Remind me that adversity helps build coping skills

[Anonymous]

And that a teenager being hurt and excluded will pass, and that popularity (or lack thereof) isn't as much of an issue after high school. I really need support right now. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I'm sorry this is happening OP. Is it towards your daughter? Girls can be really bad with relational aggression (aka "mean girl" behaviors). It spreads fast and it can be very hurtful. Yes, it will pass but it will feel like forever for your daughter. The best thing that I can say is to be helpful and supportive but not enabling. Help her seek out options that will reinforce her sense of value for herself. Help her find some activities that will keep her out of the circles of the mean girls while also keeping her busy and engaged. Be a shoulder to cry on but also be a kick in the seat of the pants. There are some good books (Queen Bees and Wannabes, Odd Girl Out, Reviving Ophelia, etc) that can help her build a repertoire of coping skills. She also should talk with her school counselor. Hugs and best wishes!

[Anonymous]

It depends on the exclusion OP, can you provide more details? Is is a previous group or the entire class for example doing the excluding? Was it from one event or in general? Is this the first time it has happened in your child's school career? Are there other classmates your child can befriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the exclusion OP, can you provide more details? Is is a previous group or the entire class for example doing the excluding? Was it from one event or in general? Is this the first time it has happened in your child's school career? Are there other classmates your child can befriend?

These are good questions.

[Anonymous]

It's a combination of things. She has many "friends" and is part of a large group -- too large, in fact, without a few she can always count on to go out with. Introverted and liked by many but deemed unpopular and left out of some group things, especially as some of the girls become faster. Those who are striving to become more popular have no interest in including her. Which is fine in some ways because there are things she doesn't want to do. But her watching it all on social media and seeing your friends together when you're not there is really a punch in the gut. Not matter how much support we've given her and she has a good therapist, she won't make an effort to make plans with others who would be happy to spend time with her. I'm just sad and worried. Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

This is a sad and common story for both teen boys and girls. We have the same thing and encourage DS to focus on kids who are nice to him and kind, yet he seems to yearn to be with the “cool” boys who are likely to tease him. It’s very hard to watch.

[Anonymous]

Can you work to build an alternate community? For example, a church or synagogue youth group? Or Scouts or a service organization... something. The whole family will have to participate but those ties will give your DC another group to turn to.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a combination of things. She has many "friends" and is part of a large group -- too large, in fact, without a few she can always count on to go out with. Introverted and liked by many but deemed unpopular and left out of some group things, especially as some of the girls become faster. Those who are striving to become more popular have no interest in including her. Which is fine in some ways because there are things she doesn't want to do. But her watching it all on social media and seeing your friends together when you're not there is really a punch in the gut. Not matter how much support we've given her and she has a good therapist, she won't make an effort to make plans with others who would be happy to spend time with her. I'm just sad and worried. Thanks for listening.

Sounds like my DD. Thankfully, she doesn't care at all about social media.