What if you think your SN kid is in no way ready for college?
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Anonymous
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DC2 has special needs---is not an academic kid at all---but very handy and could easily learn a skilled trade. Nor do I realistically think---given DC2's IEP and standardized test scores---that DC2 will ever be college material. DC2 is watching DC1 (who IS much more academically inclined and lightyears ahead in maturity) work on college applications.
DC2 surprised me with several college brochures. Now, I can tell from our initial conversations that DC hasn't thought through anything associated with college other than as an opportunity to play club/intramural sports, stay up late and go to parties. DC2 is developmentally far less mature than peers and has no real friends. In no way is DC2 ready to live away from home with similarly aged peers---I could easily foresee a situation where DC2 tries drugs/alcohol as a way to win friends. Yes, I know that there are many, many immature college freshman, but we are talking an entirely different level of dysmaturity. And I just can't fathom the idea of paying tens of thousands for college when everything I know tells me that it would rapidly become a disaster. What do similarly situated parents of SN kids do in this situation? When you know that there is no way that your kid can survive in a neurotypical 4 year live-away from home college environment and it could easily lead to much greater problems? |
Anonymous
| Have you considered a highly structured gap year program? Or perhaps an internship in the trade that he is interested in? Maybe you could reach out to the union of the trade and ask if they have any apprenticeships |
Anonymous
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How old is your son? Does he have an IEP?
Has transition planning through school started? It's a great way to talk about plans, altitudes. In the meantime, does your son have a part time job or can he do an internship next summer? If all he sees is college as an option because of his older brother, you can't blame him for being unaware of his own goals. |
Anonymous
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He does have an IEP. We are working with school on transition planning. We have talked (by that I mean, DH and I have talked to him---he doesn't really express an opinion back) about the fact that people can have very successful careers and lives, and be able to support their families, without having to necessarily get a 4 year degree.
He had a job last summer which was supposed to get him exposure to various trades; however, instead of shadowing several options, he instead picked one part of the facility and stayed there all summer (not necessarily a part that would lead to a long-term path--I think he picked what seemed easiest). My issue is that maturity-wise, DS is maybe 10 or 11. He likes cartoons and Pokemon. He has language processing issues that make it extremely difficult for him to keep up with the typical teen banter of his age group. I was hoping he would live at home post high-school and go to community college/trade school while he has time and a safe place in which to grow up. Just looking for suggestions as to the kindest way to steer him in this direction, without making him feel inadequate. He already feels badly that he is not as academically talented at DC1. |
Anonymous
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My oldest lags behind in maturity. He is about 4 years behind. The highly structured dorm life and finding one club ,which turned out to be his tribe, is what made his college life experience a success. He is academically oriented though. He is in a college in the Midwest. He has found people to be far more accommodating and inclusive there than he experienced in his NOVA HS.
He has a friend from his many years in a weekly social skills group. This friend is not academically oriented either. He attended NVCC for two years while living at home. He is now at Radford getting a film tech degree/certificate. NVCC has a Pathways programs geared toward students and gives them extra help in navigating from a two year program to a four year program. Are there other skills sets your son has that can be the key to his success as an adult? These skills are the things that will help him overcome his deficits and get him to independence. If you are in FCPS, there is something called Future Quest. It happens every other year and will happen this December. I encourage you to attend. http://www.futurequestgmu.org/ |
Anonymous
| Are your kids twins? |
Anonymous
I see you have posted with more information. Just an add on- my other (more typically mature) DC is a freshman in college and his Saturday night activity is the Pokémon club. So, that is not necessarily a sign of immaturity. 
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Anonymous
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Your son is just 10 or 11? He has time and your older child being out of the house at college next year is a great time to put the focus on him and what his strengths are.
Do you have family or friends that didn't go to college? Own their own business? He needs to interact with different people, not just get lectures from his parents. |
Anonymous
I think Op said that maturity wise her DC is around 10 or 11. She hasn't specified chronological age/grade. |
Anonymous
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Gap year to work in local jobs and then community college. He lives with you. After that, you all decide whether he can transfer to a college further away or if he finds a job. |
Anonymous
| My son goes to Montgomery College in the automotive program. The program offers a number of different options. Kids can do it for non-credit, credit and certificate or credit and associates degree. My son is in the certificate program and should finish in two years. He lives at home. It's a perfect solution for us. I don't think he'd be successful on his own. He has grown up tremendously in the few months since he started. I can now work with him on more independent living skills, like money and time management. He's found friends and goes out in the evenings for the first time ever. He's working on finding new things to do with his free time. |
Anonymous
| Public h.s. Do transition fairs. There's one this Saturday at Moco community college. At the very least make sure your kid has basic life skills. |
Anonymous
| My DC who is somewhat similar is in community college. It's fine for now. I'm hoping he will find a more vocational educational path because I don't see a 4 year degree in his future. |
Anonymous
I am not the OP but I have twins and face the same dilemma. One twin far outperforms the other who has language based learning issues. The SN twin is immature and somewhat out of touch with reality. They just started high school and I am very concerned for the future of SN twin after high school. Just trying to get through high school is challenging enough. |
Anonymous
| What about a community college with a trade program attached? Many trades are short programs. |