How to Hunt for Family-Friendly Job?

[Anonymous]

I am a 7th year associate at a big law firm. Until now, I have done everything "right" as far as being a go-getter in my career goes. Life circumstances have made continuing to work these hours and maintain this schedule impossible, however. In a nutshell, both of my children (under age 4) have been diagnosed with separate, but debilitating, chronic conditions. Both conditions require a lot of visits to doctors and specialists, and as they become of school age, they would might need homeschooling or aides or special schools.

Sometimes life just happens and, after months of grieving the high flying career I thought I would have, I realize that I need to scale back. I don't even need part time. I just need a job with defined hours. A job where I am guaranteed something like 9 to 6 will go very long way. Right now, I am constantly dashing out of my kids' appointments to go back to work. When I can't do that, the partners I work for are resentful. My son had a procedure under general anesthesia over the weekend a couple of weeks ago and, instead of being able to discuss with the specialists as they were seeking information to make a diagnosis, I spent much of my time fielding aggressive work emails.

I don't know how to go about this search because my understanding is that employers flee when they hear people saying right off the bat that they want flexibility and defined hours. My norm has always been to work days and nights and weekends, even before I went to law school. I cannot take the risk of leaving my current position to end up in a position where I am still going to be dealing with work encroaching on my free time. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

OP here - To clarify my post, my fear is of ending up in a job that appears to have pretty set hours only to realize that there are all kinds of extras that take longer. I know people who left my firm for what they thought were 9 to 6 in-house positions only to find that they are actually still working a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have advice, but want to concur that your fears of working the same hours aren't unwarranted. My sister left her Big Law job, took a 60% cut in pay for what were supposed to be better hours with less travel, but now she finds she is expected to work the same grueling schedule and they've basically told her she's on an out of town assignment for the foreseeable future.

Definitely be careful.

[Anonymous]

Th best advice I? ever got was to talk about your family a lot. Mention great moments with your kids. Be honest about appointments. Up sell all your great qualities but don’t shy away from the honest truth about your family. Three different friends have done this (albeit not in law) and it helped them find employers who were very accommodating and family supportive. If they don’t hire you because of your family need, it was clear that company environment is not for you. Rather than talking about flexibility in schedule and set hours, judge the family friendly aspect of the place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't have advice, but want to concur that your fears of working the same hours aren't unwarranted. My sister left her Big Law job, took a 60% cut in pay for what were supposed to be better hours with less travel, but now she finds she is expected to work the same grueling schedule and they've basically told her she's on an out of town assignment for the foreseeable future.

Definitely be careful.

OP here, this is the exact kind of situation I fear. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Th best advice I? ever got was to talk about your family a lot. Mention great moments with your kids. Be honest about appointments. Up sell all your great qualities but don’t shy away from the honest truth about your family. Three different friends have done this (albeit not in law) and it helped them find employers who were very accommodating and family supportive. If they don’t hire you because of your family need, it was clear that company environment is not for you. Rather than talking about flexibility in schedule and set hours, judge the family friendly aspect of the place

OP here, thank you for this advice. It makes perfect sense. I am desperate to get out of my current position that I am afraid that mentioning my family will alienate employers who might otherwise find me attractive. At the same time, employers who don't want to hear about families are the exact kind I need to avoid going forward. I fear this will make for a much longer job search and this current position is killing me.

[Anonymous]

OP here, related to my first post, does anyone have advice on how to make part time schedules at firms work? It seems that a lot of people who are part time at firms end up working similar hours just for less pay.

[Anonymous]

Can your partner stay at home? I would assume with one good income you could afford a stay at home parents for two SN children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your partner stay at home? I would assume with one good income you could afford a stay at home parents for two SN children.

OP here, no big law firm job is secure enough for that. I could make partner or I could be out next year. Even after making partner, I could still be out if I don't add enough value. Having my husband give up his job when I could be out of one almost at any moment despite my best efforts isn't a good idea. Believe me, we've considered it.

[Anonymous]

I assume you can't reduce your hours at your current firm? I did at mine.
Do you live in this area? My government friends in some divisions have reliable 9-5 jobs. But you'd want to ask around and apply to one of those more consistent divisions if they're even hiring (?)
Even in house - do you have any friends you could ask if they're legit 9-5 or whatever?

[Anonymous]

What's your specialty?

The non-big time litigating divisions in the government are genuinely 9-5. My friend is in DOJ tax - not the trial division - and she works 8:30-4:30 every day.

I'd start applying to a ton of government attorney positions and then as you get interviews, suss out which ones will be a good fit. Don't apply to high profile DOJ jobs (fraud, etc.) bc those will be just as much work as a big law position with a ton of travel. But less competitive agencies like HUD, DHS, etc. have line attorney positions that will absolutely be predictable hours.

[Anonymous]

Most in-house attorney gigs at large companies (and many small ones too) are 8:30-5:30 type jobs. My DH was laid off from biglaw in 09 and has been in-house ever since. His salary has ranged from 150k-300k + bonus. He would never go back. (And I SAH and we live quite well on just his salary.)

I would say the crappy hours jobs are the exception rather than the rule in-house. In-house lawyers leave at 4:30 2x a week to coach soccer, etc.

[Anonymous]

^^^to clarify, he’d never go back to a law firm.

[Anonymous]

I am your age (graduated law school in 2010) and for me, defined hours was always a priority. Association work falls along lose lines unlesss your lobbying and need to attend dinners. Associations (policy or general counsel) are generally 9-530. The federal government has great flexibility. In my agency we have to be there during core hours of 10-3, but otherwise can set our own schedules (730-4 or 9-530 for example). I also work from home two days a week and can build up credit hours. I feel like I’m doing meaningful work but can also be the mom I need to be.

I also agree with A pp that you should be honest you have a family. In my interviews I always casually mentioned I had a kid, and once I got the offer I made sure I could leave by a certain time for day care pick up. It worked out fine and I didn’t want to work for non family friendly assholrs anyway.

[Anonymous]

I am in a situation similar to yours and I work in biglaw in an of counsel, part time position. I was very upfront about what I wanted, but people who hired me knew me and the quality of my work. These positions are out there, you just need to network to find them.

Good luck, giving up your career after putting your life into it is hard, and there are days, even years later, when I really regret it, but our children are worth it.