How can I wean my special needs child?

[Anonymous]

I have 5 year old twins, one of which is autistic. She has quite severe anxiety which can be triggered by just about anything. The fastest way to ease these anxiety attacks is to nurse her. Before I had kids I never thought for a second I’d be nursing as long as I am, but I feel like I don’t have much of a choice. I’d really like to wean, but I haven’t found anything else that works so far. Also, telling her she can’t nurse just triggers more anxiety. She’s very attached, and being autistic cannot deal with change or even understand it. She currently nurses when she wakes up in the morning and always before bed. She will nurse a 3rd time if something triggers an anxiety attack.

I am working with her therapist and medical team, but wanted to see if anyone here had some outside opinions or advice on how I can go about weaning, or other methods of comfort (anxiety easing) I can try with her. She will be 6 in February and I’d really like to have her weaned before then ? Thank you!

[Anonymous]

How about a social story? Here are some suggestions.

http://www.candokiddo.com/news/socialstories

[Anonymous]

I am not understanding how the nursing is correlated to the anxiety attacks if you are nursing her when she wakes up and goes to sleep. That sounds like habit. Tell her no, give a cup of milk, and let it be. She will meltdown but that is ok.

[Anonymous]

I think you have 2 issues - (1) bad habit of nursing upon waking and going to sleep and (2) nursing when anxious

For (1), give her a cup of milk and deal with the fall out

For (2), try to replace it with something else. Have you tried chewy sticks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have 2 issues - (1) bad habit of nursing upon waking and going to sleep and (2) nursing when anxious

For (1), give her a cup of milk and deal with the fall out

For (2), try to replace it with something else. Have you tried chewy sticks?

I wouldn try to replace with a cup of milk. She's not nursing for nutrition, she's nursing to soothe herself.

Op, you probably need to slowly wean and replacing with an object that helps her soothe. Maybe a pacifier?

Another route to explore is maybe medication for the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're in quite a pickle here. I think you're going to have to steel yourself for some anxiety attacks. I totally get that nursing is the best way to soothe her. I nursed my DD until over age two for the same reason. But it has to stop. You've really allowed it to go on until a point where it's detrimental to her and to you.

Can you leave for a few days and have your husband/partner wake her up and put her to bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're in quite a pickle here. I think you're going to have to steel yourself for some anxiety attacks. I totally get that nursing is the best way to soothe her. I nursed my DD until over age two for the same reason. But it has to stop. You've really allowed it to go on until a point where it's detrimental to her and to you.

Can you leave for a few days and have your husband/partner wake her up and put her to bed?

Having someone else put her to bed/wake her is an idea. Op actually leaving for a few days sounds terrible b/c the kid will probably demand to be nursed upon her return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're in quite a pickle here. I think you're going to have to steel yourself for some anxiety attacks. I totally get that nursing is the best way to soothe her. I nursed my DD until over age two for the same reason. But it has to stop. You've really allowed it to go on until a point where it's detrimental to her and to you.

Can you leave for a few days and have your husband/partner wake her up and put her to bed?

Having someone else put her to bed/wake her is an idea. Op actually leaving for a few days sounds terrible b/c the kid will probably demand to be nursed upon her return.

But she's not producing much now, which means a few days without nursing and the child m I got not draw anything down. Perhaps she would respond better to weaning like that?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to dry up your milk supply first while continuing the morning and nighttime cuddling. Then try to work in a pacifier or warm sweet drink in a sippy bottle. Either of those can be provided with or without you in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're in quite a pickle here. I think you're going to have to steel yourself for some anxiety attacks. I totally get that nursing is the best way to soothe her. I nursed my DD until over age two for the same reason. But it has to stop. You've really allowed it to go on until a point where it's detrimental to her and to you.

Can you leave for a few days and have your husband/partner wake her up and put her to bed?

Having someone else put her to bed/wake her is an idea. Op actually leaving for a few days sounds terrible b/c the kid will probably demand to be nursed upon her return.

But she's not producing much now, which means a few days without nursing and the child m I got not draw anything down. Perhaps she would respond better to weaning like that?

I don't think it's about being fed; it's about soothing.

If the op suddenly went away for a few days and then came back her kid would probably just want to nurse regardless of the supply. Replacing the behavior with a different behavior is key, but I don't think the op leaving for a few days will accomplish anything.

[Anonymous]

The human contact, especially skin to skin, makes the body release oxytocin, which is very soothing. You can accomplish the same thing w/o nursing - hugs, kisses on the forehead, holding hands, snuggling. Teach DC to breathe with you - deep slow full breaths in and releases out. Make it a game - can you match Mommy's breathing? It is both a distraction and the deep breathing has a relaxing effect. You can also substitute thumb or pacifier and then break that habit later. Or substitute a small fidget toy that is very soft feeling to rub.

[Anonymous]

We weaned a little before 3 because she was actually starving herself just so she could nurse all the time. Dad had to sleep next to her and I had to sleep in the other room. Two weeks of pure hell. Then I went back to sleeping next to her. She is now 3.5 and rubs my belly to fall asleep and if she is anxious.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a behavior therapist or developmental Peditrician you can talk to for strategies to deal with the anxiety? I have an asd kid who also has anxiety and change is a bear.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps check the extended breastfeeding forum on Babycenter.com . I developed a nursing aversion when I was pregnant with #2 and had to wean 2yo ds rapidly and I found some strategies there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps check the extended breastfeeding forum on Babycenter.com . I developed a nursing aversion when I was pregnant with #2 and had to wean 2yo ds rapidly and I found some strategies there.

It's not about the mother; it's about the kid. If the kid doesn't have the aversion, simply weaning won't be sufficient.