Third Child?

[Anonymous]

I thought I would pose this question to some of the more seasoned parents out there. I am thinking of having a third child but am still on the fence because I am older (41) and have two younger kids and feel like I have to either make this decision now or let this go (don't have any fertility issues and had last child at 40 with no problems but am realistic).

Part of me is thinking that I have two healthy kids of different genders and that adding another one so close would be unfair to them and trying in a few years is just too old for our comfort and plus I would worry about me dying early etc. There is another part that still wants another and thinks it would be great.

My question for the seasoned parents who may have been through this is this? Will I get over the wanting the third or will I be still thinking about this years from now. Or..is adding a third so close and me being older something I will secretly regret and I get that you always love your kids.

Any insight would be wonderful!

[Anonymous]

great questions but I just had my 3rd 4 months ago. My other two are almost 3 and almost 5 - all boys. This 3rd has brought true joy to everyone in our household. We are really enjoying having a baby around without the worry of new parenthood.
i would have regretted not having a 3rd. I feel like you regarding a 4th so it is tough and it'll be interesting to hear what people say in response to your questions. Good luck! But I'd say go for it if you can mange it!!! You won't regret your 3rd but you may regret that you never had him or her!

[Anonymous]

We have 2 kids (an older boy and a younger girl). I have been thinking a lot lately (also because of the age), and decided to stop on two...

[Anonymous]

my 3rd boy has brought so much joy to our family- it sounds dorky, but we cannot imagine feeling complete without him. Sometimes I can't believe I hoped for a girl and am so grateful for him. I would have regretted not having him, so I don't know how to tell you if you'll get over it if you don't. I do know at least 3 people who have told me how they wished they had had more kids (they each are families of 2 kids), so I think they regret it.
FWIW, after a 4th child, I absolutely knew I was done, but I never felt that way before.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP above!

Our 3rd is an absolute joy and added a whole new dimension to our family. We cannot imagine life without him. I think you always say that once you have a child, but he really changed the whole family dynamic for us. He's our little comedian and the other four of us just adore him. He is almost 5 and now he can hang with the big kids, but he's still my baby.

I knew I wanted a 3rd (actually always wanted 4) but Dh was happy with two, so it took some negotiating. I am so glad I pushed for #3 because a big part of our family was missing without him.

We are now trying for #4, but I know that will complete our family. I do not & will not have any desire for #5, but 4 feels perfect to me. I still feel like someone is missing. I do things like absent-mindedly set 6 places at the dinner table, forgetting that there are only 5 of us. I just feel we are meant to be a family of 6.

What I do regret is not trying sooner for #4. I am older now and having difficulty getting pregnant, and I did not have trouble conceiving my others, so I think if we had tried a year or two ago, it would have been easier. I tried to make peace with having 3 but was not able to let it go, so here we are, trying for a 4th at an age where there are more risks and I have to realize that it might never happen.

It's impossible for me to tell you whether having a 3rd is something you're still going to be thinking about in a few years. I have been thinking about having a 4th for almost 5 years, and broaching the subject with my Dh every couple of months until he finally agreed to try about 8 months ago. Unfortunately we have had one pregnancy loss and are still trying.

Another PP thought about it and decided to stop with 2 - that works for her and her family. I thought about it and decided to go for 4 - that works for me. It's something you have to work out in your own heart and mind, but if you feel deep down you truly want another, I would go for it. I don't think you'll regret it.

[Anonymous]

My husband's cousin has 3 who older than our kids. Her youngest was moving to a bed when I was pregnant with our first. She told me that when she took down the crib after her second moved into a bed, she cried, and then got pregnant with #3 b/c that told her she wasn't done. When #3 moved into a bed, she called us and said, get this stuff out of my house NOW! She was DONE! All three girls are healthy and wonderful, so it has nothing to do with that, it was just that she knew her family was done.

I have two and the youngest is 19 months. I am younger than you so age is not an issue for me, but I had two very very rough pregnancies. It is very hard to think about being pregnant again and very hard to think about reliving the difficult phases with a baby/toddler. And the baby has had a few problems, nothing major, nothing she won't overcome, thank goodness, but it does make you think.

And yet I am like the poster setting the extra place setting. I say things to my husband like, we have to go to Disney World before I get pregnant. When I put the baby clothes away, I know I am putting them away for another child.

If something happens and I can't have that child, I will be okay. I have two beautiful children that I love with all my heart and I am grateful for them. But something will be missing.

That's just me, though, you may feel differently.

[Anonymous]

I'm also curious whether anyone out there really wanted 3, only had 2 and still thought about it years later. I had 2 difficult pregnancies and a preemie. After 2 rounds with early onset severe PE I just can't imagine risking it again. We were so lucky to have gotten through it with 2 healthy kids that it seems wrong for us to risk it all again for a 3rd. I can't stop really, really wishing that we could have a third child. I'm 40 so this is also it for deciding though I feel we just don't have a choice. I've given most of the big baby items away and I though that would make it easier.

[Anonymous]

PP my greatest fear is that I will look back with regret. FYI-people have asked for my baby things but I say no no yet. Maybe that is a sign.

[Anonymous]

Our third child is the sweetest child - although very active. DC fills the world - friends, neighbors, and relatives with joy. Was also easier to raise as we seem to be getting better at this!

We feel very blessed to have now 4. We did them every 2 years apart - although took us a while each time. The jump from 3 to 4 was the big one for us. We both wanted it, but questioned it at times - particularly as it was difficult to get pregnant. I also had a rough 3rd pregnancy so really prepared myself physically for the 4th.

Now is the point where we feel finished even though I love kids and it seems strange not looking to be pregnant again. With the 4th, I know at each stage, its the last, and I really treasure those moments of each milestone. And its easier to give away the baby stuff!

[Anonymous]

In the hospital with my second right after delivery, I was already aching for a third. After my third, I was content and done. Again, almost instantly felt that way.

[Anonymous]

If even an inkling of doubt, go for it. I did and never regretted a second.