Parent interviews

[Anonymous]

I am a single parent and will be applying to some private schools this year. Some of the schools have interviews for the parents and a few said that both parents should attend. My daughter's father is barely involved in her life so I doubt he will come with me to these interviews. How do I explain the absence of her father is the admissions people ask during the interview?

[Anonymous]

I would be very surprised if an admission person asked you why the child's father wasn't at the interview. However, the interview would be the perfect time for you to mention the involvement of him in your child's life. Every school has parents like you.

[Anonymous]

I think all you need to say it that you are a single parent, and it will just be you. They'll get it that dad is uninvolved.

[Anonymous]

Agree that all you need to say is that you are a single mother. Heck, both my kids have kids in their class with single moms who were conceived with sperm donors. I think you will find that most ADs welcome all kinds of families.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I never meet any other single parents so I always feel like the "only one." I didn't know if it would reflect badly on my daughter's chances if she came from a "broken" family even though we are very stable just the two of us.

[Anonymous]

My DH came to exactly zero interviews. Nobody visibly appeared to care, I just addressed his absence matter-of-factly (work, busy, economy).

If you are similarly cheery and matter-of-fact ("It'll just be me today; I'm a single parent") I bet it won't impact your child's package.

[Anonymous]

Can you talk with your ex to find out what he is able to do? Or, is he someone that is best not involved at all in this process? I would coordinate that first and then talk with the AD in advance of the interview so they know what to expect. Above all, don't create surprises or unexpected situations re your ex. Keep it as positive as possible and be very factual about the situation.

Based upon some situations at our former school, schools will want assurance that tuition will be paid without problems and they also don't want to experience ex-spouse conflicts. You will need to reassure them via these two points. I am a child of divorced parents with an absent father who attended private schools so some of this is from my own personal experience.

We had a situation at our former school where one child's divorced parents made school life very difficult and caused continual problems for the teachers and administration. Years of legal fights that resulted in a number of administrators, teachers and parents being served papers to testify in court. Not fun for anyone. Schools, like anyone else, want to avoid this.

With that said, I would also say that some schools welcome single parents more than others. Our former school had tons of parents with their own birth names as well as single parents. Our new school seems to be primarily filled by Mr. and Mrs. John Smith types. Single parents are much fewer.

Absolutely apply where you want but do investigate the school culture. One of the easiest things to do is to peruse the school directory of families. Ask some friends who send their children there for some advice on how to reassure the Admissions Committee of your situation.

[Anonymous]

I essentially agree with everyone above but if the school has asked for both of you, take that as a clue and give them a head's up before the interview. I've heard stories about parent-teacher conferences where both parents were expected and there were issues about getting them both at the same table. Teachers and LS Head got upset.

Schools really don't care whether or not the child comes from a single parent home. What they don't want are surprises or to walk into a long-standing conflict by accepting your child. You don't have to say anything, but the smart thing to do is to offer reassurance ("Btw, it is only me as the parent...") that this is not an issue for you.

Better safe than sorry - it could mean the difference between whether your child gets accepted or not in this very competitive private school world.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have no worries about my daughter's father (he isn't my ex-husband; we were never married) causing any trouble. He literally couldn't be bothered to attend any interviews, parent/teacher conferences, etc. It is just me and always will be me (unless I got remarried at some point in the future). I would assume they admissions people would look at the application prior to the interview, right? They will see that I am a single parent from the application so do I really need to call ahead of time to explain why Dad won't be there? As far as tuition, he has always contributed half w/o complaint. Our situation has been the same since our daughter was born. I take care of her 24/7, he occasionally visits her at home, he pays child support and pays for half of her schooling. I don't have any way of finding out whether or not there are many single parents in the schools I am applying to. I would think there are other non-traditional families in most of the schools I am applying to.

[Anonymous]

Honeslty, if they are prejudice because the father isn't there, it's not a great environment for your son/daughter

[Anonymous]

I don't see the issue as prejudiced - it's all about giving subtle reassurances to the school that this will not be an issue. You have to understand that the Admissions Committee is guided by the Board of Directors and is required to perform actions that will ensure the longevity and fiscal security of the school. They want to make sure that any family coming in will not complicate the school's daily function with family or financial issues. Do this and the school will be more comfortable as they evaluate the apps. Don't make a big deal out of it, but you do need to communicate well and not make assumptions.

As for telling them in advance, you may not have to do it. Read the clues that each school gives you. When you make your appointment, do clarify that it will only be you.

You have to understand that in this highy-competitive private school atmosphere, schools will always give more credit to families they feel are stable and financially-independent. Not having enough information about you might put questions on the table for them. And this might mean the difference between getting in or not. If the last remaining slot comes down to you and another family, they will almost always go with the better-known factor.

[Anonymous]

I think if you're application says its just you, then they aren't going to expect a father. And really I wouldn't worry about it in your situation at all. Maybe you can mention him in the interview, and say you want a nice stable environment for your child since he never had a strong father figure in his life, etc. etc. I think they specify they want both mother and father because they don't want an Ari Gold type of man sneaking into the school - if he doesn't show up for the interview, they won't know to not accept his child.

[Anonymous]

I am curious how schools know which families are "stable and financially independent"? Is a single parent family not stable? Just b/c there is a mother and father at the interview, do they earn stability points b/c there are two of them? My parents were married but we were the least stable family around! The stability came after my mother left my father. As far as financially independent, don't these schools make their admissions decisions first w/o knowing about the family finances?

[Anonymous]

8:54 A single parent is more likely to have a lower household income.

OP,
I agree that schools see applicants like you all the time. Have you studied the parent essay questions? They often ask if there are things that the school should know about the applicant. I'd explain your home life there. Teachers are going to need to have this information, your daughter is going to field questions about her dad, so study the questions, which the AD will have read before your interview, and take it from there. Also, confirm with your daughter's dad that he will sign the contract once accepted. Or apply for financial aid with you if that's your route. It's required at many school (both parents, regardless of involvement).

[Anonymous]

OP - I strongly back 9:41's suggestions but would say that the less explaining you have to do about the father, the better. A statement such as " Her father and I have gone our separate ways." is all you really need. It will tell them that things will not get messy and that you are the responsible party.

What the school asks in their applications is key to what is important to them.