Need Advice: Just found out 15yo nephew is having a baby

[Anonymous]

My DH just found out from his sister that his 15yo nephew is going to be a father (they live in a different state). DH's nephew and the mother (also 15) kept it from everyone until she was about 4months along - she's about 6m now. The mother's homelife is not supportive - her mother and grandmother were both 15 when they had their children and her mother is addicted to alcohol and drugs.

We are still trying to find out all of the details but from what we understand the girl's mother found a woman out of state that would like to adopt the baby. This prospective adoptive woman is now paying the drug/alcohol addicted mother for the care of the pregnant daughter but she has been using the money for herself. We've heard that she's contacted the state where our family lives and asked them to intervene with the use of the money.

In the meantime, my DH's sister has been taking the girl to her dr's appt's and letting her stay when the mother's on a drinking/drug binge. His family is heartbroken to have this baby be adopted out of the family but his sister just lost her job and she and her DH have 2 other 3 kids to take care of.

My DH and I have a 3.5yo DD and a 6mo DS. We had already been talking about a 3rd but I was hesitant because my pregnancies were difficult and I had some complications following my last delivery including surgery when my DS was only 6wks old. We hadn't talked about adoption yet since DS is only 6m old but we probably would have looked at this option at some point.

Even though this is sooner than we expected to considering growing our family we really feel strongly about having this child stay within our family. We have much research to do since we just found out yesterday, but I was wondering if anyone had any insight into the rights of the biological father and the situation where a prospective adoptive parent has already paid for the care of the pregnant mother.

Once we talk with Dh's family some more and with each other we will consult a family lawyer but does anyone have any experience with this type of situation. They live in FL and we live in VA if that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

I would tread very carefully
Adoption can be a very complicated thing
The girl has to find a family she is happy with or forget the whole idea. Just because you are related to the guy that got her preggies and wants to forget it does not mean you are in her mind ideal.
What men say about girs that they get pregnant, and what actually is true, are 2 different things.

By the sounds of it you have not even started the paperwork, homestudies etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tread very carefully
Adoption can be a very complicated thing
The girl has to find a family she is happy with or forget the whole idea. Just because you are related to the guy that got her preggies and wants to forget it does not mean you are in her mind ideal.
What men say about girs that they get pregnant, and what actually is true, are 2 different things.

By the sounds of it you have not even started the paperwork, homestudies etc

Thank you for your thoughts. One of our first concerns was about how the birthmother feels about having us as the baby parents where she would have access to information about the baby and potential visits.

We have not started paperwork or the homestudies because we literally just found out about this less than a week ago. As the father's aunt and uncle it doesn't appear that we are close enough relatives to qualify as a relative adoption which sounds less complicated.

[Anonymous]

Don't know much about this sort of thing but just wanted to say that you and your husband must be very good people to care enough to adopt this or any child. If there were more people like you there would be no need for abortions. Good luck! I hope it all works out! Sounds like the baby wil be loved and cared for whether you keep him or her or the other prospective family does.

I had a friend who was trying to adopt and the after paying for all the medical care during pregnancy the mother backed out and my friend lost the money and moved on to the next prospective birth mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who was trying to adopt and the after paying for all the medical care during pregnancy the mother backed out and my friend lost the money and moved on to the next prospective birth mother.

Women do not give out babies in exchange for doctors visits. There are options available to uninsured pregnant women.
If you do pay, know that this is a generous gift.

[Anonymous]

If there were more people like you there would be no need for abortions.

Do you think women have abortions just because they can't find nice enough couples to adopt their babies? Don't you think it is far more complicated than that?