Relationship in a bad place

[Anonymous]

I just don't feel like our relationship is in a good place. I have always been way more independent than he was but since we have kids he never wants to leave the house to do his own thing and it is suffocating me. It would be one thing if he actually did stuff around the house or played with the kids (he will do sometimes) but mainly I am the one entertaining them; doing their laundry, cooking etc. He takes the bus to work so I have to drop off and pick up the kids. Because 'i am the only one using the regularly' somehow i get the pleasure of taking them in for oil changes etc (he uses them on teh weekends with us). I just feel my blood boil even thinking about him lately. Add to that my job is growing massively in responsibility with my staff doubling in size this past year. I brought up to him about a change in jobs so i could feel a better balance and get things done but he was against that due to my income (about 2/3 of his). He gets paid more but actually works far less and has minimal responsibilities at work and supervises no one. He takes an hour lunch with friends a few days a week and I am lucky if i get to eat leftovers for 15 minutes at my desk uninterupted. I feel like something has to give and right now I am thinking it is my marriage.

He had a family issue he had to go to his parents house for a few days this past week and OMG it was so much easier without him around. The kids got their stuff done without him harping on them, i knew what i needed to do and got it done (usually he says he will do something and then NEVER does so last minute i end up scrambling).
Then he was all hurt when i didn't go on and on about how much i missed him. Its like dude, your 38 and make my life 3 times harder than it needs to be, what is there to miss? Yet i did say i missed him, guess it just wasn't 'enough' for him. WHo has time for this?

Just venting i guess.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. This gets better.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm in a similar space and we don't even have kids, so I feel you.

Sorry, don't have any advice, just came to commiserate.

[Anonymous]

Discomfort is a huge part of life. Some people escape for a while but it hits everybody and then you take a dirt bath.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
How do you balance getting shit done that needs to get done and enabling a spouse who can't even write "milk" on the list when he drinks it all (the list is on the damn fridge with a magnetic pen!!!)
i just can't have a 3rd kid that i am married to. Not with my job and 2 kids who actually need me. How the hell do men get so damn lazy, complacent etc? I have lost all respect for him because he just can seem to pull his weight without it being a huge thing and me thanking him like 10,000 times for starting the damn dishwasher. WTF. Just adult for once.

[Anonymous]

I just divorced mine. My house is so much cleaner, the kids are so much happier and I have so much more free time. The funniest part is that after we split all of the sudden he learned how to contribute to a household and he cooks and cleans and does laundry and dishes- at his new place. He’s going to be a great husband to the next girl.

Read about codependency. That’s what your situation sounds like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just divorced mine. My house is so much cleaner, the kids are so much happier and I have so much more free time. The funniest part is that after we split all of the sudden he learned how to contribute to a household and he cooks and cleans and does laundry and dishes- at his new place. He’s going to be a great husband to the next girl.

Read about codependency. That’s what your situation sounds like.

Ugh, 8:42 commiserating here. And this is what I worry about! Ugh, not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Discomfort is a huge part of life. Some people escape for a while but it hits everybody and then you take a dirt bath.

That's festive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just divorced mine. My house is so much cleaner, the kids are so much happier and I have so much more free time. The funniest part is that after we split all of the sudden he learned how to contribute to a household and he cooks and cleans and does laundry and dishes- at his new place. He’s going to be a great husband to the next girl.

Read about codependency. That’s what your situation sounds like.

This sounds good and hopefully will be me soon. Can you tell us more about custody and how you manage as a working single mom?