My husband doesn’t seem to respect my time

[Anonymous]

Summary of issue— he retired a couple of years ago and appears to have forgotten what it’s like to work full time. He insists that I accompany him to events and social things he wants to do (ie sports, going out to dinner with his friends). If I tell him I don’t want to go because I have a lot I need to get done in my free time on evenings and weekends, or simply because I want to relax, he gets mad. For example, we spent most of last weekend (Friday night and all day Saturday) doing activities that he wanted to do.

I told him the other day that it feels like his needs are the priority and if I need time to do something or relax, I need to find a way to squeeze it in somehow. He didn’t really have an answer to this, which means he probably agrees on some level.

My breaking point occurred about 30 minutes ago when he told me he wants us to go to a Christmas party tonight, an hour away, with some of his former work associates _who he doesn’t even like_. I said I’m not going and now he’s not talking to me.

I feel like I am turning into an enormous bitch. I commute two hours each day and I feel like I have no free time. He has endless free time. I am so miserable right now. Help.

[Anonymous]

I can sympathize, OP.

I went through a period where I was trying to finish a degree, while working full time. Someone bought me a ticket to an event that was an hour away, that fell right in the middle of a bunch of projects. They were offended that I couldn't go and seemed skeptical of my claims that I was seriously busy.

Some people just do not understand or respect "busy."

The only suggestion I have is maybe you can set up some kind of online calendar and post what you are doing. Include blocks of time for time to decompress and do things that he may not think about.

[Anonymous]

Make him a list of all the things you need to get done. Tell him since he's retired he can do them all. THEN you will have the time to go to his parties.

[Anonymous]

He's probably lonely during the week and trying to overcompensate during the weekend. Tell him to take up a really comprehensive hobby or adopt a child, whichever works.

[Anonymous]

How's the sex?

[Anonymous]

Him springing a party on you last minute is annoying. He should have told you days ago.

My XH did not respect my time. He would constantly come home late and I miss yoga class. He would tell me he was leaving at 430p or 5p and not get home until 7p with a 30 min commute. I kept telling him not to tell me when he was "leaving." He couldn't understand why it was a problem.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and I was home with DD for 12 hrs a day and I freelanced from home many days. He was always pissed I didn't want to come to the park with him and DD, so I could spend an hour working. He would refuse to take her if I didn't come. Or wait until naptime, and then not be able to go.

He was emotionally abusive. As soon as I left him, he was out of the house at 9am with her...and his girlfriend.