Church for family with SN child

[Anonymous]

We are a mainline Protestant family seeking a church that is welcoming to kids with special needs. We've visited churches in NoVA, and can't find a church suitable for our ADHD pre-teen with high-functioning autism, who has a lot of trouble sitting still and staying quiet. He has a poor social filter, and will make comments or ask questions when the expectation is to sit quietly. We would love to find a Sunday School program that he could participate in that runs at the same time as the main service, so he would not be expected to sit with us in the sanctuary.

Our church used to have such a class, but it fizzled out as kids grew up and teachers moved on.

I want to give DS a good spiritual foundation, but most of the churches that we've visited don't seem to know what to do with kids like him in a traditional Sunday school staffed by rotating volunteers.

Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

My friend likes Christ Church in Fairfax Station.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried Fairlington Presbyterian?

[Anonymous]

I have a special needs child myself and I feel you.

Honestly, I think your best bet is to find a church with an appropriate group, then you or your DH can go with your son and assist as one of the volunteers. I don't think it is reasonable to expect the volunteers to cope successfully -- they are not trained teachers.

I can't provide names because we are Catholic. We just do the best we can with our son. People are very forgiving at our church. We take our son outside if he is being too disruptive. Patience! He will settle in time. Mine is improving a lot but it is hard work.

[Anonymous]

Definitely McLean Presbyterian Church in McLean-- its right off the beltway. The Children's Ministry Staff will work with parents to assist children as needed. They run Sunday School at the same time as church- so you can go as a family to a service, and then all go to Sunday School- or you can send your child to Sunday School while you go to Worship.

[Anonymous]

OP. I have no problem volunteering on a rotating basis with other parents, but I wouldn't want to have to stay in the classroom with him every Sunday, as then I would not be able to attend Worship service in the sanctuary.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel about talking to the parent volunteers about how to best engage your son. My experience as a Sunday School teacher is that I'd love to create a welcoming environment, but I honestly have no idea how to engage a child like your son.

We don't have passive Sunday School, and there are chances to talk to friends, read aloud, playact, and discuss, but what do I do with a runner? Grab him? Let him tear down the hall? What do I do with a kid who won't stop talking even long enough to hear from another child in the room? I literally don't know. I'm not trained for this and my own kids haven't given me any experience with it.

I know from my kid's own issue (physical, not behavioral) that there's a fine line when it comes to respecting my son's privacy but also engaging the adults in his life to help him succeed.

[Anonymous]

I would have no problem talking to the parent volunteers and giving them tips on how to include him in a regular Sunday School class, but was hoping to find a church where they are already set up to work with kids like him and where he wouldn't be the only spectrum kid. He struggles all week to fit in at school, it would be nice to have one hour in the week where he doesn't have to worry about it and can just be one of God's children, loved and accepted for who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have no problem talking to the parent volunteers and giving them tips on how to include him in a regular Sunday School class, but was hoping to find a church where they are already set up to work with kids like him and where he wouldn't be the only spectrum kid. He struggles all week to fit in at school, it would be nice to have one hour in the week where he doesn't have to worry about it and can just be one of God's children, loved and accepted for who he is.

I think at any larger church he will not be the only spectrum kid. It's just not that uncommon. What area are you looking in -NOVA is large- have you tried the places recommended on this thread?

[Anonymous]

We're looking mainly in the Springfield area, but would be willing to drive a bit for the right church. I think there's some truth to the pp's statement that we should probably look at larger churches, although I was hoping to avoid a big nondenominational mega church.

[Anonymous]

You know, any Church should be happy to have you. Don't feel like you are 2nd class citizen somehow. My wife made this mistake of always feeling self conscious about our child at church. Just do your thing.

[Anonymous]

Look at St. George's Episcopal in Arlington. We have a smaller program, but we collectively have made a conscious decision to emphasize welcoming and working with special needs children. The classes are run by the same teachers each week, several of whom have experience with SN kids, either as parents or educators. Unless there is something quite extreme, as parents you wouldn't be expected to stay in the classroom. The the congregation is also very accepting of children's noise, so there shouldn't be any side-eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have no problem talking to the parent volunteers and giving them tips on how to include him in a regular Sunday School class, but was hoping to find a church where they are already set up to work with kids like him and where he wouldn't be the only spectrum kid. He struggles all week to fit in at school, it would be nice to have one hour in the week where he doesn't have to worry about it and can just be one of God's children, loved and accepted for who he is.

Think about what you mean when you say "one of God's children." Are you asking the church to overlook his disruptive behavior? It sounds like you're expecting a better environment at church for your child than you have at school, even though there are trained professionals at school that you can't count on the church having.

Another factor to consider -- I've heard that autistic children often don't naturally take to religion that way a lot of children do because they are concrete thinkers who often don't "get" God.

[Anonymous]

When I say "one of God's children", I mean just that - loved and accepted for who he is and not treated like he's flawed or needs to be fixed. Not pitied, either. I'm not expecting untrained volunteers to know how to work with him, merely asking if there are churches already serving this population. It seems to me that there is a great need.

I think it's true that a lot of autistic people don't "get" God because they are very scientific and logical, but I want my child to attend church until he's old enough to make the faith decision for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I say"one of God's children", I mean just that - loved and accepted for who he is and not treated like he's flawed or needs to be fixed. Not pitied, either. I'm not expecting untrained volunteers to know how to work with him, merely asking if there are churches already serving this population. It seems to me that there is a great need.

I think it's true that a lot of autistic people don't "get" God because they are very scientific and logical, but I want my child to attend church until he's old enough to make the faith decision for himself.

Definition appreciated -- I would extend that definition to include all children, not only to children whose parents believe in God.