My soon to be EX DH is hosting a birthday party for our child at his Girlfriends house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

OP here--they went ahead and sent invites to my kid's friends already. So while I am going to have another party, some of the people are going to be caught in this mess and get invited twice.

That's really crappy. I'd go to two parities knowing the situation, especially if you told me what he did. Honestly, I'd rather take my kid to Pump it Up and he'd rather go there than to someone's house, especially when its colder out. Your idea is much better. He should not have done that.

My kids friends have already called to express confusion and weirdness about the fact the invite was to HER house. It's really mean and cruel--especially since I was trying to work it out amicably by having it on neutral grounds. I am just crushed for my kid who already told me "We have an invitation for you. Can you come?" I didn't know what to say.

Tell your son with a big smile that this year he gets to have 2 birthday parties! One with dad and one at pump it up! I would send an invite right away to all his friends. On your invite you can say that his dad is also hosting a house party for DS. Everyone is welcome and invited to both. If anyone asks you in person you can tell them what's going on.

This, and most likely, he'll be much happier with your party than Dad's. My 7 year old would far rather do it at Pump it Up than at home.

[Anonymous]

OP here---the girlfriend is getting a pony for everyone to ride on so while her party is at "home", it's still something fun. All i know is my kids are still so raw from the separation, so confused by the girlfriends role and just anxious about when I come, dont come and why everyone on Dad's side doesn't want to talk to me. (divorce is over infedelity--but not with the current gilfriend).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

I'm not a family law lawyer, but my brother went through this (only he was in your spot). Short answer: no. It didn't matter in his case. None of it really mattered. Custody is typically split unless there are extenuating circumstances like addiction and adultery.

They now usually alternate birthday parties by year (for the friends), although it has been a long, tortuous ride getting there.

Sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

If he has already sent invitations to your son's friends, then I would stick with that being the party this year. No reason to drag the friends into your mess. If I received invitations to two different parties for the same kid I'd assume the parents are petty.

Let him know that next year you would like to host or co-host it. You should go to the party for at least part of the time.

[Anonymous]

If you have it in you to attend the party at the girlfriend's house, I think you should do that. You will look like the bigger person and he will look like an ass. Tell DS he can invite a couple special friends and do something really fun with them. I would not invite his friends to two parties. That invites more gossip than you showing up at the other party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has already sent invitations to your son's friends, then I would stick with that being the party this year. No reason to drag the friends into your mess. If I received invitations to two different parties for the same kid I'd assume the parents are petty.

Let him know that next year you would like to host or co-host it. You should go to the party for at least part of the time.

+1. Don't do two parties for the friends regardless of whether you go or not. Just one party with the child's friends. [I'm the PP whose brother went through this.]

[Anonymous]

Work out an agreement that you each get to host the friends birthday party on alternating years. I know a couple of divorced couples who did this, and it solves all of the fighting about who will host, who pays, what's an acceptable location, etc. They planned it this year. Next year, you plan what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--is this something that can be used in our custody battle? I just dont understand how someone with a history of girlfriends (and bad decisions) is so comfortably doing this while going through a very contentious custody battle? Doesn't it reflect terribly?

I'm not a family law lawyer, but my brother went through this (only he was in your spot). Short answer: no. It didn't matter in his case. None of it really mattered. Custody is typically split unless there are extenuating circumstances like addiction and adultery.

They now usually alternate birthday parties by year (for the friends), although it has been a long, tortuous ride getting there.

Sorry you're going through this.

PP again. Fwiw, their ultimate agreement spelled out that they had to consult one another for major decisions regarding health and education (and maybe some other things, extracurriculars?) but things like who would host birthday parties are supposed to be worked out among themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son gets 2 birthday parties this year. That's the only solution. Invite your family and DSs friends to a party at your house.

Don't go to your Exs girlfriend's house. WTF?!!

How old is your kid?

I would send an invite soon.

I'd go just to annoy them. Get yourself a new outfit, get your hair done, etc. And, smile the entire time.

And if you go don't raise a finger to help. Go as a guest. Sit and watch them run around.

Ask your child if they want one or two parties this year. Offer pump it up for yours.

[Anonymous]

He is trying to mess with you. I would either not go/have my own party or go, be happy, look fabulous, and bring a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not too much you can do about it, so no point hitting the roof.
I probably wouldn't go, but if you think it would be important to your son, I'd suck it up and go.
How is it a party if no one was invited? Just do your own thing/party. Looks like joint birthdays won't be happening, no big deal.

I would say that you send out invitations today to a party with all her friends.

If he is like most dads, he has no idea who most of her friends are and how to get in contact with them. You are also most likely friends or friendly with her friends' moms.

As a mom, I would be very uncomfortable getting invited to a party by the girlfriend of my still married friend's husband.

Let him host a party for their families.

Host a party for her friends and invite your parents to help. Let your husband know that the friend party will be on X date.

Knowing how many parties that the dads of my three kids have been involved in planning (a big ZERO and I have three kids with lots of friends) this is 100% a passive aggressive dig by the girlfriend.

Rise above, decline that invite, and quickly (today) organize her real birthday party with her friends. That is the party she will care about, not a big bash with all those strangers from her (still married) dad's girlfiend's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not too much you can do about it, so no point hitting the roof.
I probably wouldn't go, but if you think it would be important to your son, I'd suck it up and go.
How is it a party if no one was invited? Just do your own thing/party. Looks like joint birthdays won't be happening, no big deal.

I would say that you send out invitations today to a party with all her friends.

If he is like most dads, he has no idea who most of her friends are and how to get in contact with them. You are also most likely friends or friendly with her friends' moms.

As a mom, I would be very uncomfortable getting invited to a party by the girlfriend of my still married friend's husband.

Let him host a party for their families.

Host a party for her friends and invite your parents to help. Let your husband know that the friend party will be on X date.

Knowing how many parties that the dads of my three kids have been involved in planning (a big ZERO and I have three kids with lots of friends) this is 100% a passive aggressive dig by the girlfriend.

Rise above, decline that invite, and quickly (today) organize her real birthday party with her friends. That is the party she will care about, not a big bash with all those strangers from her (still married) dad's girlfiend's family.

My three kids' FRIEND'S DADS, not my three kids' dads, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is trying to mess with you. I would either not go/have my own party or go, be happy, look fabulous, and bring a date.

Don't bring a date. That is mean to her daughter whose world is falling apart and whose jerk dad obviously picked a loser, passive aggressive, manipulative girlfriend.

Host a party with her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Email back and say, thanks for the invitation. I'd like to do a party at Pump it up for Larla's school and other friends since this sounds like a party mainly for your and girlfriend's families. What day is most convent for you or would you prefer I hold it on my own for her friends? Your girlfriend is welcome to come.

Not I would like to. "I am hosting..."

[Anonymous]

That is BS. I have no advice, just wanted to say sorry you got a total buttwipe for an EX.