Women who pick on other women

[Anonymous]

I keep having a problem at jobs where, after I've been there a couple of years, inevitably some older, less competent woman gets threatened by me and starts trying to tear me down or tear my work apart with backstabbing and abusive feedback. I have really tried to ask myself if I am doing something wrong, but I don't think so, because all the men (and most of the other women) love me and the feedback I get from her is always very non-specific, like "you're too far in front" instead of "you did X when you should have done Y." I am young, very competent, no kids (so I have lots of time and energy to devote to work).

Any tips for dealing with it? At my last job, I left, so that fixed the problem. I don't want to leave this job, because I love everything else about it. But this woman is higher up than me and isn't going anywhere.

[Anonymous]

So it’s a thing with some women. I call it the Highlander principle(as in the movie the highlander). There can only be one. This is why many women do not buy into the feminists. Their experience differ from the brochure.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, worked with a woman like this. No advice. Sucks.

[Anonymous]

If you are as good as you say you don't need to worry about her comment.

The only problem is your insecurity.

If she was giving you bad reviews that is s different story but that is not the situation. Men can also be like this if you threaten their value.

Do you threaten her value?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it’s a thing with some women. I call it the Highlander principle(as in the movie the highlander). There can only be one. This is why many women do not buy into the feminists. Their experience differ from the brochure.

[Anonymous]

There are always going to be annoying coworkers and those who want to knock you down so you have to just learn to cope with it. I dealt with this at my job by hanging in there until I outranked her. It was frustrating but it helped to step back and look for what she did well - and there were things she did well, which is why she'd gotten to her position in the first place.

And then eventually she crossed one line too many and I realized that I was at a stage in my own career and had earned credibility within the company such that I could do something about it. I pointed out to our mutual higher-ups how her behavior was detrimental to the organization (frankly but unemotionally, sticking to facts) and she was let go.

However as I had gotten more experienced in the workforce I realized that she was competent in some ways I had been too immature to realize when I was younger, and I wasn't gleeful when she was terminated. When you mention that you're "young, very competent" and that you have no kids so devote lots of time to work, I'd just suggest that you also keep in mind you're part of a team and that others, including this woman, may have skills you're overlooking in your zeal. Enthusiasm and youthful energy are great - just be conscious that others have lots to contribute as well as you, perhaps in different ways, and that an attitude that someone else is an idiot is usually way less helpful to everyone than trying to find and work with that colleague's strengths. Also...try not to become that person yourself. When you say "I keep having a problem" then yeah, you probably are part of it in one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Bullies don't respond to "nice." You have to push back. Let them know you're building a "paper trail."

[Anonymous]

I've been there and I left. Unfortunately it's rarely as easy as standing up to these types of women or waiting them out. It depends more on how much power they wield and why. If the why is intractable, you don't have much choice but to leave.