Tips for managing mean girl behavior

[Anonymous]

My DD is dealing with some seemingly unending mean girl behavior. The Aggressor accomplishes most of this over text/social media, but there has been one in person occasion where she cussed out DD (thankfully witnessed) at school.

I mistakenly contacted the mom with screenshots of the behavior, and was told that "my daughter is such a nice kid and would never behave that way" (cussing my daughter out, telling her no one likes her, that her feelings don't matter, etc.) Despite the fact that I sent her said screenshots, she would not acknowledge them, and said my daughter was pulling the wool over my eyes and she was really the problem.

I have not contacted the school because most of this behavior takes place out of school, and I don't want to set the mother off again. I did contact the sports team that both girls are on, and they have witnessed the behavior of The Aggressor there, and are keeping an eye on things from here on out. Luckily, The Aggressor has no other friends on this sports team, so I doubt she will be nasty to DD at practice.

I have spoken with my daughter about completely ending contact with The Aggressor. She is in 100% agreement. Unfortunately, the nastiness continues. I have told my daughter to walk away if she is approached, and if any of The Aggressors friends talk to my daughter about her, she is to change the subject. I have also cut contact with The Aggressors mother.

Is there anything I'm missing? I encouraged my daughter to also speak to her schools guidance counselor, but she seems reluctant to do that. I think she thinks if The Aggressor finds out it will mean even more trouble.

For those who have BTDT, am I missing anything? Should I be giving my daughter some different advice?

[Anonymous]

The coaches should be doing more than "keeping an eye on it".

They have an opportunity to work on improving the bully's behavior that no other adult does, if they so choose.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you the OP that keeps posting about bullying (a student being beat up in reaction to bullying, etc.)?

How old are the girls? If this is high school, you can really only control your child, and her staying away from the bully. You can't tell another parent how to parent, because their reaction will be be just like you described Your daughter needs to handle this - stay away from the bully, and find her own friends. It might not be what you want to hear, but please do not make this worse for your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the OP that keeps posting about bullying (a student being beat up in reaction to bullying, etc.)?

How old are the girls? If this is high school, you can really only control your child, and her staying away from the bully. You can't tell another parent how to parent, because their reaction will be be just like you described Your daughter needs to handle this - stay away from the bully, and find her own friends. It might not be what you want to hear, but please do not make this worse for your daughter!

No, this is my first time posting. Girls are in middle school.

[Anonymous]

MY DD is also in MS, 8th grade and the behavior of some of the mean girls is appalling, My dd is an Indian and has to constantly hear from some of the mean girls about the color of her skin and has been bullied constantly. Its so hard and I just hope that this phase passes thru fast and HS is better.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to go to your daughter's guidance counselor at school and clue them in. Your daughter will not be able to handle the bully alone and the schools are used to dealing with the behavior.

You should purchase 2 books to help with the bullying: Queen Bees Wannabes and Odd Girl Out. There also are 2 other books that are good for you to help your daughter through the many stages of her tween and teen life: Reviving Ophelia and Untangled.

There have been a lot of threads on multiple forums for this topic. I don't think there is any one answer except that it involves the help of adults. Relational aggression is a behavior that is learned at home. Your daughter will not be able to change this other girl because she learned the behavior at home. Your daughter needs the help of caring and competent adults in the places where this is occurring (school, sports) to help her. Even though this bullying is occurring on social media, so technically not at school, the school will want to be involved.

Good luck and best wishes. You're doing the right thing by being proactive and trying to nip this thing in the bud so that it doesn't spread. In fact, that's why the school will want to get involved. Because is like poisen ivy and once it starts it can be pretty difficult to eradicate so they want to stop it in its tracks now.

[Anonymous]

A good swift kick to the Agressor’s knee, sideways, will put her down and keep her down. Highly recommend this course of action to put an end to things.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need to clue in your DD's guidance counselor. As PPs noted, they are experienced with this sort of behavior. They can get info from other kids and intervene in such a way that it's not apparent to the Agressor or others. My DS went through something a little more aggressive than your DD's and he was adamantly opposed to me contacting anyone. When it begain to escalate and interfering with his choices, I told him I didn't want to violate his trust but that the situation had gone too far and he needed help from someone at school.

I ended up emailing his school counselor who then called me. She had me bring him in to see her at a time there were no other kids at school. She was amazing. Prior to this incident, I'd never talked to her and my DS had only had a couple of interactions. I don't know what she did but it worked. DS's life got a whole lot better and he agreed that he should have let me do something sooner.

Hugs to you and your DD. I know how hard this is.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the school.