19 year old with ADHD

[Anonymous]

So... my 19 yr old DD ended up failing her 1st semester of college. I am not supposed to know ( she told her older sister, who helped her appeal- and won) I am so proud she took that step to seek out help and handle things; she is now re-registered. My concern is, I want to support her (she did not let me the 1st semester) but i also feel that if we are paying tuition, she should have some mandates to follow... like, attending therapy sessions. She went off all her meds (her choice); therapy may prove more beneficial. I am also requesting to have access to her online portal or whatever. I never knew a single grade she got in the fall. I never knew a single assignment. I cannot support if i do not know. My questions are... does this sound reasonable? or am I better off letting her handle things alone, very possibly failing again? She has significant anxiety and depression with the ADHD. To make things even more of a challenge, her dad pays no attention to her challenges, and just criticizes her all the time; I worry horribly about it, but wonder if living outside of the family home would be better if financialy feasible. One last issue...I am signficantly medically involved, including a very serious condition that requires me to stay stress free and BP LOW. So, trying to help my precious daughter for all this time....ALONE, has taken its toll, and is getting even harder now! SOOOO... any ideas, suggestions, etc are welcomed!

[Anonymous]

She lives at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives at home?

If you can answer this, I can give advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you, I truly do. But you are setting up an impossible situation. On the one hand you are asking if you should become involved and at the very end you reveal that you have a serious medical condition that makes stress dangerous and possibly life threatening.

Your daughters are working together without you to fix the situation so that you don't get stressed. Obviously that makes you feel guilty and now you're questioning whether there is something you can do but what choice do the girls have? If you can't have stress in your life because it's dangerous for you then stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

OP posted then instantly disappeared.

[Anonymous]

Why are you paying for 2nd semester if you have not seen first semester grades?

[Anonymous]

She will fail second semester if she does not get back on meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP posted then instantly disappeared.

people do have jobs and lives they must attend to. believe it or not, not everyone is glued to DCUM 24/7.

[Anonymous]

You might want to get in touch with the Thrive program in Maryland: it's geared toward young adults with adhd.

Bear in mind that since your child is over 18, Federal law limits your access to medical and academic records. You'd need to get your child's permission (and passwords) to get access to the online portal at their school. Some schools have procedures for giving parents limited access to grades only--again, only with express written permission of the student.

[Anonymous]

My DD has ADHD. She can try one semester off meds if she wants but the rest we’re not paying for if she fails. Your DD needs her medication and maybe she will see that now but until she does you’re wasting your money. Also, I medicated adhd can lead to anxiety and depression. Your child has a medical issue she’s not treating. Again, I’d insist on it but yes, she is over 18 and makes her own decisions.

That’s it, I’d not get involved with her assignments, etc.

[Anonymous]

My son is 18 and had adhd. Meds are non negotiable on school days. Also I have online access to all his grades. That's just life. I'm paying so I can seen the grades.

My son lives at home. He requires alot of prompting to do school work.
Also he never had accommodations in high school bit he does for college. He gets a note taker (extremely valuable for him) and extra time on exams ( not necessary but good just in case).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... my 19 yr old DD ended up failing her 1st semester of college. I am not supposed to know ( she told her older sister, who helped her appeal- and won) I am so proud she took that step to seek out help and handle things; she is now re-registered. My concern is, I want to support her (she did not let me the 1st semester) but i also feel that if we are paying tuition, she should have some mandates to follow... like, attending therapy sessions. She went off all her meds (her choice); therapy may prove more beneficial. I am also requesting to have access to her online portal or whatever. I never knew a single grade she got in the fall. I never knew a single assignment. I cannot support if i do not know. My questions are... does this sound reasonable? or am I better off letting her handle things alone, very possibly failing again? She has significant anxiety and depression with the ADHD. To make things even more of a challenge, her dad pays no attention to her challenges, and just criticizes her all the time; I worry horribly about it, but wonder if living outside of the family home would be better if financialy feasible. One last issue...I am signficantly medically involved, including a very serious condition that requires me to stay stress free and BP LOW. So, trying to help my precious daughter for all this time....ALONE, has taken its toll, and is getting even harder now! SOOOO... any ideas, suggestions, etc are welcomed!

OP She attended ODU, but will attend NOVA now. She will transfer to another school when she is ready. She will take take her medication every day she has classes.