My soon to be EX DH is hosting a birthday party for our child at his Girlfriends house

[Anonymous]

I am not yet divorced. I am in a contentious custody battle but with glimmers of good co-parenting. Last week I emailed my soon to be EX to ask what he wanted to do for our child for their birthday and suggested a neutral location (pump it up). He writes back and says "We are extending you an invite. Party is on X date". The location was that of his girlfriends house.


Please tell me this is not something that would send you through the roof? And should I go? Or is it time to accept that joint birthdays are not going to be a thing?

By way of background, she has a big family, he has a big family. I dont know ANY of her family (she's only been a gf for 4 mths) and it would just be me. No one else was invited.

[Anonymous]

Not too much you can do about it, so no point hitting the roof.
I probably wouldn't go, but if you think it would be important to your son, I'd suck it up and go.
How is it a party if no one was invited? Just do your own thing/party. Looks like joint birthdays won't be happening, no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Have your own party.

[Anonymous]

This sounds bad. Sorry you have to deal with this. I feel it's so soon for your child to have a birthday at DH girlfriends house. I would have been so upset. I guess you just have to keep calm and go to the birthday party for your child. Maybe you can also plan something else for her with you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

[Anonymous]

Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

My kid is turning 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

I'd go just to annoy them. Get yourself a new outfit, get your hair done, etc. And, smile the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

My kids friends have already called to express confusion and weirdness about the fact the invite was to HER house. It's really mean and cruel--especially since I was trying to work it out amicably by having it on neutral grounds. I am just crushed for my kid who already told me "We have an invitation for you. Can you come?" I didn't know what to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

Oooh, that sucks!! I think you have to go along with it this year (because it's too late to change) and then insist that you get to alternate party planning years. Obviously it was super bad of him to do that unilaterally (and at the GF's house to boot!) but I think this is one of those things where you just have to give in. Bring along a good friend or two and just grit your teeth through it, and then have a lovely little family party at your house.

[Anonymous]

OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

My kids friends have already called to express confusion and weirdness about the fact the invite was to HER house. It's really mean and cruel--especially since I was trying to work it out amicably by having it on neutral grounds. I am just crushed for my kid who already told me "We have an invitation for you. Can you come?" I didn't know what to say.

Tell your son with a big smile that this year he gets to have 2 birthday parties! One with dad and one at pump it up! I would send an invite right away to all his friends. On your invite you can say that his dad is also hosting a house party for DS. Everyone is welcome and invited to both. If anyone asks you in person you can tell them what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

I would keep the documentation but he should be doing a joint party with you, not his girlfriend. He's doing it to get back at you. You be the bigger person and find a way to make it all work. If kids parents ask, just say you didn't know about the party and are unclear if you are even invited. You are planning a party at Pump it Up and hope they will be able to come to one or both parties.