Did you have fun parents growing up?

[Anonymous]

Did you have fun parents growing up? I most definitely did not have fun parents. By that I mean that my parents didn't go out of their way to plan a fun environment for me (I was an only). We never ate at kid-friendly restaurants (only went to fancy ones), we never celebrated holidays (Thanksgiving was eating out at a restaurant, that was it), they didn't ever decorate the house for anything, on the weekends they did not spend time with me going to the zoo, museums, etc.--they did yard work outside while I spent my entire weekend inside watching TV. My house was not kid-friendly either, full of breakables and very sterile-feeling.

I am trying very hard to be a fun parent.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my childhood. The rare moments when my parents were fun/spontaneous are my favorite memories. I don't think it would be the same if they were always trying to be fun.

I really like how I was raised. I know I won't be the same type of parent entirely, but I strive not to make every second of the day centered around my kids. I don't want them to think the world revolves around them.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha! Not in the commonly-understood sense of the word.

And DH and I aren't "fun" either. We are introverted research scientists.

We do make our kids laugh with our silliness. But materially, we lead austere lives compared to the excess around us. We are frugal, don't give lots of gifts or do lavish parties.

Weekends are spent hiking and practicing music and our native language (lots of homework for both). Just as I did as a child. Which means my non-fun parents must have done something right after all!

Now are we all HAPPY? Yes, and that's the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

Not really. My mom was fun on occasion, but dad repeatedly informed us that he was not our "babysitter."

DH and I are fun, loving, interactive, and involved parents.

[Anonymous]

Were you an only child? I find that with siblings, things usually become more kid-friendly.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I always felt like an afterthought, my parents had their adult lives and adult interests and they fit me into their life. For instance, we would go out to a fancy restaurant on Saturday nights because that's what they liked, or my mother cooked gourmet meals every night with spicy food because that's what they liked. I would have loved to go to a kid-friendly restaurant instead or eat grilled cheese for dinner (and as an adult I don't eat spicy food because of my childhood). I wish my childhood had been more kid-friendly but my mother would say things like, "I'm not making a whole Thanksgiving dinner for just the 3 of us," etc. It made me feel like we didn't have a real family and that I was not enough.

[Anonymous]

I guess I was the opposite and I don't want that for my kids either. My parents' lives revolved around us kids. My parents never had any friends and never went on date nights by themselves. Even as a kid I felt like they should focus on their marriage and their friendships. I was jealous that friends got fun babysitters on the weekend nights. DH and I are trying to balance that and to make sure our kids see us holding hands, compromising, hugging and enjoying each other's company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you an only child? I find that with siblings, things usually become more kid-friendly.

OP here. Yes I was an only (by choice for them, they only wanted one). Oddly enough, back then growing up in the 80s almost all my friends were onlies too. Now it's very difficult to find only child families out in the suburbs where I live now.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I think your parents were a little selfish. I try to be more fun then my parents were too. My mother in particular was very self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

No. Parents were not expected to be playmates or make life fun when I was a kid. Times have changed.

[Anonymous]

My husband did, I didn't. I've learned a lot from him.

He bought a drop cloth after our first daughter turned 1, and come Halloween time, I arrived home from work to find he and the baby shirtless on the drop cloth carving pumpkins. It had NEVER OCCURRED to me to carve pumpkins.

He hung a clothesline in our home office and puts up art projects the girls do, changing them out monthly. We do go to fancy restaurants, but always make sure there's something the girls will enjoy. I think we took them to IHoP once.

I grew up always being told to be quiet, but now when our kids want to talk during a conversation with other adults we'll wait for a break and then turn to them with "What did you want to add?"

When our oldest DD was 3, on New Years, we went in to her room, woke her up and sprayed whipped cream into her mouth. She thought it was the highlight of her little life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I always felt like an afterthought, my parents had their adult lives and adult interests and they fit me into their life. For instance, we would go out to a fancy restaurant on Saturday nights because that's what they liked, or my mother cooked gourmet meals every night with spicy food because that's what they liked. I would have loved to go to a kid-friendly restaurant instead or eat grilled cheese for dinner (and as an adult I don't eat spicy food because of my childhood). I wish my childhood had been more kid-friendly but my mother would say things like, "I'm not making a whole Thanksgiving dinner for just the 3 of us," etc. It made me feel like we didn't have a real family and that I was not enough.

Hmm. It's hard to tell whether you have a whiny and resentful personality, or whether your parents really never did anything you asked for.
Parents of the old persuasion were taught to think that children did NOT come first, unlike modern parenting philosophy. Neither my friends nor I had parents who bent over backwards to make everything kid-friendly, however, they showed they loved us in other ways, such as occasionally doing things we really wanted. Those occasions were rare and treasured.

[Anonymous]

My father was not really fun. My parents divorced and my km had a hard life as a single mom, she did her best on limited money. We did have fun, but not in the same way that kids these days have an “event” every single weekend. Always going to a movie or a tree lighting ceremony or Zara zone or a play. I think there are more opportunities these days to have memorable occasions than when we were growing up. Also a different expectation of how much time should be spent with your kids (a lot more now).

[Anonymous]

OP here. Here's another example. When I was little, I would occasionally have a friend over to play, but my mother viewed this as a chance to keep me busy and out of her hair so she could have time to herself.

My kids are 2 and 4 and when I told her we don't do drop off playdates yet she was shocked. She was stunned that I have to "entertain the mother too" instead of "having time to myself" when we do playdates. She viewed entertaining the mother has a burden.

I view playdates as a chance to have fun, and most importantly build community for my kids by making family friends with the other family--both parents usually come to the playdate. But it's a chance for me to make friends, build community, and make friends for my kids. In contrast, my father never ever would have taken me to a playdate or birthday party when I was growing up, let alone stayed for the duration, and my parents never had families over for anything. They had lots of adults only dinner parties, but I was expected to stay in my room and not come out during the party.

[Anonymous]

No but I don't think it was that common back then. Parents weren't just as involved in their kids' lives as they are now. In the summer we were literally sent out in the morning, came home for lunch and then again for dinner. My parents had no idea we were riding our bikes all over finding cool areas of Rock Creek Park. We climbed trees, played in the creek and occasionally would find a random stash of beer or a homeless encampment.

I did have two friends whose parents were very good friends with each other. They'd go to fancy locales with each other and have each other's familes over on the weekend. I was very envious of that. Their parents also drank and mine didn't. Now those fun parents have a dozen grandchildren and all of their kids live within walking distance of where they grew up. They obviously did something right.