Overly empathetic 6yo?

[Anonymous]

Our DD came to us torn, because she has a little school girl who isn’t “popular” (whatever that is in first grade) and who everyone ignores. DD told us she’s often excluded and cries at recess. My daughter said she told her group of friends she wanted to go comfort the girl, and they told her not to. She said they “blocked her” from going to the other girl. She’s very concerned that his girl is sad and excluded, and very upset that she cries. I’m not sure what age-appropriate advice I can give her. Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll? She’s not overly empathetic, she is kind and has a heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? She’s not overly empathetic, she is kind and has a heart.

This is OP and I’m not a troll! I wasn’t sure what to put as the title! I apologize!

Yes, she is a sweetheart but doesn’t understand what to do! I don’t know what to say that will get through to her as a 6yo.

[jjconcern]

DD sounds like a sweetheart surrounded by a group of girls at their worst. As a former school psychologist in both elementary and secondary schools, we were always wanting to know if this kind of a situation was going on so that we could tactfully and quietly help the hurting child. You might ask the teacher if she is aware of how unhappy the little girl is at recess or school in general. Often there are repercussions for being brave and standing alone for another child but I would encourage your daughter to follow her heart and meanwhile let the teacher or principal or school psychologist know of the situation. A real chance for your daughter to build character and courage.

[Anonymous]

Tell your dd that you think it's a great idea for her to be nice and to play with the other girl at recess. If her friends try to block her again she can either talk to the teacher on her own or maybe you could send a email to the teacher explaining what's going on. You could also invite the girl over for a play date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? She’s not overly empathetic, she is kind and has a heart.

This is OP and I’m not a troll! I wasn’t sure what to put as the title! I apologize!

Yes, she is a sweetheart but doesn’t understand what to do! I don’t know what to say that will get through to her as a 6yo.

I don't think you need to say anything.

Your daughter is following the mean girl crowd even though she knows in her heart that the mean girls are wrong. She's crying b/c she's conflicted. Let her work it out. My guess is that she will be a follower until the mean girls target her.

[Anonymous]

It's a sad world we live in where empathy is now seen as a bad thing and kids try to prevent empathetic responses.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that being brave means standing up to friends, and respecting yourself means that you follow your own conscience even when friends tell you to do something different.
That is probably one of life's most important lessons. You might want to listen to this song with her:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk2NvNPzgv4
(The Courage Song)
I feel like there are some books that might be appropriate but I'm sort of blanking on good suggestions -- here are two that might be appropriate: Courage by Bernard Waber or The Story of Ruby Bridges by Robert Coles.

Or go see the movie Wonder, in which (spoiler alert) there is a character that sees the child that no one else will talk to, and gets up to cross the lunch room to sit with him because she says she'd rather have "nice friends." There's another child that caves to peer pressure, but then feels terrible about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? She’s not overly empathetic, she is kind and has a heart.

This is OP and I’m not a troll! I wasn’t sure what to put as the title! I apologize!

Yes, she is a sweetheart but doesn’t understand what to do! I don’t know what to say that will get through to her as a 6yo.

I don't think you need to say anything.

Your daughter is following the mean girl crowd even though she knows in her heart that the mean girls are wrong. She's crying b/c she's conflicted. Let her work it out. My guess is that she will be a follower until the mean girls target her.

This is terrible advice! The kid is 6 -- she needs guidance. Don't just "let her work it out."

I don't think you should storm into the school and figure it out for her, but you need to give her advice and support. Tell her that you understand how she's feeling, ask her how she thinks the other girl is feeling and how the other friends are feeling. Help her try to sort out the situation through questions, and ask her what she would want someone to do if she were the left-out girl.

I agree with the PP to mention this to the teacher. Perhaps the teacher can help sort things out a bit.

Your DD is not overly empathetic, nor is she doing anything wrong. This is really hard, and it's going to happen over and over in life. You can help her by encouraging her to be kind to everyone and to find ways to include the other girl without alienating her other friends.