Single parent - Time to leave hometown?

[Anonymous]

I live in a large city, been here my whole life. I have a tween, a house, and a decent job.

But I'm stressed. My job pays decent but is dead end at this company. I hate the traffic where I live. I love my family and friends, but barely see them due to traffic and how spread out everything is.

I've thought about moving somewhere else. Not sure where, and I'm open to ideas. I want a better quality of life, and a mid sized city that is a pleasure to live in and has plenty of good jobs and an educated population. Any suggestions?

Have any single parents moved on their own, away from their support system and everything they know? How was it? Was it a good experience for you? Any advice?

The other parent is barely in the picture, and we were never married so no custody issues.

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your kid?

Sorry. Tween. If your tween is thriving now, I'd say "if it ain't broke...".

You don't want to encounter teen problems in a place you have no support or reputation.

[Anonymous]

North Carolina - good educated population especially in the research triangle area plus low COL. Don't know your field of work so can't tell you if your market is 'dead-end' there though.

[Anonymous]

OP, the problem with desirable locations is folks like you flock there and ruin it for everybody else. Stay put. Any place that's worth it will be overrun with transplants in no time. I moved for career advancement and was pretty happy for a while. Then the influx of idiots started getting to me. Maybe you can hold off until your child is out of the house. Unless he or she wants to move. (I was dying to move when I was a kid, but my parents were not having any of it.)

[Anonymous]

You give very little info, but Richmond, NC, and parts of PA all come to mind.

[Anonymous]

Moving a tween away from her friends and family at an age when kids at school start to get really mean is going to be very rough for her and you for what amounts to a whim. At least wait 6-7 more years when you will be free to make really big changes in your life without screwing up hers.

Also I don't think the grass will be greener for you elsewhere, either. My single parent sibling had to move away and needs my parents to come stay for months at a time to deal with holidays and business trips, which is a big strain on them. Not sure how moving away from your friends and family will help you see them more.

I'm sorry you're feeling stuck, but I would Focus your energy on a better job/career instead.

[Anonymous]

Stay put in your city and look for a new job there. Move closer to your family. It will be easier for you and your child. It is definitely not worth starting from scratch somewhere else.
--Another single parent

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar boat - divorced and I have a HS and a MS at home. I feel stuck. I fantasize about moving to other parts of the country, where the COL is lower and the QOL is higher. BUT, but my kids are doing well in school, they are happy, and I have friends and a decent support system.

Before marriage and early in my marriage, before kids, I lived on the west coast. It was fun, but it took time and effort to establish a circle of friends and a community. Moving with kids would be starting over - hard on the kids and hard on me. I can see myself feeling pretty isolated. And once the kids are out of school, I wouldn't that community to draw from. So I'm staying put for now.

[Anonymous]

Where do you want your kid to go to college? In state tuition? I'd check that out before moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay put in your city and look for a new job there. Move closer to your family. It will be easier for you and your child. It is definitely not worth starting from scratch somewhere else.
--Another single parent

I agree. Moving is hard.
--married parent who recently moved

[Anonymous]

I think once a child is in middle school, it's important for them to have stability. Short of a mandatory move - like a job transfer - I wouldn't move a tween. Given that you would also be leaving your family and support system as a single mom, I definitely think you should stay put.

You may not see your family and friends all that often due to traffic, but they ARE available if something were to happen, like say you ended up in the hospital for a week or fell ill and couldn't drive for a short period of time. Don't throw that kind of a support system away for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem with desirable locations is folks like you flock there and ruin it for everybody else. Stay put. Any place that's worth it will be overrun with transplants in no time. I moved for career advancement and was pretty happy for a while. Then the influx of idiots started getting to me. Maybe you can hold off until your child is out of the house. Unless he or she wants to move. (I was dying to move when I was a kid, but my parents were not having any of it.)

The self-awareness, it is strong in this one.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I moved to this area and became a single parent so it's not the same because I had an infant. It was very difficult without a support system but I cobbled something together. Moving to a new place is easier nowadays. You can seek out other local single parents and transplants via the internet. There's uber when you don't have a friend to drive you somewhere. You can order practically anything online and look up any resource you need.

One thing I would do is to definitely discuss the idea with your child. In general I agree with the posters about consistency, but it really depends on her personality and temperament as to whether it will cause instability. Personally, I think it gets harder at high school age. That's when there's more of a culture shock. Even just an hour or so from this area, where it's more rural, the kids are different when it comes to how they socialize: where they hang out, what they do.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a large city, been here my whole life. I have a tween, a house, and a decent job.

But I'm stressed. My job pays decent but is dead end at this company. I hate the traffic where I live. I love my family and friends, but barely see them due to traffic and how spread out everything is.

I've thought about moving somewhere else. Not sure where, and I'm open to ideas. I want a better quality of life, and a mid sized city that is a pleasure to live in and has plenty of good jobs and an educated population. Any suggestions?

Have any single parents moved on their own, away from their support system and everything they know? How was it? Was it a good experience for you? Any advice?

The other parent is barely in the picture, and we were never married so no custody issues.

I did it but my kid was a little younger and he adjusted pretty quickly at school. The first few years were rough but 4 years later we have made friends, I just got a house and life is good. Do it if you can.