How do I ask my sister how TTC is going?

[Anonymous]

I know my sister is struggling to concieve. I don't pester her about it, but also want to be supportive if she's down. How do I ask her how it's going? And what do I say if she says 'fine'? Should I just send an outbound message and indicate that I don't need a response?

[Anonymous]

You really can't unless you've talked about it a lot before. Just say "how are things going?" in a general sense and if she wants to talk about it, she will. Or you could say "are you guys still thinking about kids" and see what she says. But if she isn't bringing up the details on her own, she probably doesn't want to talk about it.

My sister and I are pretty open about this stuff, and I take credit for helping her conceive her second by introducing her to OPKs -- worked for her on the first try. (I have, unfortunately, a ton of experience with OPKs over the course of 5 pregnancies and 2 kids.) But a lot of people aren't. I have friends who I know are struggling and I would love to share everything I've learned through my own struggle, but I don't think they'd be open to it, so I haven't.

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on your relationship, obviously, so it's hard to advise. I think the best thing you can do is bring it up casually/non-pushily, and ask how it's going and if she wants to talk about it. If so, let her lead the conversation - don't pop in with a million questions. If not, say you completely understand but you know how all-consuming TTC can be so you're there if she ever wants to vent.

[Anonymous]

Say it once: I’m here if you want to talk, I love you and want to be supportive without being invasive or annoying. So just know, I’m here. Then drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say it once: I’m here if you want to talk, I love you and want to be supportive without being invasive or annoying. So just know, I’m here. Then drop it.

This is nice. Also add "I'm really excited for you, you're going to be an awesome mom!" Otherwise it could come off as though you pity her. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to feel sorry for me. Hopeful, yes.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t say “I know you are going to be a wonderful mom.” As someone dealing with infertility for more than 2 years, I might not get to be a mom. I know. Your sentiment is to mean well and supportive but leave that part out. Just say I am here to talk or listen wheneverZ I love you.

[Anonymous]

Say: "How are you doing?"

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can ask. It would have hurt me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t say “I know you are going to be a wonderful mom.” As someone dealing with infertility for more than 2 years, I might not get to be a mom. I know. Your sentiment is to mean well and supportive but leave that part out. Just say I am here to talk or listen wheneverZ I love you.

I was there too. I only told one friend, but it made me feel good that she thought we'd be good parents.

[Anonymous]

Not my sister, but my best friend has been trying for nearly 2 years. I generally don't bring it up and wait for her to say something. Like if she expresses frustration, etc, then I tell her I'm here for her any time, etc. Everyone is different, but I know my friend would not appreciate me bringing it up at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say it once: I’m here if you want to talk, I love you and want to be supportive without being invasive or annoying. So just know, I’m here. Then drop it.

THIS x 1,000. And "say" it in an email or text, so no response is required. Then let her come to you.

[Anonymous]

My friend (who ended up not being able to get pregnant) told me she appreciated that I said “I’m here if you want to talk, and I don’t want to seem like I don’t care, but I won’t bring it up again.” After that she’d bring it up periodically.

[Anonymous]

Just what exactly can you two talk about? TTC is TMI for many people. I don't really want to know about any of my loved ones' sexual activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just what exactly can you two talk about? TTC is TMI for many people. I don't really want to know about any of my loved ones' sexual activities.

Are you really that ignorant? A couple that is struggling to conceive is likely considering it or actively involved in medical testing, monitoring and possible procedures. There is an entire board here devoted just to infertility. I can assure you it’s more than posts about when people are having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just what exactly can you two talk about? TTC is TMI for many people. I don't really want to know about any of my loved ones' sexual activities.

I am with you on this. And I would not really want people prying into it, from my own perspective.