Should you continue a relationship with your "in-patient friends"?

[Anonymous]

I was hospitalized last Spring for depression for a few weeks. It was great--group sessions, one on one, CBT, art therapy--really really helpful healing stuff. I had a roommate there and we became close and tried to maintain a friendship when we got home.

Things kept piling up in my life suddenly--DH illness, then accidents, teenage son acting out it was just so strange--but I was managing. But I had really confided in this lovely person so much I felt uncomfortable about it. She hadn't been answering my phone calls or texts for weeks--but then suddenly told me she was pregnant.

It feels like just too much.

So I texted just to tell her I thought it probably wasn't good for either of and that we should take a break. She said "fine, but I'm pregnant". This woman is such a good person. Really.

So I was going to just let it be in a time out until I get into a more regular pattern in life--but I really just don't know if any of this is healthy? I love her really but I'm afraid I won't be able to be the friend she needs.

[Anonymous]

Is she asking you for support of some type or just sharing big news in her life since she got used to sharing everything with you??

[Anonymous]

~crickets~

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she asking you for support of some type or just sharing big news in her life since she got used to sharing everything with you??

I don't know. But I think when you say something like that you are expecting some kind of support.

[Anonymous]

Why for people feel the need to "break up" with friends, and casual ones at that? Seriously, next time just do the slow fade without any we need to take a break theatrics. You had the perfect put when she wasn't returning your calls. You could have faded away then and it would have been really easy.

[Anonymous]

I HATE the word "trigger" in this context, but I am afraid I am triggered by her since we both have issues. I feel very guilty about all this--she such a lovely person, if a little unbalanced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why for people feel the need to "break up" with friends, and casual ones at that? Seriously, next time just do the slow fade without any we need to take a break theatrics. You had the perfect put when she wasn't returning your calls. You could have faded away then and it would have been really easy.

I guess this felt different because of the hospitalization--we sort of acted as sponsors for each other--long periods of silence could mean she has fallen off the "wellness wagon", or worse, committed suicide. But of course you're right--I would normally let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I HATE the word "trigger" in this context, but I am afraid I am triggered by her since we both have issues. I feel very guilty about all this--she such a lovely person, if a little unbalanced.

How is this triggering? Are you in love with her?

[Anonymous]

Do you feel guilty in some way? Like, you confided in her and she was there for you, and now you are not being there for her?

[Anonymous]

Does the hospital/unit have a policy on this? Many do. I know in my DH's substance abuse program, there are limits on contacts outside the therapeutic environment.

In terms of this situation, I think you should be honest with her.

"Maggie, I'm sorry I've been distancing myself. We've been very close, and you know that intimacy is one of my big issues. I'm trying to figure out a way to balance our friendship, which was wonderful for me, with my own fears and anxieties. Please know that I'm thinking of you. Larla."

[Anonymous]

Your post is unclear. She stopped responding to your messages, then reached out to say she was pregnant, and your response was to tell her you needed a break?

Did you congratulate her? That's what a friend would do.

You sound a bit self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

I think the slow fade is incredibly hurtful, especially if you were close. Be honest but kind. If you were super casual friends, sure the fade is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I am not a therapist, nor have I ever been an addict.

But I am under the impression that people who go to addiction support groups are not encouraged to be friends outside of the support group contexts?

I think it's okay and maybe even appropriate to have an intense friendship at a therapeutic facility that doesn't continue outside of that time.

I go to a yoga retreat annually, and always meet super lovely people and sometimes share personal stories and learn things. But none of us has tried to continue that relationship after going back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the slow fade is incredibly hurtful, especially if you were close. Be honest but kind. If you were super casual friends, sure the fade is appropriate.

telling someone you don’t want to be their friend is way more hurtful than drifting apart naturally.

[sunnyface]

Sounds like the two of you formed a nice bond while hospitalized. I believe sometimes the Lord places friends before us for a season. Perhaps, this is what the two of you had. Friends for a season? There is nothing wrong with placing boundaries in your life. Only we know what we can handle and if this friendship is causing you some challenges then I think it is okay to explain to your friend what it is you are feeling. Honesty is the best policy! Good luck to you!!