that if anyone approaches them in the restroom, they are to loudly say "Stay away from me. You're a stranger" -- or just to yell "No! Get away!" If I'm standing right outside the restroom, I'll hear this and know to charge in; if anyone else is in the restroom, it gets their attention. And if my son goes into the men's room and isn't out within a couple of minutes, I'll stick my head in and make sure he's OK, regardless.

I'm not trying to start a war here, but I think there has to be a common sense way to handle this issue that doesn't involve bringing 8-year-old girls boys into the women's room -- and that forces us to make our children aware of their surroundings and teaches them how to respond forcefully to threats to their safety.

[madymama]

Great subject. I agree with safety above any other issues. A child should never ever go alone into a public bathroom. That is completely unsafe Maybe they should develop more family bathrooms..

As for questions of anatomy, children are naturally curious. In my opinion, the healthiest way to respond is by answering the truth in an age appropriate manner. It can also be judicious to add a bit of safety awareness tips such as: no one is to ever touch you in those private areas, unless they are your mommy or daddy cleaning you, and you are not to touch anyone in those areas either EVER (well at least not until the child is a grown-up and consent to doing so). These things can be explained simply, and clearly so long as they are told in an age appropriate manner.

We also had the problem even with our baby being very young as to where my husband would change her (no baby changing station in men's restrooms....)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legally, a child of the opposite sex can go into a restroom with their parent until the age of five. Not that a child of any age would not be a target for a would-be predator, but the law is in place just for that, for safety. If you take a male child in the women's restroom or vice versa you would be inside a stall anyway. Safety is placed above modesty at this point. And the law states that a CHILD can go into an opposite sex bathroom, NOT the adult. RE: A male adult cannot go into a women's restroom just because they have a female child.

Five is a bit young. Even a child of 7 in a public bathroom alone is to me risky. I don't care if a 7 year old boy is in the ladies bathroom with his mother. Better safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

that is issue vs. law

while legally the age may be five, what is safe is different

pedophiles and predators are not a new phenomenon but teaching our children to be safe and aware of their surroundings should be our top priority. this does not mean to scare them but to teach them (in an age-appropriate manner) what to look for and how to react to an inappropriate situation

this is about keeping an eye on our children

I agree with the previous comment on instilling more familyrestrooms in areas that are frequented largely by families