Men who have lost a baby - what did you do to cope?

[Anonymous]

Someone close to me lost their baby son this year from a CHD. He is obviously devastated, and has turned to some not healthy behaviors to cope. I would like to offer him some suggestions that help him get out his anger in a productive way, being active I think would help him out. He is in therapy, but not seeing much help from that yet.

[Anonymous]

There is a section on a father’s grief at Still Standing Magazine. Also fathers come to the MISS foundation support group on Capitol Hill that meets monthly at the NE library.

[Anonymous]

Oh and DH and I saw Kate Marosek on Connecticut Ave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a section on a father’s grief at Still Standing Magazine. Also fathers come to the MISS foundation support group on Capitol Hill that meets monthly at the NE library.

Hi - thanks, they are going the MISS foundation group in VA.

[Anonymous]

One more thing OP: has your friend asked for your help? If not, I would say be the friend who listens, takes him out to do something you did before the baby died etc, but don’t offer suggestions or advice unless asked. When people did that to us after our baby died, it might have been well meaning but it came off as “you’re grieving wrong, cut it out, it’s making me uncomfortable.” And honestly, we’re not friends with those people anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thing OP: has your friend asked for your help? If not, I would say be the friend who listens, takes him out to do something you did before the baby died etc, but don’t offer suggestions or advice unless asked. When people did that to us after our baby died, it might have been well meaning but it came off as “you’re grieving wrong, cut it out, it’s making me uncomfortable.” And honestly, we’re not friends with those people anymore.

Thanks for this ... his wife has reached out for help because of his behavior. Unfortunately, a lot of pre-baby activities involved drinking a lot and that is not good for him right now. I definitely do not want to offer advice, more trying to find things we can do together that are healthy and that will get him out of the house. The four of us are probably going to go hiking this weekend, so would love ideas for other things that people tried that helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One more thing OP: has your friend asked for your help? If not, I would say be the friend who listens, takes him out to do something you did before the baby died etc, but don’t offer suggestions or advice unless asked. When people did that to us after our baby died, it might have been well meaning but it came off as “you’re grieving wrong, cut it out, it’s making me uncomfortable.” And honestly, we’re not friends with those people anymore.

Thanks for this ... his wife has reached out for help because of his behavior. Unfortunately, a lot of pre-baby activities involved drinking a lot and that is not good for him right now. I definitely do not want to offer advice, more trying to find things we can do together that are healthy and that will get him out of the house. The four of us are probably going to go hiking this weekend, so would love ideas for other things that people tried that helped.

You sound like a good friend. I’m the PP you’re responding to. A hike sounds lovely. A nice dinner somewhere, do you like music? theater? Concerts? Movies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One more thing OP: has your friend asked for your help? If not, I would say be the friend who listens, takes him out to do something you did before the baby died etc, but don’t offer suggestions or advice unless asked. When people did that to us after our baby died, it might have been well meaning but it came off as “you’re grieving wrong, cut it out, it’s making me uncomfortable.” And honestly, we’re not friends with those people anymore.

Thanks for this ... his wife has reached out for help because of his behavior. Unfortunately, a lot of pre-baby activities involved drinking a lot and that is not good for him right now. I definitely do not want to offer advice, more trying to find things we can do together that are healthy and that will get him out of the house. The four of us are probably going to go hiking this weekend, so would love ideas for other things that people tried that helped.

You sound like a good friend. I’m the PP you’re responding to. A hike sounds lovely. A nice dinner somewhere, do you like music? theater? Concerts? Movies?

Thanks, I will look into these, I appreciate the suggestions.

[Anonymous]

If they don't have it yet - "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" is a good book and has a section on fathers. I am the DW but DH coped very differently then I did. We went to a support group and all the men coped very differently then the women.