Tween with ADHD refuses medication
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Anonymous
| Age 12. He hates the way the medicine subdues his personality. He likes being jovial funny one in the class. He is still managing B’s and some C’s in school but has no self-discipline. Just coasting through doing what he wants when he wants. Very poor self-control. Unfortunately we raised him with a laid-back unstructured and fairly permissive environment since he was generally a good kid. But now he seems more controlling and selfish and unwilling to work hard. Anyone have recommendations for convincing a 12-year-old to take medication or any other ideas for instilling discipline and self-control in a kid Who is defiant and uninterested in social activities like Boy Scouts and Sports? He is also one who doesn’t respond well to incentives or punishments. Says he just doesn’t care. He is highly intelligent, thus the decent grades with minimal effort. |
Anonymous
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Have you tried other medications that may help the ASHD but let him feel more like himself?
Is he in any kind of therapy? What motivates him at this point? What does he love to do? |
Anonymous
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He cares about something, OP, it's just a matter of figuring out what it is.
Also, if you haven't done so in the past couple of years, it might be time for a reevaluation. There may be more going on than just ADHD, including things that don't often come out until kids go into puberty. |
Anonymous
| Medication shouldn't subdue his personality. It should just calm him down and let him focus better. Medication needs can change up or down with time. See your psychiatrist. |
Anonymous
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ADHD meds will not make your child more 'disciplined' or motivated.
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Anonymous
| OP here. Yes he knows exactly what he likes. Video games. All day long. No other interests. I feel like we’ve tried all other options and nothing has peaked his interest. |
Anonymous
Agree with this. Maybe the med is the wrong type or the dose is too high. And therapy is helpful. Also, ADHD when a kid hits puberty is a whole new ballgame for many. Additude magazine online has great resources off puberty, discipline, and oppositional defiance disorder. He may not rise to the level of ODD but the parenting tips are helpful nonetheless. |
Anonymous
And what happens when you pull the plug on the internet? A tween, especially one with ADHD, shouldn't have unlimited access to screens. |
Anonymous
| My son said the same thing once to his camp counselor (he doesn't take meds at camp). He said the medication makes him kind of boring and not as fun. I say that the medication is what keeps him in school. I'm quite sure he would've been suspended by now w/o it. Also, the unmedicated boys didn't have any friends the last few yrs of ES. None of the other boys wanted to be around them since they got in trouble so much, |
Anonymous
Then that's his currency. You need to figure out a new system of rules and expectations, both for his school performance and his responsibilities around the house. He can choose whether or not to take his medication, but if he doesn't take it and he doesn't take care of his school and home responsibilities, he doesn't get video games. If he can do what he needs to do without medication, then it's his choice whether to take it. If he takes his medication and still can't do what he needs to do, that doesn't warrant punishment as long as he's open to trying new strategies (including perhaps a different medication). |
Anonymous
+1. It's common that kids are more interested in video games than anything else, so yes, he only gets the computer or pad when he meets all his goals for the day. He might be resistant at first to new restrictions, but you have to stay firm, it's for his own good. |
Anonymous
| I think that while he percieves himself as being fun, others view him as annoying and loud. Find the words to convey this message and make an appointment for meds management. |
Anonymous
Mom of aDHD kid here. Homework isn't about "piquing" his interest. Homework is boring. No one likes it, not even non-ADHD students. One of the major keys to a successful life is learning how to suck it up and do the boring stuff when necessary. Your kid needs your support to face tasks, find a way to get thru them and move on as quickly as possible. His main job is school, just like you have ajob that you have to go to whether you like it or not every day. Why does he have access to video games at all? Our ADHD kiddo is not permitted any screen time except for homework purposes (and that is monitored) until he shows me his daily planner, and shows me all necessary completed assignments. If assignments are not being written down in planner then you need a go for organization w/ an objective that quantifies planner use with daily sign off by teachers. You do have an IEP or 504 plan, right? Then and only then is he allowed 1/2 hr of screen time during a school weekday (timer set). When I have found out he has cheated on screen time, he has been suspended or blocked from it for days or weeks. I do it calmly. The possibility was known in advance, so the penalty is not a surprise. I am not angry. I just explain it is a privilege that is earned after obligations are completed. You need to have more student buy in to medication - the student has to be an equal partner in the choice. It is valid to say, I don't like the way this makes me feel. The response back mustn't be "you have to take it". you have a wide range of options and prescribing psychiatrist should be helping explain and educate about meds - sometimes side effects subside after a few weeks, sometimes it helps to fill out a form at the end of every day about the meds (mood, energy, tasks accomplished or not, eating, sleep, etc.). That way there is objective data to evaluate med trial. You are getting rx thru an experienced child paychiatrist w/ ADHD experience and not a pediatrician, yes? Once a med has been adequately tried, then if it's not working a patient can try another med under advice of psychiatrist. Or strategies can be put in place - habits, routines, etc., instead of meds where possible. Working with ADHD coach can be helpful. |
Anonymous
Sounds exactly like my son. Except since he was in magnet, he was always "forced" to work hard. So gaming is "reward" for good grades. Computer is locked all the time when not for productive use. All "work" is monitored. Gaming is short 15 minutes at a time for "relaxing." Your options are: 1. SN school (private) 2. Homeschool for HS. 3. Executive Skills coach. HS is going to be extremely hard. College may be impossible until child will mature. |
Anonymous
HS may be hard, or it may not be. I say this because I understand PP's statement, but think it's important for parents not to go down the rabbit hole and catastrophize the future. Figure out what you can do now to help your son and try to take action. Good luck. |