Learning how to be contentedly single
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Anonymous
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I'm 32. I've been in major relationships for the past eight years, with little "down time" between them, and know I need time and space to work on myself before getting involved in yet another hot mess.
How do I do it? |
Anonymous
| I had a period of singleness in my early thirties after being in relationships throughout my 20s. I visited friends and family all over the country, got a professional certification, sold my condo, had little rituals with myself that I could not have done when I was cohabitating. I also looked into why I felt I always needed to be in a relationship. It was a lonely time in many ways because my friends were getting married and having babies, but that discomfort was ultimately so, so useful and I learned a lot about myself. I did meet someone and we dated and lived separately for a few years before getting married, and more than anything I'm sentimental about those simple, unfettered years of JUST ME. It's so hard to feel it in the moment, though. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Therapy, exercise, doing things by yourself, exploring new hobbies.
And do not enter a new relationship until you can be happy and content by yourself. |
Anonymous
| Date multiple people at once - long term relationships that go nowhere drain the life out of you |
Anonymous
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For me, it was working on my mental health. I have trouble making solid friendships as an adult, and to compensate I got into relationships too hastily in order to have companionship. Alcohol also played a role, in that I was drinking too much, attracting men who also drank too much as a consequence, and drinking led to premature emotional intimacy. Drinking was a shortcut to the otherwise long and occasionally painful process of getting to know someone, and I ended up with people who weren't suited for me.
Strong friendships are key, and if that's not happening for you, then being as social as you can and as healthy as you can will lead you to a better headspace and a better life. It's important to take any dating situation as slowly as you can before committing and not let wishful thinking or loneliness push you into something. |
Anonymous
| Feeling content with being single is an anomaly for a 32-year-old woman. Why lie to yourself? Maybe take a little time to regroup and figure out your goals, but I doubt you see yourself raising cats in the distant future. Good luck! |
Anonymous
Well, I'm getting out of a marriage and have two kids, so no cat-raising in my immediate future 
Thanks for these helpful responses |
Anonymous
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Just don’t date. Don’t go actively looking. Do solo activities. When I separated from my ex-DH, I wanted to stay single for awhile, so I moved to an apartment that was 15 minutes out of the way from a lot of popular bars and hot spots in my town and nobody I really knew lived in this area. I isolated myself a little bit this way but nothing crazy. I stayed home at night and learned different things to cook, or cleaned, or took a long awesome bubble bath, or read books. I went running a lot and walked my dog more. If I went out it was usually like a sit down dinner with girlfriends or a movie night in with them.
A lot of it is just saying no. No, I don’t want to go to a bar. No, I’m not going to go on Match today. No, I don’t want to meet your single brother. |
Anonymous
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You just do it. It helps if you have a decent circle of friends and a hobby or two. I have a big circle of friends, so it's easy not to date - I just go out with them instead of going on Tinder/Bumble or whatever. The rest of the time I just keep busy with work and workouts and concerts and art and stuff. I do a fair amount of stuff solo - like checking out restaurants I've been curious about, with a book.
I'm not always content with being single - I suspect few are - but most of the time I'm just fine. |