"Sleeping" with boss

[Anonymous]

In the light of the Harvey W rape news today, this thread seems especially inappropriate.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/674150.page

I also wonder if it was authored by the same person who was essentially saying the women asked for it in the Harvey W thread.

If it is, given the personal experiences other posters were recounting about workplace harassment, it seems it should be taken down

[jsteele]

No, the OP is not that poster. I don't think the thread needs to be removed. I moved it to the Jobs forum and it would be easy enough to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

I think that's a very disappointing choice on a day like today, which is very distressing for many women (your primary audience). Especially, as I said, the women who posted about feeling extremely upset after listening to the audio and reading the articles today.

Very unfortunate.

[jsteele]

I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that's a very disappointing choice on a day like today, which is very distressing for many women (your primary audience). Especially, as I said, the women who posted about feeling extremely upset after listening to the audio and reading the articles today.

Very unfortunate.

Relax, PP. Not everything has to be seen in that light. Today is just like any other day. Plenty of people haven't heard or read whatever you're referring to, including me, and I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Agreed, and that's what poster(s?) in the Harvey W thread were doing, shortly before this thread appeared. I'm sure you're aware of people who are blaming the women by claiming they chose to sleep with him for career advancement. You cannot truly see no correlation to those statements and then this thread appearing shortly after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that's a very disappointing choice on a day like today, which is very distressing for many women (your primary audience). Especially, as I said, the women who posted about feeling extremely upset after listening to the audio and reading the articles today.

Very unfortunate.

Relax, PP. Not everything has to be seen in that light. Today is just like any other day. Plenty of people haven't heard or read whatever you're referring to, including me, and I'm a woman.

It's front page news absolutely everywhere.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Yes. But for every woman "getting s job" for sleeping with her is. The boss is not giving the job to a woman that did not sleep with him.

I did not read the thread but the men who did this in my past just kept trying until me they found somebody who would slept with them.

Being a part of it is being complicit in sexual harassment.

The poster probably has less power than she thinks and while she is only hurting herself she may not realize it until it is too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that's a very disappointing choice on a day like today, which is very distressing for many women (your primary audience). Especially, as I said, the women who posted about feeling extremely upset after listening to the audio and reading the articles today.

Very unfortunate.

Relax, PP. Not everything has to be seen in that light. Today is just like any other day. Plenty of people haven't heard or read whatever you're referring to, including me, and I'm a woman.

It's front page news absolutely everywhere.

Hmm... no.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Also- aren't most boss/subordinate relationships considered risky in terms of consent because of the power difference? Pretty sure they are nowadays. So yes, understanding "consensual" sexual relationship through this context is really important, and was definitely what enabled Harvey W to get away with what he did.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Agreed, and that's what poster(s?) in the Harvey W thread were doing, shortly before this thread appeared. I'm sure you're aware of people who are blaming the women by claiming they chose to sleep with him for career advancement. You cannot truly see no correlation to those statements and then this thread appearing shortly after?

I removed those posts from the Weinstein thread because I considered them inappropriate. A different poster started the new thread. Whether there is a correlation is not something I can determine.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Yes. But for every woman "getting s job" for sleeping with her is. The boss is not giving the job to a woman that did not sleep with him.

I did not read the thread but the men who did this in my past just kept trying until me they found somebody who would slept with them.

Being a part of it is being complicit in sexual harassment.

The poster probably has less power than she thinks and while she is only hurting herself she may not realize it until it is too late.

I suggest that you make that point in the actual thread rather than in Website Feedback. I'm not here to judge the effectiveness or morality of sleeping with your boss. I only care about keeping posts appropriate and on topic.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Agreed, and that's what poster(s?) in the Harvey W thread were doing, shortly before this thread appeared. I'm sure you're aware of people who are blaming the women by claiming they chose to sleep with him for career advancement. You cannot truly see no correlation to those statements and then this thread appearing shortly after?

I removed those posts from the Weinstein thread because I considered them inappropriate. A different poster started the new thread. Whether there is a correlation is not something I can determine.

Apparently not. I do wish you would reconsider your choice or reflect on this because some of the posts were heartbreaking and on a day like today, a thread like that is so inappropriate. And hurtful.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Yes. But for every woman "getting s job" for sleeping with her is. The boss is not giving the job to a woman that did not sleep with him.

I did not read the thread but the men who did this in my past just kept trying until me they found somebody who would slept with them.

Being a part of it is being complicit in sexual harassment.

The poster probably has less power than she thinks and while she is only hurting herself she may not realize it until it is too late.

I suggest that you make that point in the actual thread rather than in Website Feedback. I'm not here to judge the effectiveness or morality of sleeping with your boss. I only care about keeping posts appropriate and on topic.

I dont want to engage in the thread at all. I find it distressing that's even up on recent topics, and I'm sure I'm not the only one on a day when we've just listened to a tape of a man trying to badger and harass a subordinate into a room so he could rape her.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

jsteele wrote:I am not sure why you are comparing consensual relationships to unwanted, forced, sexual assault. That's basically the same thing the poster to whom you objected was doing. A woman (or man) who is willing to sleep with his/her boss to get ahead is completely different from someone forced into an unwanted sexual situation. It is wrong to compare them.

Agreed, and that's what poster(s?) in the Harvey W thread were doing, shortly before this thread appeared. I'm sure you're aware of people who are blaming the women by claiming they chose to sleep with him for career advancement. You cannot truly see no correlation to those statements and then this thread appearing shortly after?

I removed those posts from the Weinstein thread because I considered them inappropriate. A different poster started the new thread. Whether there is a correlation is not something I can determine.

Apparently not. I do wish you would reconsider your choice or reflect on this because some of the posts were heartbreaking and on a day like today, a thread like that is so inappropriate. And hurtful.

Yes, I understand that it is a complex topic and the issue of power versus consent is worth discussing and probably should be discussed in the actual thread. Anyone who would be bothered by such a discussion should avoid that thread. But, there are others who are interested in discussing it. It does not violate any of our guidelines and, to the contrary, would likely be a much more interesting discussion than many here.