teenager dating and sex

[Anonymous]

I have a soon to be 16 years old son. He is very introvert and very shy for as long as I can remember. He does not talk to anyone unless they talk to him first.

He didn't have any issues from 1st to 8th grade. He is an average B student, hard worker.

He excels in both guitar and piano. He practices the guitar everyday for at least an hour and he tries to emulate both Eddie Van Halen and Don Felder of the Eagles.

On top of that, he is also an excellent tennis player. He has been playing tennis since he was 5 years old. He played the #1 position on the HS tennis team as a freshman and the school did really well this past year.
He suddenly becomes a "jock" in school

Here is the problem.

By now, everyone in school knows not only he is such a good athelete but he is also a musican. On top of that, he just starts his growth spurt over the summer.
He worked out 5 hours everyday this past summer, he is now 5'10" and 145lbs with 14% body fat and much better looking than he was just two years ago. Ever
since 10th grade starts 2 1/2 months ago, I notice that a lot of girls at school have been texting him and want to go out with him. Some of the texts mentioned about
kissing and touching (yes, I spied on him). I am not very good at talking to him about this, single father, and I don't think he knows how to handle this either. He
mentioned in one of the texts to his best friends that he has had a crush on this girl since 7th grade but she has been ignoring him until this year. She wants to hang
out with him and he does not know what to do. I can't give him advice because he would know that I have been reading his text, and I don't want to talk to him about
sex either because I really don't know what to say to him. My thinking is that I should have him go see a shrink so that he can talk to a shrink freely instead of me
about girls and sex.

thoughts?

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your son about sex and dating even if it makes you uncomfortable. You're his dad. That's your job.
Start with defining what your values are about sex and relationships when it comes to teens. You will be better able to communicate that to your son.

Safety and prevention

Consent.

.

[Anonymous]

If he is 16 and you haven't talked about sex yet, you are a few years behind. Start talking now. This kind of avoidance is what gets kids into situations they can't handle.

[Anonymous]

This is such a weird post. We don't need the bragging about his musical stylings or body fat%, wtf?

Just have the sex talk with him and see if he has any questions. If he's getting the "jock" reputation, make sure it doesn't go to his head and turn him into an a**hole. My introverted, awkward, quiet kid suddenly had girls interested in him at the end of 9th grade. He figured it out. It sounds like he has close male friends and he can talk through stuff with them.

[Anonymous]

You are either a troll or a psychotic parent with bad grammar. Who talks about their son in terms of how much he works out or his body fat percentage and the girls are hitting on him because he is a jock and musician. Surprised you didn’t mention his penis size- sick.

[Anonymous]

I’d talk to him about working out five hours a day. Unless you’re an Olympic athlete that’s too much.

You need to go to the shrink, not your son, to learn how to talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are either a troll or a psychotic parent with bad grammar. Who talks about their son in terms of how much he works out or his body fat percentage and the girls are hitting on him because he is a jock and musician. Surprised you didn’t mention his penis size- sick.

OP here. I was not born in this country, came here when I was 18 years old so English is not my first language. Where I came from, my parents never said anything to me about girls, let alone sex. I learned that myself and it is not an easy thing for me to talk about it to my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d talk to him about working out five hours a day. Unless you’re an Olympic athlete that’s too much.

Only in the summer where he had nothing to do, not during regular school year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my parents never said anything to me about girls, let alone sex. I learned that myself and it is not an easy thing for me to talk about it to my kid

It's not easy for almost any parent to talk about sex with their kids! But it has to be done.

Get somewhere where you can talk side by side--driving in the car, shooting hoops, going for a hike--and share your values with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a soon to be 16 years old son. He is very introvert and very shy for as long as I can remember. He does not talk to anyone unless they talk to him first.

He didn't have any issues from 1st to 8th grade. He is an average B student, hard worker.

He excels in both guitar and piano. He practices the guitar everyday for at least an hour and he tries to emulate both Eddie Van Halen and Don Felder of the Eagles.

On top of that, he is also an excellent tennis player. He has been playing tennis since he was 5 years old. He played the #1 position on the HS tennis team as a freshman and the school did really well this past year.
He suddenly becomes a "jock" in school

Here is the problem.

By now, everyone in school knows not only he is such a good athelete but he is also a musican. On top of that, he just starts his growth spurt over the summer.
He worked out 5 hours everyday this past summer, he is now 5'10" and 145lbs with 14% body fat and much better looking than he was just two years ago. Ever
since 10th grade starts 2 1/2 months ago, I notice that a lot of girls at school have been texting him and want to go out with him. Some of the texts mentioned about
kissing and touching (yes, I spied on him). I am not very good at talking to him about this, single father, and I don't think he knows how to handle this either. He
mentioned in one of the texts to his best friends that he has had a crush on this girl since 7th grade but she has been ignoring him until this year. She wants to hang
out with him and he does not know what to do. I can't give him advice because he would know that I have been reading his text, and I don't want to talk to him about
sex either because I really don't know what to say to him. My thinking is that I should have him go see a shrink so that he can talk to a shrink freely instead of me
about girls and sex.

thoughts?

OP, frankly, I can't believe I'm reading this. Are you seriously trying to tell us that you being a single father makes you "not very good at talking to him" about this?

Please stop being so pathetic, man up, and be a FATHER to this boy. It's hard for all of us to have these talks with our kids, but that is no excuse. You are the adult, he is your son and he needs your help and guidance.

You don't have to give away that you've been reading his texts to be helpful here. Just start talking to him about girls, dating, etc. and see where he leads you. This should be an ongoing conversation, "you can always come to me with questions or just to talk" type of thing. Do not send him to a shrink; that is nothing but shirking your own responsibility. Do you really want some health professional that you don't know having that kind of influence over him?

[Anonymous]

Everything about this op reeks BS.

[Anonymous]

Get a shrink to deal with this basic parenting issue, as if your ds has a psychological issue. What??

[Anonymous]

Since when do girls think guys that play tennis are jocks? Are you kidding? It's right up there with volleyball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my parents never said anything to me about girls, let alone sex. I learned that myself and it is not an easy thing for me to talk about it to my kid

It's not easy for almost any parent to talk about sex with their kids! But it has to be done.

Get somewhere where you can talk side by side--driving in the car, shooting hoops, going for a hike--and share your values with him.

Please do not perpetuate a myth. My dad talked to me about sex and puberty when I was a tween and teenage girl. I have had many conversations with my teenager about it. It's never been awkward because I have never made it a Big Talk. It's always been casual conversations.

OP, a great thing you could do is to tell your son "My dad never talked to me about girls; I had to learn it myself. It would have been really helpful if he had told me a couple of things, like A and B." Then keep going. An easy way to open conversations right now is to talk about what's going on in the news - all these women naming abusers in Hollywood and womens gymnastics. Easy way for you to talk about how to BE a good boyfriend, how to be respectful to women, how to be an ally for them when you're around and a man is treating them poorly, etc.

Pro tip: talk to your son about this stuff when you two are side by side, rather than face to face. Playing basketball, driving in the car, washing/drying dishes, etc.

[Anonymous]

As a fellow dad, I feel the most important thing you can teach him is to respect woman. Teach him about mutual consent, no means no, stop means stop, slow down means slow down. My son is as old as your son but I plan to teach him that sex isn't all about his pleasure either. His partners wish and desires should be respected.