When would you let your teenager date?

[Anonymous]

I have a 16yr old stepdaughter. DH has custody, and DSD only visits her mom twice a year in Texas. DSD and I are very close and she has started seeing a boy from school. The boy is an honor student, a good kid from what I've seen. DH doesn't have a problem with them going to the movies on a Friday night, but the mother does. She told DSD that she thinks she's too young, but then she told DH that she is against her daughter dating outside her race. I am on good terms with her mother, but I had no idea she was so closed minded. DSD hadn't mentioned her the boy's race to her mother, but I guess she saw a picture on her FB page. Now she can't shut up about the problems of interracial dating. UGH!

[Anonymous]

So I guess the problem here isn't that she's too young but that she's not dating within her race...two different issues.

[Anonymous]

My 16 YO doesn't date yet but I would let her. Some of her classmates are dating and have been for probably a year. She goes to a girls school so the dynamics are a little different. And I am totally fine with interracial dating.

[Anonymous]

If they are good kids, 16 is perfectly old enough. The mother's issue seems to be race. If she only sees her daughter 2x a year, it could be that she is struggling with not having an active role in her daughters life at this important age and she is trying to assert some control. At the end of the day, it's not really her decision is it?

[Anonymous]

I don't even want to pick up the phone now. As a SM, I try not to meddle too much. I would totally stand by the mom if she felt it was the age thing. But now that I know that it's a racial thing, I don't even want to talk to the woman.

BTW, the mom used to have custody but was ready to give it up after she remarried and had 2 more kids. She only parents her oldest when she feels like it. I guess she feels like it now.

[Anonymous]

This is so complicated. Try to ignore her. Now you know she has a side you didn't know she had before. She is not likely to influence the situation. Her protesting, whether it's on the basis of age or color, would, if her daughter knew about it, probably only make the heart grow fonder.

[Anonymous]

good kid, honor student... perfect intro to dating.

I wouldn't listen to the out-of-state mom. What's she going to do? She can express her displeasure to her daughter, and her daughter can make whatever decision she wants.