How to get people to agree to not give gifts?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I see so many people posting about how they have made their families agree to only buy gifts for the kids instead of everyone. I'd love this! Problem is that only DH and I have kids and none of his siblings will ever have kids. Is there a way to make this work with childless couples? I would also be okay if they didn't give our kids gifts either. |
Anonymous
| Have you asked them? |
Anonymous
| All you can do is have a conversation, share your POV, listen to your relatives, and come to a compromise. If the expense is the issue, maybe you can agree to continue the practice of gift-giving but cap the amount per gift. Some people LIKE to give gifts. And yes, for some people who have small families, ending all gift-giving is sad. Try to find a middle ground. |
Anonymous
You'd be okay with it? Wow, how considerate. |
Anonymous
OP here. Well it seems greedy to not give them gifts but to tell them to gift our kids still. Kids get a lot of presents anyways and we're working on making the holiday more about spending time with people you love than gifts. |
Anonymous
| I would have a couple of alternatives to suggest. Just taking away the gift exchange leaves kind of a vacuum. In my extended family, we did a Secret Santa-type exchange where each person bought a gift for one other person, and it was a surprise who had your name. We also all chipped in to buy Christmas dinner and other groceries for a family in need (my aunt worked in the office at the local school, so she always knew some family that was going through a hard time). Other options...a white elephant exchange, going out to eat or having some other fun activity that you do together. |
Anonymous
| an option would be to do a secret santa... |
Anonymous
| We switched to having adults draw names each Christmas on my DH's family (we don't do adult gifts on my side). We'll add the kids to the rotation once they graduate from college. |
Anonymous
| I don't know. I have tried desperately to get my family to stop an adult gift exchange. No dice |
Anonymous
| We have an easy approach. I have five siblings and every year one of us picks a charity that all of us give to. We don't buy presents for nieces and nephews, we just make big contributions to one charity. |
Anonymous
| +1 for the secret santa, and make sure to agree on a price limit for it |
Anonymous
|
Some people truly love to pick out gifts, and it's important to them. But I agree that it gets out of hand. You may find your relatives much more receptive to the idea of secret Santa than the idea of going cold turkey and doing no gifts at all. Definitely set a dollar limit on secret Santa or it turns into a problem if some givers spend a lot more than others. Next time folks will feel they need to keep up and will overspend. If someone agrees to secret Santa but then still brings out a gift "because I just couldn't resist it! I know we're only supposed to do secret Santa but this was perfect for little Sally!" you just smile and say thanks. You really can't control others. Do get other adults in your family on your side to talk up secret Santa as the most fun ever and make a big event of it, so it's more of a big deal to those who might initially see it as "cutting back." Do a party around it if you can. If your relatives are not local, though, I think secret Santa is harder. In that case, can you be frank with them and say you'd like to limit kid gifts to, say, books only?.... One thing our local family did when I was young was secret Santa for everyone above a certain age, but for kids under that age, adults could give gifts to them all or as they pleased. So for instance, when I was, say, six, I would get three or four small gifts from several (by no means all) of my dad's relatives, while my parents, aunts, uncles, teen cousins etc. all did secret Santa and got one gift each and gave one gift each. It kind of dealt with the issue of aunts or grandparents saying, "But I really love giving gifts to the younger kids." Only you know at what age your family could place the cutoff..... |
Anonymous
| Our family said something along the lines of "Hey- how about just gifts for the kids?" Everybody was on board. We still buy for our mom though! |
Anonymous
|
We used to have two Secret Santas - one for kids and one for adults. Names are drawn after Thanksgiving dinner.
Even that became too much hassle, so now the kids to a Secret Santa and the adults do a White Elephant with gifts under $20. It's a lot of fun and nobody has to stretch the budget too far. |
Anonymous
| We have tried to get DH family to agree to this but they won't. One year we did a secret santa the next year they went back to everyone gives everyone a gift. I have no problem with adults getting gifts but it creates a financial problem for us. Last year we set a $20 gift limit per person which helped a lot. |