Some coworkers are being ice cold

[Anonymous]

I've been feeling less than welcome at my new job. I have really clicked with one of my coworkers though. I told her how I feel she said "It's not you; they just don't like new people around here" Please explain to me what that's about, she couldn't explain beyond assuring me that it wasn't personal. How do I deal with this? Continue to pretend I don't notice? Address it? It feels so uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Are you on a team of introverts? Speaking as one, sometimes it can take a while to warm up to a new person. Doesn't mean I don't like you or don't want you around; it just means I'm not going to bring you into the circle of sharing until I'm comfortable that you're awesome enough to be there. Just be cool and friendly, let people get to know who you are as a person, and hopefully they'll open up.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer? In my field you get ahead by getting others in trouble. Truly horrific field

[Anonymous]

I find new hire awkwardness often originates in your boss telling you to prioritize certain items that need a fresh perspective but boss doesn't give the rest of the staff a heads up that this is happening. So it looks like new hire is stirring up trouble. If you suspect that's the case, then clearly state "boss has asked me to focus on XYZ. here are my initial thoughts. Do you think I might be missing something?"

If that's not the issue, just be sure to listen more than talk in your first 90 days. Some one who comes in thinking s/he knows everything and can fix it with awesomeness is annoying. There's always nuance. Discover it before making recommendations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find new hire awkwardness often originates in your boss telling you to prioritize certain items that need a fresh perspective but boss doesn't give the rest of the staff a heads up that this is happening. So it looks like new hire is stirring up trouble. If you suspect that's the case, then clearly state "boss has asked me to focus on XYZ. here are my initial thoughts. Do you think I might be missing something?"

If that's not the issue, just be sure to listen more than talk in your first 90 days. Some one who comes in thinking s/he knows everything and can fix it with awesomeness is annoying. There's always nuance. Discover it before making recommendations.

Yeah the new hire who walks into the offices of their equals and says they are here to fix something or fix something that person does is automatically going to be treated with suspicion.

[Anonymous]

I don't like new people. It's really NOT you. I don't do well with change. Everything different about someone new strikes me as an irritation which I know is irrational so I don't bitch about you mumbling "whoops" to yourself when you make a typo or saying "Bye now!" cheerily each time you hang up the phone. Because I know there's nothing wrong with you doing those things.

It just takes me a while. I know some people don't have patience for me to get over my own shit. If that's you, that's okay. Otherwise, give it time - I'll come around.

[Anonymous]

Been on my job for 3 years and it is still this way. I find that when this happens it is a huge red flag about the culture of the organization. Get in, get what you want out of the job, then get out once your mission is accomplished. You will be happier in a place where people are supportive and enjoy your company.

[Anonymous]

I come to work to work not make friends. I will be very formal with you when need be and nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come to work to work not make friends. I will be very formal with you when need be and nothing more.

Didn’t realize being warm and congenial at work meant you were trying to make friends. You know it just feels better not to deal with jerks and not to be one.

[Anonymous]

You really have to act in such a way of how you want to be treated OP. That means you should take the lead in bringing in cookies or something inexpensive for people's birthdays, going around and saying hello, etc. Don't wait for people to come to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really have to act in such a way of how you want to be treated OP. That means you should take the lead in bringing in cookies or something inexpensive for people's birthdays, going around and saying hello, etc. Don't wait for people to come to you.

Bad advice. Do NOT do this. Just be professional and cordial. And be on alert no one is trying to sabotage your work. That's really all you can do. And maintain a good relationship with your manager and/or direct reports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really have to act in such a way of how you want to be treated OP. That means you should take the lead in bringing in cookies or something inexpensive for people's birthdays, going around and saying hello, etc. Don't wait for people to come to you.

Bad advice. Do NOT do this. Just be professional and cordial. And be on alert no one is trying to sabotage your work. That's really all you can do. And maintain a good relationship with your manager and/or direct reports.

EXACTLY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really have to act in such a way of how you want to be treated OP. That means you should take the lead in bringing in cookies or something inexpensive for people's birthdays, going around and saying hello, etc. Don't wait for people to come to you.

Bad advice. Do NOT do this. Just be professional and cordial. And be on alert no one is trying to sabotage your work. That's really all you can do. And maintain a good relationship with your manager and/or direct reports.

Yes, don't take the first advice. Be cordial, say hello, don't go overboard.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be weird for someone new to take the lead on bringing in cookies for birthdays or something. Especially if someone else on the team does that already.

[Anonymous]

I have seen people warm up more quickly to new coworkers when they are invited individually to coffee or to meet with them - the new coworker takes an active interest in their work/perspective/opinions and starts off the relationship on a kind note. Now if you will never actually work together directly it's a litlte more awkward, but most people respond well to other people showing an interest in them.