My husband

[Anonymous]

My husband couldn't care less about having a relationship with his parents. It's always me who reminds him to call them, me who reminds him we are probably due for a visit, and ultimately me who coordinates at least one visit a month, in which my husband begrudgingly attends and then leaves most of the talking to me.

Then you have my poor MIL who either can't come to terms with the fact that her son is useless in that department and I'm the one who coordinates all of these visits, or thinks I'm the one who is keeping her son and grandchildren from her. I'm not sure which it is.

But she leaves these sad messages kn my FB wall like, "I miss the kids!" riddled with heart-shaped emojis and sad faces. I want to say TALK TO YOUR SON!!!

Not sure who I should be annoyed with. Mostly just venting, because it all falls on my husband's deaf ears!

[Anonymous]

What does he say when you tell him these thing?

I wouldn't stress over this. Do what you can, and don't kill yourself getting to an imaginary standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him these thing?

I wouldn't stress over this. Do what you can, and don't kill yourself getting to an imaginary standard.

Always the same: he says he will call, he will set up a visit. Then he never does. Until I do, because I feel obligated. Because I feel guilt tripped by her sad messages/pleads to see her family! I don't know why he doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him these thing?

I wouldn't stress over this. Do what you can, and don't kill yourself getting to an imaginary standard.

Always the same: he says he will call, he will set up a visit. Then he never does. Until I do, because I feel obligated. Because I feel guilt tripped by her sad messages/pleads to see her family! I don't know why he doesn't care.

Many men are like that. I guess you have to tell her that you are the one doing all the emotional labor and suggest she takes over. You just need to word this nicely for her not to get defensive about her son/your DH.

[Anonymous]

Tell your MIL to call her son to set up a visit.

This is ridiculous OP. and btw once a MONTH? Both your DH and your MIL are abdicating responsibility here and you are taking it on, and it's not even about you (meaning, it's not like it's for YOU or anything, it's for MIL and your kids or MIL and your DH)

[Anonymous]

FB is a problem too. I would never respond to social media " blackmail" like that. Tell her to contact your family directly. DH as others have said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband couldn't care less about having a relationship with his parents. It's always me who reminds him to call them, me who reminds him we are probably due for a visit, and ultimately me who coordinates at least one visit a month, in which my husband begrudgingly attends and then leaves most of the talking to me.

Then you have my poor MIL who either can't come to terms with the fact that her son is useless in that department and I'm the one who coordinates all of these visits, or thinks I'm the one who is keeping her son and grandchildren from her. I'm not sure which it is.

But she leaves these sad messages kn my FB wall like, "I miss the kids!" riddled with heart-shaped emojis and sad faces. I want to say TALK TO YOUR SON!!!

Not sure who I should be annoyed with. Mostly just venting, because it all falls on my husband's deaf ears!

Omg same. No guidance but same, it's so annoying. I feel guilty so I'm the one that tries to stay connected but DH does not care and can't be bothered to make the effort

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your MIL to call her son to set up a visit.

This is ridiculous OP. and btw once a MONTH? Both your DH and your MIL are abdicating responsibility here and you are taking it on, and it's not even about you (meaning, it's not like it's for YOU or anything, it's for MIL and your kids or MIL and your DH)

+1 that's what I do with every complaint MIL has about DH. I'm not going to "manage" my husband and it's not my fault if he doesn't call as often as she'd like. Once both of them figured out I wasn't taking all that on (and they figured it out very quickly), DH started reaching out to his mom a lot more and he schedules all visits.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just say TALK TO YOUR SON? I would.

[Anonymous]

Omg I had to check the date to make sure I didn't write this post. I struggle so much with this. I am constantly blamed for his lack of phone calls. He just doesn't get it. I'm at my wits end with his lack of communication with his parents.

[Anonymous]

What are these detached DHs like with their wives and kids? Just curious if they are detached in general, or just with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are these detached DHs like with their wives and kids? Just curious if they are detached in general, or just with their parents.

This is OP. Just with his parents! He's very attentive to us, his wife and kids. It's just his parents he can't be bothered with.

[Anonymous]

If she posted this publicly on my FB feed, I would say something like:

"Nancy, I know! I've been telling @Brad he needs to call you ASAP to set up a visit. Hope you guys can work something out soon!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are these detached DHs like with their wives and kids? Just curious if they are detached in general, or just with their parents.

This is OP. Just with his parents! He's very attentive to us, his wife and kids. It's just his parents he can't be bothered with.

+1. I have the same husband. He plans intricate family adventures for our weekends, date nights for us, but cant call his parents. His parents are so excited for Christmas, but we will be out of the country and Dh won't mention it to them because he knows how disappointed they'll be. Annoying af.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't seem like MIL's comments are necessarily meant as a huge complaint. It might just be a cutesy way of making contact, and she probably does miss the kids. My parents would say this, too, even though they visit periodically and are in good regular contact with us.

Some people are just more wrapped up in things than others and more or less focused on family. Why isn't your MIL reaching out to your DH more? It seems like she would call or email him and ask when they could visit, etc.