Sexual vocabulary from 3rd grader

[Anonymous]

My daughter just started at new 3rd grade, charter, and has come home with a new interest in body parts, talking about them, and recently reached over and kissed a neighbor who is in 8th grade. When I asked her about school, she started with "you're not going to talk to my teacher?" and continued to describe boys grabbing their own crotches and gyratted hips in a sexual manner. She actually demonstrated and it was lewd. This is done when teachers aren't looking, like in the cafeteria.

Aside from telling her to stop, how would you deal with the school? How much would you tell them? What would you expect in response? Would you discuss this with other parents (very few of whom I know)? Parents of the boys? Of other girls?

My fear is escalation. That these boys will reach out and sexually abuse others.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, wish I had some good advice for you. Honestly, my gut response is to pull her out of the school. Maybe that's extreme, but I can't even begin to fathom a better solution...hopefully some other DCUMers have more/better advice.

[Anonymous]

I would DEFINITELY call the school! You want to talk with the principal and the classroom teachers. Tell them what your concerns are - that this inappropriate behavior is being learned at school and the school needs a policy against sexually provocative behavior. I would also contact members of the PTA and tell them you're interested in discussing this at the next PTA meeting. There's NO excuse for bumping, grinding, kissing, crotch-grabbing, and feeling other children up to become part of the lunchtime or recess curriculum.

Since they are a charter school they have a LOT of leeway to create policies and implement them quickly in response to parental concern s (unlike a DCPS school). They also have the leeway to suspend and even expel students who do not follow school policies. And you, as a parent, have a lot more power to work within the system and make it change to suit your child's needs.

I urge you to take advantage of your power as a parent - this is part of why you chose a charter school.

[Anonymous]

Yes, call the school. It is not unusual for 3rd graders to play with concepts and vocabulary way above their heads--but the fact is that when they do the school needs to stop and educate them about appropriateness and impact. There are lots of ways to do this with age appropriate books/discussions class meetings etc. Please inform them.

[Anonymous]

If you talk to the school, make sure your DD doesn't find out. I remember I would never tell my mom anything because I never knew what she would run off and talk to the school about.

And FWIW, I do think you should talk to the teacher, just don't let your DD find out. And ask the teacher how the kids are supervised during recess.

[Anonymous]

Call your pediatrician, too. Your daughter may be acting out because she's anxious about the transition. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

This is a perfect time to start having the talk with her. Look into PEP classes for sexuality, books, and help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect time to start having the talk with her. Look into PEP classes for sexuality, books, and help.

Possibly true, but still - HOLD THE SCHOOL ACCOUNTABLE. There MUST be dozens of other families at your DC's school would feel similarly dismayed if only they knew what was going on! Make a plan for intervention and get them on board: a good charter school WILL listen to you.

[Anonymous]

21:56 Of course hold the school accountable. But a call to the pediatrician seems essential, too, since she is acting out at home. The school can't help there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:56 Of course hold the school accountable. But a call to the pediatrician seems essential, too, since she is acting out at home. The school can't help there.

21:56 here. I don't think we're necessarily in disagreement. My emphasis on holding the school accountable stems from the sense that it is where the root of the OP's (child's) problems lie. However, your point is no doubt a good one. I have heard of PEP but am not really familiar with it. Can you elaborate? What do you think PEP would offer? (Not picking a fight here - but sincerely interested).

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

http://www.parentencouragement.org/

I didn't suggest PEP, not sure what the person who did has in mind. I'm the one who suggested calling the pediatrician. My child's pediatrician says she gets a number of sexuality questions a week in her practice. She's been helpful along the way. I hope the school is responsive. The behavior OP describes is not ideal and should be addressed. Ditto the daughter's response to it.