Extended family visits wearing on nuclear family

[Anonymous]

I’m feeling like our family is being stretched too thin.

My husband only has two weekends off a month, due to his rotations. I try my best to visit with my side of the family on the weekends my husband works, but it always feels like we are being pulled in all directions.

DH has grandparents still alive, though sickly and with time wearing thin, and he justly feels we should spend as much time with them while they are alive.

Then the ILs want to do dinners on weekends. As do my parents, occasionally. Not to mention sleepovers once in a while.

Then we have kids activities on the weekends.

It just feels like we never have time to just enjoy our kids alone, without visiting. And with only four weekend days a month that DH is off, it feels like we are never alone. We are always off visiting someone. Always spread thin. Someone is always telling us “I hope we can get together soon!”

Anyone else live like this? How can we make it better?

[Anonymous]

Why can't you see his family equally while he is working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you see his family equally while he is working?

Well, they want to see him as well! Not just the kids and me.

[Anonymous]

Save one weekend a month for yourselves. Use the other one for visits. You can only do so much. Use the IL's as babysitters, so they can get kid time, and you can have date nights.

It's okay to recognize you have limits and can't do everything.

[Anonymous]

Get H on the same page as you. Carve a weekend out in advance and schedule visits around it. Put it on all your calendars if it helps, but your nuclear family time needs to be treated just as important as others.

[Anonymous]

Combine the ILs with DH's grandparents as much as possible. Is everyone local? Could a weeknight dinner occasionally work? You could get takeout to make it easy. Otherwise you just have to say no sometimes. Our family isn't local and we just can't visit nearly as much as relatives would like.

[Anonymous]

First of all it's the rotations. Some of it. Secondly, it's your inaction or not having resolve that creates this problem.

[Anonymous]

Drop the kids off with these grandparents and spend time with your husband alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you see his family equally while he is working?

Well, they want to see him as well! Not just the kids and me.

They cannot have it all. I go visit my MIL alone during the day while kids are at school and will take them after school and other times husband is not available. But, I'm her favorite.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to want what you want.

[Anonymous]

How far do all of these people live from you? That's a big part of this equation.

[Anonymous]

What is so unusual about this? Suck it up. It is part of family life.

[Anonymous]

Just because they hope to see you soon doesn't mean you have to. Politely decline sometimes. Get on the same page with DH and then accept or decline accordingly. Or meet them out or have them over for brunch to get it over with and enjoy the rest of the weekend.