WWYD people gossiping about a good friend

[Anonymous]

This is really childish, stupid and pathetic. But I honestly don’t know know how to proceed. I am part of this closed listserv. It’s a local moms exercise group which only has about 50 members. Everyone sort of knows each other. Discussion topics are usually kids related but sometimes veer into to family relationships. Today they are discussing sordid affairs and some people are bringing up details about a group member who no longer posts or reads the posts. There are a lot of very personal details provided. Easy to guess who the person is. I asked admin to remove the thread but admin refuses. The person who is being discussed is a personal close friend. Some of the people who are commenting are her friends. I don’t know if I should alert my friend or just let it be?

[Anonymous]

That's so disappointing. Perhaps contact the administrator again and be more persistent? Otherwise you're opening yourself up to a lot of drama.

[Anonymous]

You did what you can with the admin. Don't post anymore on the forum if you can avoid it and don't respond to anyone who asks you about the gossip otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I would post a message reminding people that it's wrong to gossip about others and then I would leave it be. Don't tell your friend.

[Anonymous]

I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell my friend. It will only hurt her and provide no benefit.

I would quit the list serve. Post why without naming names.

[Anonymous]

Some of the people who are commenting are her friends. I don’t know if I should alert my friend or just let it be?

Well that's not true
Alerting your friend does nothing but hurt her - since as you say, the thread is going to be removed
I think you defend her on the thread, forcefully, or you get off the listserv

[Anonymous]

I would pm your mutual friends who are posting and say "I'm really not comfortable with some of the details you are sharing about Jane's life-I think she'd be hurt if she read those comments. I hope you'll consider deleting what you've written." I'd also, post something similar directly on the thread, and depending on how people respond I might leave the group. I wouldn't tell the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would post a message reminding people that it's wrong to gossip about others and then I would leave it be. Don't tell your friend.

This. I’d word the message as strongly and persuasively as possible, and appeal to people’s better natures.

[Anonymous]

Is the stuff true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the stuff true?

The stuff is true but the way it is presented is very cruel and some posts are too detailed. Her kids, looks, etc were commented on. She gained a lot of weight before the affair and more after it and that is one of the things that people mostly commenting on. The thread started with discussing celebrity affairs. I am leaving the listserv and the exercise group. We are mostly in our mid to late 30s so this type of behavior is surprisingly shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the stuff true?

The stuff is true but the way it is presented is very cruel and some posts are too detailed. Her kids, looks, etc were commented on. She gained a lot of weight before the affair and more after it and that is one of the things that people mostly commenting on. The thread started with discussing celebrity affairs. I am leaving the listserv and the exercise group. We are mostly in our mid to late 30s so this type of behavior is surprisingly shocking.

Thanks for the update. How sad. Kick em when they're down, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would publicly request that admin shut it down. If she refuses and people are ok with that I would post a message shaming the adults engaging in this behavior and leave the group.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the stuff true?

The stuff is true but the way it is presented is very cruel and some posts are too detailed. Her kids, looks, etc were commented on. She gained a lot of weight before the affair and more after it and that is one of the things that people mostly commenting on. The thread started with discussing celebrity affairs. I am leaving the listserv and the exercise group. We are mostly in our mid to late 30s so this type of behavior is surprisingly shocking.

You did the right thing. I hope things work out for your friend.