Slight chance of ADHD, and applying for schools

[Anonymous]

We just discovered that DH has adult ADHD. This is an enormous relief as it explains a lot of issues we've had in our marriage.

But now we wonder if DD, almost 5, could have ADHD as well. She doesn't have any glaring behavior problems and I don't think she needs to be evaluated at this point (and her preschool has zero complaints) but she is very high energy and the grandparents say she is "just like" DH when he was a kid.

The big question is: should any of this affect our applying to private schools this year? If she is admitted and starts K next year and then it becomes more clear that she has ADHD, are we going to be asked to leave? Or will they accommodate kids with ADHD as long as they don't have difficult-to-manage behavioral issues?

[Anonymous]

Don't buy trouble. If there are no complaints from pre-school, as you say, that's a sign that all is well, school-wise. Just proceed normally. Save any evaluations for later, if behavioral problems begin in her new school.

[Anonymous]

My son is 4.5. I have adhd. It is *clear* that my son does also. Its not just high energy. You can just tell...can she focus on what you are saying? Listen to you and follow through with things you ask? Follow multiple step directions?

Like PP said, dont buy trouble.

[Anonymous]

My husband, his father and his brothers all have ADHD. Plus math PhDs..

I am definitely watching for things in my two children. One seems fine, the other is off in her own world if either us parents are around. School is fine so far, but I expect ADHD inattentive vein to manifest the same way it does for family members: forgetful, needs lists and lists, reminding, time mgmt help, defensiveness when make a mistake, hyperfocus on topic of their choosing (1-2 topics total).

[Anonymous]

And just apply, consider this a non issue and frankly most privates can find effective ways to connect to adhd students or help them develop coping systems.w

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies!

I'm totally new to the ADHD world so it's helpful to hear I shouldn't have to overthink it right now with my DD and the private school application process!

[Anonymous]

It became clear to me that our dd had ADHD around the age of 6, we were in private by then. They didn't kick her out, they also didn't accommodate her. She wasn't a huge behavioral problem but she did talk out of turn a lot and she would also distract her friends, nothing that was "kick out worthy" but she did have social issues because of it. Once we medicated it was much better.

I can not blame the school for not accommodating, you really need different teachers who will understand learning issues. Take it one step at a time but be prepared,if the time comes, to look for a school that is the right fit rather than trying to make your current school a good fit, it just doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

ADHD isn't a deal breaker for private school. I wouldn't worry about it at all, especially since she is doing so well currently!

[Anonymous]

Our child has ADHD and the symptoms can come out more strongly as academic expectations increase. We started to to see the ADHD clearly at the beginning of 2nd grade in terms of focus during classroom assignments and self-regulation when upset about something. If you think there is ADHD then wait until age 7 to get the neuropsych because it is the most helpful then (although kids can test accurately as early as age 6.) ADHD can be inherited, but it can also skip generations. We did decide to start medication that has been effective, but this was after working on other options first like behavioral therapy because the ADHD had not been diagnosed yet.

I would wait until you see more symptoms like the other posters have described. We did not find our pediatrician to be helpful but worked with a wonderful child psychologist. It sounds like your daughter is doing well in school; just keep an eye out as you already are doing as the academic expectations increase.

Good luck with the application process!

[Anonymous]

Kids with ADHD and similar challenges represent about 20-25% of the student population nationally. Almost all the schools discussed here have a similar proportion of kids with those diagnoses (or with symptoms that have gone undiagnosed). The exceptions are schools that specifically meet that learning profile like Lab or Mclean. They have a much higher proportion of such students.

For all those who would deny this about their school, you're misinformed. Schools don't like to be transparent about this because they think it tarnishes their brand. (Which is unfortunate because it stigmatizes some very bright and high achieving kids.) But it's true for the top independent schools AND the top universities as well.

So be honest when you apply, for the sake of your child. The only way it can hurt your chances is it the school is already pushing the limit on admits for kids with those issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids with ADHD and similar challenges represent about 20-25% of the student population nationally. Almost all the schools discussed here have a similar proportion of kids with those diagnoses (or with symptoms that have gone undiagnosed). The exceptions are schools that specifically meet that learning profile like Lab or Mclean. They have a much higher proportion of such students.

For all those who would deny this about their school, you're misinformed. Schools don't like to be transparent about this because they think it tarnishes their brand. (Which is unfortunate because it stigmatizes some very bright and high achieving kids.) But it's true for the top independent schools AND the top universities as well.

So be honest when you apply, for the sake of your child. The only way it can hurt your chances is it the school is already pushing the limit on admits for kids with those issues.

CDC says 11%. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/data.html

[jjconcern]

My suggestion would be to observe and carefully check out the private school you are considering placing her at. If you already know that she is high energy, I wouldn't put her in a situation where academics are accelerated in the early primary grades. For example- a setting in which young children are expected to sit for long periods of time and listen to the teacher or expected to do serious homework at night. High energy children are often singled out as behavior problems when their way of learning is not appreciated which is often exploration and hands on learning. Even if they provide extra help for this type of learner, the child sees it as something is "wrong with me or I'm not as smart as the rest of them."
We have been made to believe that the more acceleration in academics the better which is often not true. Children need experiences rather than just facts given to them because they are of little interest to them if they have no experiences with the fact to base the memory on. Children that are pushed into uncomfortable situations early on in school often lose their excitement about learning which is what you don't want to happen. The goal is to be curious and have a love of learning that lasts for a lifetime. As an educational psychologist and mother and grandmother I have seen many children get discouraged. My best wishes to you and your family as you consider what is the best school situation for your daughter.