Would it be so bad to cede custody in this case?

[Anonymous]

I've posted prolifically in the past, and recently left my STBX with my two young children in tow. I am starting over from nothing, and have no savings, no family support etc. Obviously everything is really expensive, and I cannot afford everything as I establish myself. Would it be so horrible for me to let my ex have the kids for a time (6 months? A year?) while I get on my feet?

[Anonymous]

How can you be sure he'd give them back? Or the courts would? A year from now the courts will say "They've settled into a routine, school, friends, bonded even more with their father, etc." The best interest of the children may not be to disrupt all of that to move them to be with you.

I don't mean this to be rude but didn't you think this out before leaving?

[Anonymous]

If you give them up now you won't get them back for anything more than visitation. If you want more, you gotta fight for it now. He needs to pay child support, and for a proportional amount of childcare (for work/job hunting) based on income.

[Anonymous]

Is your STBX a good parent? Is s/he in a better position to take care of your kids than you are? If yes then you should cede custody, it would be in the kids' best interest. However if the ex is not a good parent or just as broke as you will be, you sound like you're just trying to get into a better economic position at your kids' expense, with is not a good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you give them up now you won't get them back for anything more than visitation. If you want more, you gotta fight for it now. He needs to pay child support, and for a proportional amount of childcare (for work/job hunting) based on income.

Agreed. No judge is going to agree to temporarily grant him more custody until you get on your feet and then revisit the situation in a year. You fight now or you give it up for good.

[Anonymous]

Isn't he overseas? I would look into women's shelter resources, local churches, govt assistance programs. See what's out there before you hand your children over.

[Anonymous]

These are things we advised you to consider a year ago. Actually two years ago when you found out you were pregnant and were being “emotionally abused”.

[Anonymous]

You aren't going to get your kids back easily if they are doing well and stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are things we advised you to consider a year ago. Actually two years ago when you found out you were pregnant and were being “emotionally abused”.

That was just over a year ago. Thanks? I could not save money and I could not work. What was I to do?

[Anonymous]

Why are you waffling now?!?

I say this with the utmost respect, either your STBX is the monster you’ve painted him or he is not. You cannot claim he’s the devil, but he can have the kids until you are back on your feet.

I was abused, penniless, physically ill AND having a high-risk pregnancy hours away from family and friends, but I knew I couldn’t sleep at night with my X around my kids daily. So I found a way to live and fight. I didn’t get back on my feet for years, but I damn sure crawled to hell and back for my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you waffling now?!?

I say this with the utmost respect, either your STBX is the monster you’ve painted him or he is not. You cannot claim he’s the devil, but he can have the kids until you are back on your feet.

I was abused, penniless, physically ill AND having a high-risk pregnancy hours away from family and friends, but I knew I couldn’t sleep at night with my X around my kids daily. So I found a way to live and fight. I didn’t get back on my feet for years, but I damn sure crawled to hell and back for my children.

I agree. I thought he was barely communicating with you and refusing to discuss child support. Now you want to send the kids overseas with him?

You were having trouble working up the energy to find a lawyer who would garnish his wages. You will never get these kids back. I guess the question is, do you want them?

There have been enough oddities in your posts over the years to make me wonder what story your ex would tell about all of this. Sometimes it seems like you live in an alternate reality 90% of the time, and then you're shocked by the real world when you see it the other 10% of the time, which is never enough to get your shit together.

[Anonymous]

How do you all know who’s posting? Unless this is a sock puppet?

OP you can’t do temporary custody. The courts will do what’s in the best interest on the kids. You may never get them back. Are you in the DC area? Find some resources to help. Like the Family Justice Center in Rockville. Or the Women’s Center in DC. They can provide info on things like housing, jobs, therapy, etc. there should be similar things where you are, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you all know who’s posting? Unless this is a sock puppet?

As OP stated, she has posted prolifically in the past and has provided a lot of details, whether true or not is anybody's guess, but they stay relatively the same between threads.