Stoping obligatory gift giving?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I’m so over the gift giving to adults.

My DH, with my help (of course; he doesn’t know what to buy) spent the past weekend, after much thought, buying nice gifts for my ILs.

My MIL today calls me and says, “OK if we just get you the usual XYZ gift card we got you last year. You liked that!”

This is the 4th or 5th year they’ve gotten us a gift card.

What’s the point of exchanging? I could have just spent the money I spent on them, on the gift card for myself. And what’s worse, I know what we are getting!

I’d like to stop the gifts. My husband refuses: it will hurt his mom’s feelings. Fine. Let’s just buy THEM a gift card and be done. He doesn’t like that, he wants to buy meaningful stuff, and that requires us both thinking because he’s useless.

How do I approach this? How can we stop the stupid obligatory gift giving?

[Anonymous]

Buy them a gift card.

[Anonymous]

Drop the ball. Let him shop if he insists on gifting. If he screws up, it's on him.

[Anonymous]

I’m with PP. my ILs refuse to stop the exchange, they also expect and demand “meaningful “ gifts from their lists. In return I? get really useful things like yet another rosary. After years of being ticked about it, I? just said to hell with it, if H does it fine, if not, I? don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Clearly this year the ship has sailed if you’ve already had the conversation. Perhaps you can suggest that next year instead of exchanging gifts you can go out together and enjoy an event. Get show tix, Nutcracker, a sports event, or even just a dinner. We started doing this with my brother and SIL and it’s become a fun tradition. We all pay our own way and just enjoy being together and splurging on something we probably wouldn’t do just as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly this year the ship has sailed if you’ve already had the conversation. Perhaps you can suggest that next year instead of exchanging gifts you can go out together and enjoy an event. Get show tix, Nutcracker, a sports event, or even just a dinner. We started doing this with my brother and SIL and it’s become a fun tradition. We all pay our own way and just enjoy being together and splurging on something we probably wouldn’t do just as a couple.

This is a wonderful idea!

This is OP and if only I can get my DH on board. He feels he owes his mother this. That’s fine, but why the hell cant he make a decision on his own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’m so over the gift giving to adults.

My DH, with my help (of course; he doesn’t know what to buy) spent the past weekend, after much thought, buying nice gifts for my ILs.

My MIL today calls me and says, “OK if we just get you the usual XYZ gift card we got you last year. You liked that!”

This is the 4th or 5th year they’ve gotten us a gift card.

What’s the point of exchanging? I could have just spent the money I spent on them, on the gift card for myself. And what’s worse, I know what we are getting!

I’d like to stop the gifts. My husband refuses: it will hurt his mom’s feelings. Fine. Let’s just buy THEM a gift card and be done. He doesn’t like that, he wants to buy meaningful stuff, and that requires us both thinking because he’s useless.

How do I approach this? How can we stop the stupid obligatory gift giving?

Why is this so hard? Tap out. Tell him he has to get the gift, wrap it and deliver it. I really doubt you are some brilliant gift giver. He can do just as good as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with PP. my ILs refuse to stop the exchange, they also expect and demand “meaningful “ gifts from their lists. In return I? get really useful things like yet another rosary. After years of being ticked about it, I? just said to hell with it, if H does it fine, if not, I? don’t care.

I just can't believe people over age 12 still feel they're so important they need to draw up a list.

[Anonymous]

Two years ago, I tried to cut the useless trading of gift cards and "you tell me what you want and I'll tell you what I want". It almost wrecked my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Gift basket that gets smaller each year and then the next year, gift card. I don't know why a piece of plastic is any better than actual cash. It's really gotten stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly this year the ship has sailed if you’ve already had the conversation. Perhaps you can suggest that next year instead of exchanging gifts you can go out together and enjoy an event. Get show tix, Nutcracker, a sports event, or even just a dinner. We started doing this with my brother and SIL and it’s become a fun tradition. We all pay our own way and just enjoy being together and splurging on something we probably wouldn’t do just as a couple.

This is a wonderful idea!

This is OP and if only I can get my DH on board. He feels he owes his mother this. That’s fine, but why the hell cant he make a decision on his own!

So just start giving her the gift of an experience (even better if you can send just him with his mother! ) and if she wants to “exchange” a gift, she can buy a dinner beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with PP. my ILs refuse to stop the exchange, they also expect and demand “meaningful “ gifts from their lists. In return I? get really useful things like yet another rosary. After years of being ticked about it, I? just said to hell with it, if H does it fine, if not, I? don’t care.

I just can't believe people over age 12 still feel they're so important they need to draw up a list.

+1
Just buy your own damn things if you know what you want, fellow adult.