Are you staying married because you can't support yourself alone?
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Anonymous
| Anyone else? I feel so pathetic admitting this but at the moment it's true. I'm a preschool teacher and there's no way I could support myself with my salary alone. My son is almost 2 years old. I think my marriage is over. I don't want to try anymore because it's cultural. My husband is just so different than me. We haven't been intimate in years. I can't remember the last time my husband hugged or kissed me. He has serious anger issues and it creates a lot of distance. I feel so stuck in my marriage. We do live in a more affordable city in Florida now. I definitely don't want to have anymore children with this guy. Part of me wants to get out now while I am still young. I am 29 and most people think I'm a lot younger. They kind of get shocked when I mention I have a child. I'm not sure what I'm asking here... just looking for support. Thanks! |
Anonymous
| You talk to family or a close friend, figure out a plan then do it. I took my sister in. It was that or kill her husband. |
Anonymous
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Your bigger problems are going to be custody issues.
Of course you can support yourself. Start figuring that part out now. Start looking into higher paying career options and begin training/networking now - without your husband knowing if possible. Can you get a sitter a couple of afternoons a week and go to the public library to get online? If you don't have time or the ability to prepare for a career shift now then at least prepare yourself for the divorce process. It might be possible to get alimony for a few years so that you can train for a higher paying profession. Obviously you need to seek legal assistance - but this is also very costly. Perhaps there are social services or low cost legal aid services in your area? The lower earning spouse often suffers financially in divorce. My personal advice would be to take every possible step to prepare yourself to be more financially - and otherwise - independent. Regardless of a judges order, an angry ex spouse might not be of much value as a source of income or a co-parent. Sad but true. You need to get strong. |
Anonymous
| PS to post above - yes GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. Absolutely. |
Anonymous
| Are you certified to teach in FL? If so, look for a K-2 teaching job in a public school. Still not a lot of money but probably more than if you work in a daycare center. |
Anonymous
| I got divorced and had to pick up a second job for awhile. It’s humbling and hard at times, but better than being in a sh*tty marriage. |
Anonymous
| What you need is a plan. Your child is just 2 - that's a hard age to be a single mom. But when the child is 5 and they start school, it's much easier. So you have three years to get yourself in order. The first thing I would do is look at more education. Perhaps you can train to become a school teacher - many single women support themselves that way. Start saving money in your own account as best you can. And third, start looking for someone else. You are young enough to find someone great and it doesn't have to wait until you are divorced. Just like finding a new job is easier when you already have one, finding a new person can also be easier when you already have one. |
Anonymous
| No. I stay married because we have kids and for the security and for having company and so we don't have to split up our assets. |
Anonymous
Yes. And make sure you're on reliable long term birth control. Even if you're not having sex you never know when he suddenly might want it, and having another child will make it that much harder. |
Anonymous
| I stayed until I found a job that paid enough for me to support myself and my child, and squirreled away some money so I would have a cushion when my ex jerked me around on child support (which he did for about six months—I am whole now, but I was glad to have those savings to dip into while we were going to court). |
Anonymous
|
I don't know if I agree with 7:59 about finding someone else before you divorce. If you're married to a guy with potential anger issues and don't have the money for a custody battle, I think that might be the worst thing you could do. Because nobody fights harder for custody they don't actually want than an angry guy who feels that you have wronged him.
Just saying. |
Anonymous
Hell hath no fury like a man scorned . . . or something like that. |
Anonymous
|
At 29 I would get out. Your 2 year old won't remember it and you have time in life to turn in a different direction. It won't be fun for a while until you get yourself back on your feet, but you're not happy now, either.
You'll just choose to live with a different kind of suck for a little bit. The more time goes on, the less you'll have to offer someone else as a life partner. Your child will be older, you'll be older - for a woman that matters. I'm older and don't have a chance for a "whole new life" ... at 29 I was a young one. Gather your support and make a move. |
Anonymous
| You can figure out a plan and leave-- and it's going to be hard no matter what-- or you can wake up tomorrow and be 45, having thrown away years and years on this man. Life is short and flies by. |
Anonymous
| I love that we have teamed up in support of OP. I hope she listens to us. |