Third wheel friendships

[Anonymous]

I have two friends, let’s call them Lara and Larla. I became friends with them in the last few years and they have been best friends for quite a while. Inevitably, every time I make plans individually with one of them, because they talk constantly the other finds out and the first asks if the other can join and I feel strange saying no. I like them both separately but don’t love getting together with just the three of us because I end up feeling like their third wheel. WWYD/how do I address this? I wouldn’t mind if this happened from time to time as we are all friends, but it happens every single time.

[Anonymous]

I am a pretty straightforward person, so I would probably tell them this directly. “Lara, the last few times I have asked you to lunch, we have ended up inviting Larla to. As much as I like Larla, I really value having one on one time with you. I’m hoping that this time it can be just the two of us, and we can get together with Larla on a different day. “

[Anonymous]

Oh, I'm sorry. I did not realize you both had plans. I hope you have a great time. I don't want to impose.

[Anonymous]

Usually I do this when I’m not particularly fond of someone... I’ll only go if the other goes too.

[Anonymous]

I would try bringing a fourth person, especially a mutual friend who also has this issue. Ideally each of you engages with one of the pair, or if that fails you have someone to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually I do this when I’m not particularly fond of someone... I’ll only go if the other goes too.

Why even go at all then? It makes the person in the receiving end feel uncomfortable and unliked so you might as well just never make the plans to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am a pretty straightforward person, so I would probably tell them this directly. “Lara, the last few times I have asked you to lunch, we have ended up inviting Larla to. As much as I like Larla, I really value having one on one time with you. I’m hoping that this time it can be just the two of us, and we can get together with Larla on a different day. “

I have been on the receiving end of such a comment and it made me feel weird and the situation awkward. Truth be told, I didn't like hanging out with the person because they were boring and talked too much without every taking a break. I think a PP is right - when they are always inviting the other person, they don't enjoy spending time with you one on one. I am sorry.