My brother survived being shot in Vegas

[Anonymous]

My brother was at the concert with my SIL and was shot in the arm before he could get them both out. He had surgery and got to fly home today. I have been kind of a wreck since it happened even though ultimately they are fine. I am thankful they are fine. I'm thankful my beautiful niece wasn't with them that night. I am so proud of my brother and how brave he was.

I'll go home to visit them in a day or two and even though I am desperate to wrap my arms around them I am nervous and I feel guilty for feeling nervous. My brother is ~20 years older so it isn't a typical sibling relationship. I love them both so much but we haven't been much in touch for the last couple years as I've been on the east coast while they're in Oregon.

I can't stop thinking about what they are still going through and will be going through the rest of their lives. I read this article about a survivor of a school shooting in Oregon and what it's like for the world to move on while you are still living what happened. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to do the wrong thing and scare them. I don't want to upset them. I want to be what they need right now.

If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated, but just being able to anonymously vent is helpful, I think.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are assuming the worst. Everyone's experience is different. The worst part for some people is not knowing if their life will even be worth living. I don't know the extent of your brothers injury, but it could prob have been much worse. And not everyone suffering from IED injuries or gunshot wounds ends up having PTSD. Just be there for him and if he wants to talk about it, he will.

[Anonymous]

Glad they're okay, OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for what you went through OP but so happy they are alright. They will probably suffer from some kind of PTSD- probably the best thing you can do is assure them of how much the world did indeed stop and suffer for them that day and how we all hold them in our hearts still.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, that's so scary OP. I'm really glad they're ok. You sound like a good sister.

[Anonymous]

I’m happy for you that your brother is alive. I have PTSD and would worry more about that than survivor’s guilt. There will be many support groups in Las Vegas and other cities though.

[Anonymous]

It took something like this for me to examine my relationships. I wasn't as close to family as I should have been unfortunately, my brother didn't make it. You have a second chance OP. Don't take it for granted. I'm happy your brother and SIL are ok. Very traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

You should encourage him to get therapy for PTSD. Often people will say, oh I'm fine but they will have a much better life going forward with trauma therapy.

Good Luck!

#BTDT

[Anonymous]

Check out the transcript from the 1A show on WAMU yesterday. They did a show on what it is like to be shot including talking to a trauma surgeon. There might be some solid resources there for you to check out to help you start to understand what your brother and SIL are going through. GL.

[Anonymous]

No advice just glad they are safe op. Good luck to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different. Your brother will process this in his own way. He also has the benefit of being able to talk about this with his wife who was also there. They will be a source of strength for each other.

Just go home and let them both know that you love them and are so grateful to be able to hug them today.

[Anonymous]

And sometimes people experience great trauma and go on with life just fine. Everyone is different. Honestly, just enjoy a nice visit; don't try to be his therapist.

[Anonymous]

My DH was shot in Iraq and was is and still is grateful just to be alive. He doesn't have PTSD and is always looking forward. His grandfather was badly injured in North Africa during WWII and was the same way. When my DH got back I just hugged him and waited for him to talk about it which he didn't do right away but eventually he did. Talking with his grandfather about it and comparing scars was very good for him. They were always very close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And sometimes people experience great trauma and go on with life just fine. Everyone is different. Honestly, just enjoy a nice visit; don't try to be his therapist.

OP here. I wouldn't dream of trying to be his therapist. I'm 26 years old, kind of a hot mess in my personal life and mental health, and in therapy myself so it's laughable to think I might counsel a wildly successful middle-aged man about his trauma. Jesus.

The things I'm worried about are much simpler (and very likely not things I should worrying about at all - it's been a tough few days and I came here to get things off my chest) like if I should ask about what happened or if I need to worry about making loud noises. It might sound stupid but I don't know! My life has never been touched by gun violence before, or anything particularly traumatic.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. Yes, I think part of it is that it has been a wake up call in terms of the fragility of life. I'm glad I still have a chance to strengthen our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Oh, gosh, I am so glad he is ok. What a horrifying, terrifying nightmare this all is.